Shouted at during work meeting

[Gryffindor]

I have just returned to work after 8 weeks off (fell ill on holiday - very genuine, work provided with certificates, accompanying GP letters etc).

I work in a very stressful environment, think male-dominated, high-pressure, long hours etc. On my first day back I joined an audio call with 5 colleagues from across my organisation who sit in different teams. One man, who I have had some issues with in the past (he can be very intimidating, and has said work-related things that he later denies) shouted at me after about 30 seconds and said:

"Shut up Gryffindor, you are really annoying me".

Unfotunately, this is nothing unusual, but after being ill and also out of the work mentality for 2 months it has really upset me. I hadn't even said anything controversial, I had literally just started talking. Unfortunately, I work in an unpopular function which is often villified for "hindering business".

My direct boss is lovely and supportive, but despite being a huge household name organisation there is literally no support in place for people (particularly senior men) to be accountable for their actions. Far from being an isolated incident, this kind of thing happens all the time, I just feel as though my armour has been chinked and I'm struggling to move on. AIBU to be upset?

Conversely, if women behave in anything other than a demure manner we are criticised for being "agressive" and recommended to have training in influencing and communicating. Total double standards.

Sorry, this is a total rambling mess but even writing it out is helping me feel better.

[vladthedisorganised]

Haven't read the whole thread either, but I have worked in a lot of silverback environments with a lot of shouty dickheads too.

Being professionally brisk helped. I ended up seeing them as recaltricant two year olds and it really stood me in good stead. Every time one of them swears or shouts, imagine your DC stamping their foot because you won't give them sweets at the checkout of whatever.

"I want that presentation on my desk fucking YESTERDAY!"
"You can have the presentation on your desk now, but there won't be anything in it until we have the end-of-year returns (or whatever). I can give you something accurate tomorrow, or something inaccurate now. What do you suggest?"

"Shut up Gryffindor, you're really annoying me."
"A pity, but entirely irrelevant to our agenda. Suggest we move on to the next item, unless Mr Arsehole has anything more useful to say? We're busy people and there's a lot to get through. Next!"

[damejudydench]

Brilliant advice on here, especially from stinkingbishop and vladthedisorganised.

I will be back for advice if and when I have my own ishoos.

[damejudydench]

I also think that another problem that arises constantly (with some of the directors I've worked with) is that they think they have asked for something when in fact they haven't. That's when the raging arsehole kicks in. They are always right, of course.

I try to pre-empt this by asking lots of questions and telling other people what they need to do and by when. Having said that, despite issuing various reminders some staff still fail to get stuff in and that's when I start to turn purple...

[Talkinpeace]

The main thing is to call them - and treat them as - "boys"
not lads, not gentlemen but boys - of the six year old variety.
All the bullying in the world diminishes one you permanently envisage them in their pre prep school uniforms.

And occasionally a stand up, knuckles on table, antler to antler, growl is needed - it seems to work for about three years at a time

[garlicbutter]

Isn't Mumsnet great? Not one "Aw, hun, hope u feel better 2moro," but 100+ messages offering 100+ strong responses!

[Talkinpeace]

that is partly because MN is full of well qualified women who have had to deal with such issues
can you imagine how much more effective UK business would be if they hired us lot as their Non-execs

[Gryffindor]

I know, Mumsnet is truly marvellous sometimes. I can only imagine the drivel NetHuns would proffer.

Got properly stuck back into work for the first time today - it felt good. Didn't encounter that prat but did encounter some of his cronies and managed to put them in their places over the nonsense they were trying to get past me.

Although I did get stuck in the office so late that I was 1.5 hours late for dinner with friends!

[garlicbutter]

Yee-haah! It's okay to piss your friends around on your first day of getting back on the horse, so to speak ... just don't make it a habit, OK?

[Want2bSupermum]

Im loving these replies. Almost a shame that I now work in a professional environment and don't need to use them!

hoboken are you living in Hoboken, NJ? Used to live there...

[Echocave]

OP my guess is either JP Morgan or UBS and that you're in compliance or legal. No need to respond on that though!

Banks breed a culture of dickish behaviour. Ordinary people arrive and then often the culture makes them behave like twunts. Shouting is common partly because of the stress of the working environment.

DBIL works in such a place and from what he has told me, most approaches make no difference at all to the shouter. They just don't care and personally i wouldnt waste my energy. This is why they are generally awful places to work. I think get out OP, the market's moving a bit now. Unless your Chief Twunt gets the boot (as these places do seem to have a high staff turnover ).

[damejudydench]

I'm glad to hear that you sound more in control, Gryffindor. FWIW, I think most of us would feel exactly how you did in that situation. I think the trick is not to let twathead know that. Over the years I've realised that you do teach people how you expect to be treated.

Stay strong!

[vladthedisorganised]

Glad you had a better day, Gryffindor. The workers united shall never be defeated!

[bigbrick]

Good going - keep the replies coming - you have lots to use from here