To cut my 5yo some slack when she is tired?

[Newcurtainsplease]

Husband / wife disagreement that needs some outside perspective.

5yo dd is really tired being back at school this week. She was tears all the way home today after school and said that she just wanted to sit on the sofa with me when she got home. She didn't want to see daddy.

When we got yo the house, dh was in the kitchen. I quickly told him that dd was feeling very fragile. Dd started to say that she didn't want to come into the house unless daddy went upstairs. Dh didn't move so I told him to leave the kitchen. He refused saying he was there to make a cuppa. And then was very cross with me for letting dd dictate where he was or wasn't allowed to be in his own house.

It all seems so pathetic but it has caused huge ructions as dh thinks I am not showing him respect and not being tough enough on dd.

So AIBU?

YABU

sorry but its one thing cutting her slack but expecting someone to leave the room they are making a cuppa in to humour a grumpy child is not cricket.

Feeling tired or not I wouldn't let a 5 year old decide who could be where in the house.

YABU. That goes beyond cutting her some slack.

Yabu totally. Stop pandering to her ridiculous demands and she will probably stop making them.

a bit odd all round - why doesn't she want to see her dad?

i have no problem with letting her veg out on the sofa, but to tell her parents which bits of the house they can go in? that is strange and shouldn't be encouraged

Not really the point but why doesn't she want to see her dad?

I think you are yes.

Fair enough if she just wants to chill out or go sit in her room, but no she doesn't get to dictate where people go in communal family spaces. Would you be happy if your DH told you to go upstairs because he didn't feel like seeing you? Is that normal in your house?

You won't be doing her any favours in the long run if you don't teach her that people have to exist along side her.

YABU. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

And I'd question why she's taken offence to her father's presence, that's odd.

YABU - You are being totally disrespectful to your DH. It's his house and he can go where he likes. Your DD should be told that she cannot be unfair to her father and she has to be polite and kind to him as I would expect my child to be to all family members and friends. Letting her chill out after a tiring day at school is fine, being horrible to her father is not.

Thank you! I needed telling! She didn't want to see dh because he likes to fuss her a lot when she returns from school. Hugs and kisses etc and I don't think she felt up to it.

Yabu.. Totally wrong. She may be five but she cannot dictate where her father should be.

Yanbu to cut her some slack but yabvu to allow her to behave like that sorry. Tired dc get to read a book rather than walk on the dog walk or have tea a bit early before an early night not dictate where people are in their own home. I would have been pretty cross in your dh position too.

No sorry but this is not on. You are giving her too much control. Dad has every right to be in his home. If dd wants to be alone that's fine. She can go up to her room until she is ready to join the family.

Well that was refreshing OP, much nicer than the 'AIBU?' "yes you are' 'NO IM NOT'

Fair enough for you or her to ask him not to fuss around her as soon as she gets in as she's tired. But actually asking to go away is too much.

Sorry x post

It doesn't make it as much fun though for everyone!
I do appreciate the honesty though and will be apologising in the morning.

Totally totally unreasonable... Your DH has every right to be where he wants to be in the family home regardless of how tired your DD is after being at school.

It would have made more sense to explain to your DH that DD didn't want fuss/hugs/kisses after school today as she was feeling tired, rather than expecting him to go upstairs because a 5 year old didn't want to see him.

my dd was the opposite, she would try it on by declaring that I wasn't allowed on the sofa because she needed to have cuddles with OH to make her feel better. I sat on her. I am the only diva in this house tyvm

Wow. Shortest AIBU ever!

OP: AIBU ?
MN: yes
OP: ok, thanks, you're right and I will apologise.

Nice :-)

It's fair enough for your DD not to want to be fussed around - but both her and your DH need to learn to communicate and respect it when she feels like that. No point into turning it into something bigger than it is.

Definitely worth pointing out to your DH that he should perhaps try and ask her about her day and gauge her mood before turning into puppy mode.

Well done, OP! I'm glad you're going to apologise too :)

@ whois