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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at dp

18 replies

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 21:51

I'm very tired and probably blowing this out of proportion so am happy to accept that iabu if you all tell me I am and will apologise to the moronic idiot dp.

dp has been off work since Jan after an accident left him with a back injury he is slowly getting better but still unable to drive, work or do anything like vacuuming the house.

I have spent the last 10mths being his taxi service, doing the housework, helping him dress and shower (in the early days not so much now but he still needs help getting in and out of the shower), taking care of dsc when they are with us and working 3 jobs because his bloody work stopped paying him and we can't live on just my normal wage and ssp. Now I have willingly done this just as he did it last year when I was ill for 8 weeks BUT I am exhausted and barely holding everything together.

Anyway this morning I got up at 5am, took the dog for a walk and left for work at 6.30 since it was still dark and cold I woke dp with a cup of tea and asked him to uncover the rabbits when he got up (usually about 7.30). They have a plastic cover over them at

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Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 21:55

ahhh sorry on phone and finger slipped

they have a plastic cover thing over them at night to keep them warm.

he was wide awake when I asked him so not half asleep and said it was fine.

I got home at 8pm to find the cover still down which means they have been in the dark all bloody day, his excuse oh I forgot

I am absolutely furious with him and his complete inability to see why I'm angry is making me want to hit him.

so aibu to be so angry or is he right and I should just accept his apology and let it go since we all make mistakes?

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WorraLiberty · 07/11/2013 21:57

Well yes of course you should accept his apology...if he forgot then he forgot

You sound as though you have deep seated resentment due to you having to take so much on by yourself.

It's understandable, but not his fault I'm afraid.

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 21:59

oh and I know they are my pets and my responsibility and I rarely ask him to do anything for them but it was dark and cold and they would have been happy to for another 30mins-1hr

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CaptainSweatPants · 07/11/2013 22:01

Sounds like you've got too much on to have pets as well :(

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 22:03

point taken worra like I said I'm tired and happy to be told ibu

but I don't resent anything I've had to do I'm just pissed off that I asked him to do 1 thing and he didn't

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BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2013 22:05

IMO both
NBU for being angry He Is NBU apologising.

People sometimes forget.

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2013 22:06

Nooo I didnt' mean that!

I mean you're resenting him for not doing the one thing he could do/you asked him to do...instead of just realising that he simply forgot.

You must be worn out though. Is there no-one who can help you out a bit?

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 22:06

captain the pets were here before dp and im far more likely to rehome him

im not usually so late home but I had an appointment after work, they are far from neglected I promise.

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Merlotmonster · 07/11/2013 22:10

Im sorry you are feeling this way. I can remember a few years back in a similar situation only that it was my sister who had a badly broken leg. I was faced with a full time iob in london with 3 hour commute each day , getting home at 6.30 and then having to drive 9 miles to my sisters house to look after and exercise 2 horses..not getting back home before 9.30 pm to then eat before bed...wihin 2 weeks I was a wreck on the verge of a breakdown and only a visit to the docs and some anti depressants sorted me out.. How you have managed for so long..god only knows. ..but you are not unreasonable. ..here is a virtual hug
Xxxx

curlew · 07/11/2013 22:11

Not reasonable to be furious- he forgot. We all do that.

Reasonable to be tired and burdened and secretly in your innermost heart, a bit resentful. And maybe feeling guilty about being resentful?

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 22:12

oh sorry worra I miss understood, that's exactly it, I asked him to do 1 simple job and he forgot!

my mum has been great but she works too so I can't ask her to do too much, it's just been a long week and I'm tired and cranky I just feel he should have remembered 1 thing, he was probably to busy playing simpsons tapped out he started playing it when he couldn't move much and is now obsessed

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Lilacroses · 07/11/2013 22:12

Looking after someone like that and having to do so much of the stuff around the house AND work is bloody exhausting, I totally understand. However, it's completely understandable that he forgot that one small thing that you asked him to do. I may well have done the same in his situation, especially if it's not something I nor mally do. I feel for you though, you have alot on your plate.

starlight1234 · 07/11/2013 22:13

Understandable but people do just forget things sometimes..

He has appolgised...

He can't change it so you have to move on...

That also said...You sound shattered which obviously makes little things bigger.

FesterAddams · 07/11/2013 22:13

He probably drifted off to sleep after you left, and genuinely didn't remember the conversation 'till you brought it up again. So YABU.
My DP and I leave each other notes on the kitchen table fir this sort of thing. Sounds impersonal I know, but it works for us.

But on the wider issue, it does sound like you resent being thrust into the cater role. Which is understandable. I don't have any practical suggestions - hopefully others with more experience will comment.

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 22:17

just realised the rabbits are facing the back door so he must have seen them when he let the dog in the garden throughout the day, I saw them as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

I really really don't resent looking after him worra has hit the nail on the head I DO resent the fact that he hasn't done 1 simple job.

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Hassled · 07/11/2013 22:20

You say he's not being paid - are you claiming all the benefits you could be eligible for? Is he on ESA?

I think you're overreacting because you're absolutely exhausted. You have to look after yourself because if you completely buckle under the pressure then your problems will be worse. Please try and get some time out too - it's important for all of you.

AnandaTimeIn · 07/11/2013 22:21

O.k. he made a mistake but really?

When you live with pets in the house you don't just forget them I would imagine....

Original poster

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 07/11/2013 22:28

yes getting all benefits he is entitled to but it's still less than a quarter of what he usually earns a month including ssp or whatever the government version is.

ok I will accept his apology but I still think he's a moron but I will reevaluate that thought after a good nights sleep

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