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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

am i aibu to think music video,s are getting raunchier than ever

13 replies

openseason · 07/11/2013 09:39

i dont know about you but i am sick of all the pop artists you know the ones rhianna katy perry miley cyrus but not just the women the men too pharrell williams. i,m tired of my daughter having to see all these images it,s not a case of turn the tv of it will go away technology make,s us see it every where i think it,s time the music industery put a stop to all this i fear my daughter will grow up thinking women have to act like the women on the video,s it is pretty hard trying to educate children when there,s all these images out their

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timidviper · 07/11/2013 09:47

The problem is that every generation wants to be more outrageous than everything that has gone before. I remember the furore about Madonna in the 80s and it was always justified by artistic expression, pushing boundaries, etc. This is just the same thing but the boundaries of taste and decency differ from one person to another so who is to say?

In consolation I can tell you I remember feeling quite disturbed hearing my DD and her friends (they were all about 6) singing "If you want to be my lover" and dancing quite raunchily when the Spice Girls Wannabe was a hit. They have all grown into lovely young women with good values and viewpoints as there has been a lot more in their upbringing to counter it.

Personally I agree with you but don't know how it will resolve as the only alternative would be some kind of censorship which is not a good thing in anybody's book

Joysmum · 07/11/2013 09:53

Yes the norm is getting worse. I was going to mention Madonna too so that saved a lot of typing!

Madonna was pushing boundaries back then but the boundaries have shifted now and her videos from back then aren't as shocking and don't challenge the boundaries of today.

KerwhizzedMyself · 07/11/2013 09:53

I disagree that it's not easy to avoid. I've seen Miley Cyrus's videos because I actively searched them out. I've not seen any of these these other raunchy videos because I don't watch music channels. I also avoid celebrity magazines. Where does your daughter constantly see these images?

openseason · 07/11/2013 10:08

censorship would be telling everybody what to do but i do believe it really has gone too far kids will copy the latest dance,s in the playground without them knowing about the provoctive move,s or lyrics. maybe if they have a warning before putting it out like they do with the films or leave it late in the night. i suppose as adults we look more into it than the children and your right not all children will grow up this way

but i really wish there were more postive images out there it seem like everybody wants to sing and be a popstar i guess it is up to us as parent,s to lead them in the right way and be open and have discusions about what is a good role model.

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openseason · 07/11/2013 10:16

my daughter friends are always bringing phones to school mine leave,s hers at home i don,t want her to lose it so i think they get shown a lot of things on there phone alot of children will go on tablets u tube and have facebook accounts so it,s everywhere i have recently set up parent controls on my computer i think these days you have a lot more to worry about as a parent only the other day i read in a magazine that teenagers are now showing naked pics of themselfs i,m 35 and even i was shocked at that one.

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KerwhizzedMyself · 07/11/2013 10:33

Doh! I didn't think about school Blush I suppose some kids will also bring in the magazines and stuff too as well as phones going on YouTube etc. Difficult to avoid :(

Dahlen · 07/11/2013 10:38

I find the whole thing incredibly depressing TBH. The days in which talent was the main requirement have long since gone. There has always been an element of charisma (or 'star quality') that could balance out a lack of a significant talent, but now it's pretty much all star quality. And for women that basically means - pretty to look at and prepared to gyrate half-naked on stage. For every Adele there are 50 Rihannas.

I don't allow my DC to watch music channels precisely because most of the videos are only a step away from soft porn. I don't think anything can be done about that until there is a significant backlash which demonstrates that people don't want to see it. There are whisperings of that already, but times change and things rarely go backwards. Popstars pulling scarves between their legs suggestively and swinging round poles are probably here to stay. What will mark the serious 'artistes' in future will be the conspicuous absence of any sex-related imagery in their music videos, specifically to grant them a certain gravitas. But sexualisation in pop is probably here to stay.

