to think I'm a better mother when I smoke

[Calloh]

Well of course I'm not really because I'm signing on for untold damage, a shorter life etc.

But various things, including my daughter's fourth birthday party, the builders hanging around having delicious coffee and cig combos and something more serious and awful, have made me take a break from my ex-smokerdom.

And I have been so much fun with my children! Making them laugh, dealing well with tantrums, talking reasonably to them, even being skittish on dog walks and jumping across streams and the like! Like berocca advert me.

So why the hell can't I be like this normally? Basically, when I'm not smoking, I need to chill the hell out as if I were smoking. How do I so this?

I'm only talking Marlboro lights here.

YABU. Smoking is not big or clever (I say this as an ex smoker of 8 yrs who still craves a menthol every now and again)

I know it's not! I don't think that it is. I just think I'm better as a person when I'm a smoker - and I want to be like that as a non-smoker.

I think it's something to do with being outside for five minutes to yourself or the breathing, I don't know.

Maybe there's even some kind of science behind it. I'm just more fun to be around.

I'm not saying non-smokers or ex-smokers aren't fun at all - just saying that I need to think of other ways to replicate what smoking does to me without smoking. And whether any other ex-smoker had found this and how they'd dealt with it.

FFS grow up.

Go outside for five minutes and take deep breaths

Ok, I obviously am being unreasonable and probably do need to grow up. I'm not saying it's big or clever. I don't think that at all.

OP - I absolutely understand When I stop smoking (even after the hideous nicotine withdrawal where I want to kill everyone has gone!), I'm still never as calm or fun with the children

I do think it's the "break" I miss. I never smoked in front of them
and that cigarette I had sitting on the front step when DH got home from work was up there with the best 5 minutes of my day

I could and should just go outside and have 5 minutes break/fresh air. It just makes me want to smoke (association I suppose). I generally go upstairs and lie on the bed for 10 minutes instead. It's not the same though

Get vaping, all the fun of smoking without the health risks and so many lovely flavour to choose from..

I was just taking the piss, I know what you mean. Buy a bag of lollies. Step out of the room for the time it takes to suck it til its gone. JD

electronic cigarettes from tesco. Ten motives. Menthol flavour are nice x

Have a read of this thread Gave up smoking with no side effects. When I've given up before I've been close to murder!

I would recommend trying an e-cig, you still get your 5 mins and the calming effect. I have been using one for 5 weeks now and know I will never go back to smoking again, I don't even miss it.

I don't know why people are having a go at you- clearly smoking is tempting and addictive or millions of people wouldn't do it.

How long have you not been smoking for? If it is less than a month or two you could well be still in the withdrawal stage which makes you anxious, grumpy and disturbs your sleep as you are used to nicotine.

It sounds like you feel wound up and anxious without the cigarettes, that having a break and breathing deeply is something you get out of smoking. Lots of people are raving about vaping (see the e-cigarette thread) for this reason, as it seems to come close to simulating smoking in a way that say nicotine replacement patches don't.

You know you need to quit but you also know you need to not end up anxious and stressed. Any of the obvious ways- meditation, relaxation, visualisation (there are loads of free online resources if you look about and get some downloaded to listen to) work, and perhaps consider vaping.

My mum has turned to electronic cigarettes after 40 years smoking. Massive improvements on the financial front too!

Yes you are... Just not for as long. I miss fags

How long did you give up for OP?

I know exactly where you are coming from, as I said the same to my DH when I gave up. I just basically thought I was a nicer, more fun person when I smoked! (Sorry Previous posters but it's true )

I was more chilled out and less stressed when I smoked. As soon as I gave up I found myself to be quite moany! Everything got on my nerves..but it did pass, and I was 'back to my normal self'after a few months.

Calloh, YANBU when you pose the question. No one understands when you have been a smoker and stopped to have children then when it 's not a health issue to baby you think fuck I'm freakin stressed out, I'll have a tab. Please do not judge until you know what it is like to be a smoker. It does unwind a smoker like a glass of wine can de-stress a mum on a night. Lets just say we're all different and if a little toot of a fag or glass of vino gets us through the crappyness and our kids are fine, then yet.

Calloh I agree with you! I recently tried to quit again and after 8 weeks my OH sat me down and told me I was being a bitch from hell making everyone's life a misery. I bought a pack of ten the next day. My colleagues saw it in my hand and cheered! Quitting wasn't hard (I hardly ever had a craving) but my personality changed so much. Mum said I was agressive, my OH threatened to move out and my boss was suggesting a career change. If anyone has any advice for me a calloh about how to prevent the personality change I'd be super grateful.

Thank you! I'm going to vape until the cows come home! I hadn't really thought about that.

I gave up smoking six years ago but have gone back from time to time, when out or when stressed.

I had one in May and it was grim and I thought that's oils be the last ever, but I just got drawn back. I have an unused pack of Nicorette by the kitchen sink but have never opened it.

I think part of it is that it's time for you, when you actively don't want children there and is workable into your day and something to look forward to. Maybe it's that which makes me better with the children.

Thank you!

Urgh I have recently started smoking again after quitting for 3 months with an e-cig. I am much happier as a smoker. I was stood in the back garden at 6am this morning with a fag and a cuppa before work and felt like everything was right with the world again

Thank you nbee84 buying them now!

Vape!

I bought an ego T kit for about £24 and some e liquid from vape escape. Haven't had a smoke in nearly 6 weeks. Don't miss being smelly!!

Another vaper here, smoked 20 + marl lights a day for 20 years. Bought an e CIG in June and haven't had a stinky since. I use a variable voltage battery with a mini pro tank.

Are you sure that other people would agree you are a nicer person?

Smoking turns my DH into a horrible moody guy who is stressed out and grumpy when in need of a cigarette. Perfectly nice after he's had his fix but truly awful to be around if he needs to smoke but can't.

When he gave up for a few years he was much nicer to be around.

Oh, and we watched his mum die from a smoking related cancer and I must say it didn't matter how nice a personality she had when smoking, it still killed her.

Sorry to be blunt. I think it's everybody's right to smoke of that's what they want to do, but it would be naive to think it makes you a nicer person.

Sorry just read my post and it's a bit harsh. Just hit a raw nerve as fed up with DH's smoking induced moods.
Sorry.

Gastro I think that's a fair point, not harsh. It may well be the satisfaction that makes me nice and the lead up to it makes me a bitch, but I only see the nice bit.

I hadn't realised how much time I spent looking for a lighter until I didn't need one anymore. So I suppose you don't see the whole picture.

I am sorry about your MIL, it must have been incredibly grim for everyone.