to expect dh to change his clothes...

[CocktailQueen]

after he has spent all day in his mum's house, which smells? Because she hasn't done housework or cleaned it in years, and because she never washes or brushes her teeth?

This might sound harsh, but: I HATE the smell of her house - and her. I hate BO and bad breath - it makes me retch. I'm very sensitive to smells.

So dh spent the day with her yesterday and came home with some stuff from her house - it smells too. He hugged me and I could instantly smell it on him - it was horrible. This morning he put back on all the clothes he was wearing yesterday to take the kids to school. When he came back I asked him nicely if there was anything he wanted putting in the wash today. He knew what I meant and got really shirty about it.

Also -while I'm on the subject - AIBU to say I don't want anything of his mum's in our house unless it's really special to dh? If he brings something home from her house - even just, say, a plastic carrier bag of hers, I can instantly tell it's there and our house smells wrong to me.

So, AIBU?

I think you're being a bit insensitive, you're basically insulting his mother so I can see why he's getting annoyed. But it's your home and you have every right to not want things in there that make you uncomfortable. So I think YANBU to not want things from her home brought into yours but YABU if you're being tactless about it.

Thanks, Revenge. But surely it's not normal to think that not washing and not cleaning for years is normal or that other people should be expected to put up with it and not say anything??

Re insulting his mum: I'm not saying anything that isn't true! How can that be insulting?

I try to be tactful, but he knows how I feel about it yet keeps doing it.

i think this is partly psychological, even if she does smell, it sounds like youre overly sensitive about it, and also likely to be being very offensive

i think you know how he feels about you keeping on about it, but keep doing it too

I know what you mean. MIL's house smells. She isn't dirty but her house has a musty smell and our clothes stink when we have been there. Fortunately OH has a sensitive sense of smell so anything we have worn at his mother's house goes straight into the wash.

Does your MIL have mental health issues?

Who thinks it's normal, him or his mother? My dad is a hoarder and his house is horrible, but I still get defensive if people comment on it. Perhaps he thinks his mum can't help it?

I have a similar thing with my mum. I love her dearly but hate the state and smell of her house.

I borrowed a couple of books to take on holiday and had to pop them in a plastic bag and in the hand luggage so they didn't stink the clothes in the suitcase out.

I don't know what to say, I love my mum and see it as a problem. Sounds to me like your hubby sees you as being anti his mother and projecting those feeling into complaining about her home and that needs to be addressed rather than simy focusing on the laundry.

Some people just are more sensitive to smells than others. XH's house used to reek, due to the people before him having a large smelly dog I think, and DS4's clothes used to reek too when he came to mine. For that matter when I go to my sister's I come back whiffy - she does keep a clean house but smokes like a chimney, and although I don't notice it so much when I come back the boys do, and I smell it on my pillow in the morning if I don't wash my hair. This is not a judgement thing due to XH being an annoying... ex, or about not approving of smoking, although both are true, but because it really did/does smell bad. If you don't have a sensitive nose you probably won't get it, but I for one really do. I'm guessing the OP's DH doesn't even notice it as he was brought up with it, and thinks she is being peculiar.

I loved my mother-in-law, but when alive she would smoke one after the other and it used to make me feel sick.

When we got home I would strip everyone off and put the clothes in the washing machine and have a shower.

I feel your pain, if you are more sensitive to smells its bloody horrible.

With regard th him bringing things in from her house I think you just have to suck it up and open your windows or something

Where you live is also your dh's home so he has equal right to bring stuff into it even if you don't like it.

Thanks all.

MIL has mild dementia. But tbh she has always been pretty much like this - and I have known her for 17 years. She's never brushed her teeth and has never been houseproud. It's just worse now she's older. Grim.

I can see that dh is more used to it -the situation and the smell - but it makes me feel physically sick. How can anyone be happy living like that?! And I know that older people haven't been used to bathing as often as we do, but still...

My dd has a couple of friends in particular whose houses I can smell on her as soon as she comes home from them, and I want to strip her and wash her clothes straight away. It's funny, isn't it, how different people's houses smell.

I sympathise with your situation - it can't be nice - but I do think your posts sound quite insensitive, OP. You might well be relaying facts, but this is his mum, so factual or not, he can still be offended. If I was your OH, I think I'd be less likely to put my clothes in the wash (not in a petty way) because of how openly you're criticising her, particularly if you've mentioned it on a number of occasions. I would automatically want to defend my mum and keeping the clothes on would be kind of sticking up for her IYSWIM.