Bearing in mind the average age of pop music consumers, particularly the core fan-base in the 11-17 age range, I'd like to see music videos toned down significantly, and a social pressure on pop stars to recognise their demographics of their fan-base. Don't think it's likely though.

Rihanna once famously argued that she never wanted to be a role model - she was a performer. It was damaging her creativity to be forced into a role-model persona and it was unfair to criticise her for not conforming. I have some sympathy with that as an argument in principle, although for a manufactured pop icon whose fame is based mostly on massive sex appeal and aggressive marketing, my instinctive response to this argument in relation to Rihanna is "bollocks". Make her put on 3 stone in weight, wear a kaftan in all her videos and write all her own songs and I wonder how much fame her singing talent will continue to generate for her.

Despite all that, proscribing what performers can and cannot do - beyond the normal confines of legally defined taste and decency - is a form of censorship. And that's a bad thing IMO, no matter how well intentioned.

I'm under no illusions - I can probably only get away with restricting my own children's access to hyper-sexualised music videos and internet porn for another year or two before my strict controls over my children's media usage are undermined (if not annihilated) by access granted through friends' phones, etc. Not a lot I can do about that other than lock my children up in a bubble, which is arguably even more harmful. I've chosen to deal with it by talking to my DC about it all.

It's not just music videos and porn that we discuss, it encompasses feminism, capitalism, relationships. Intelligent parenting which encourages children to analyse what they're fed rather than accept it on face value can undo a lot of the damage. Children are remarkably intelligent and capable of seeing through the marketing BS a lot more than we give them credit for if we make it our jobs to give them the tools to do just that.

thebody · 07/11/2013 10:44

my gran was horrified at Elvis,

my mom was horrified by the sex pistols and Madonna

I am fairly disturbed by lady Ga Ga and Mikey Cyrus.

my teen dds think they are daft mares to be honest.

think its a but if a fuss about nothing really. sex sells and always will. if you talk to your children and empower them then they can take this crap on board and dissimilate.

openseason · 07/11/2013 10:52

i guess it really doe,s come back to good parenting and providing the right information for future generations and the saying knowlege is power and having trust in your children. i dread my daughter starting high school i hope she doe,s have commen sense and dosen,t follow the sheepHmm

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mitchsta · 07/11/2013 12:46

YANBU. I occasionally flick onto a music channel in the hope of finding an 80s countdown and I do shudder at the thought of my future children seeing what's played. I guess I'd have shuddered at Madonna, etc too, but we have accessibility to consider now - it's all so flippin' accessible isn't it? No Top of the Pops on a Friday night and that's your music fix for the week - the music channels are always available and so is the internet. I know you can't control what they see in school or on other people's phones or whatever, but I wouldn't let my child sit and watch the music channels unless it was a Christmas countdown

Yes, there have been controversial music videos that pushed the boundaries (Anyone remember Take That's "Do What You Like" video where they were writhing around being mopped with jelly? Ha!) But "raunchy" does seem to be the norm more than the exception nowadays. My mum would've kept an eye out and changed the channel for the raunchy video when I was a kid, but you'd be switching over for almost every song if you did that now.

PresidentServalan · 07/11/2013 13:40

I don't think it is any worse now, only that the videos are on music tv etc so they are easier to see.

Duran Duran's videos for The Chauffer and Girls on Gilm were more graphic.

PresidentServalan · 07/11/2013 13:41

*Girls on FILM' even!

Elsiemoo · 08/11/2013 13:42

After finding my 11 yr old watching a rather graphic music video at 7pm, I complained to Ofcom - very quick and easy, all online. Their standard message says they'll only come back to you if the complaint is upheld. Although it wasn't, they wrote to me and said they were concerned about the content of these music videos and the fact that they were being shown before the watershed. I'm not a prude, I don't agree with censorship, but we have a watershed for a good reason, and if you are concerned about your kids, then raise a complaint with Ofcom. If enough people do that, then maybe something will be done. A cinema won't allow an 11 yr old into a 15 rated film, so why should my living room be open to anything?

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