aibu to tell my hv to sod off & let my baby cry?

[judgejudithjudy]

ds is 9 months old & due to a few issues (biting & wanting breast as comfort every 40 mins) ive started to bottle feed & weaning off of the breast. ds still doesnt sleep through the night & will only nap on me after a bf. hv since day one has told me not to leave him to cry himself to sleep but im at the end of my teether as want(need) to go back to work.

should i tell the hv to sod off & try leaving him to self settle? crying or not crying as can see me still bfing her to sleep at 16 & will only fall asleep on me :-\

PrimalLass - that is a good point - my parents did this with my brother. He clearly didn't need the milk (was massive) so they gave him cuddles but not milk during the night. He soon gave up waking.

Lots of babies don't sleep through at 9 months for one reason or another but this might be worth a go.

When my dd was a year we started giving her water if she woke in the night rather than milk and this have the same effect - she couldn't be bothered to wake up for it. Couldn't do it before because she had some health problems - these were resolved before she was a year just to cut a long story short. This was recommended by our hv who knew I wasn't keen on leaving "to cry" (in "" because I think this is a silly expression - not like you want them to cry!)

But I was just not keen on it myself rather than thinking controlled crying at a year was wrong per se. Don't think it's wrong at 9 months - it's up to you and your instinct as to what with work and be good for your ds.

Good luck.

Remember whatever you do this is a phase and will not last.

try Tracy Hoggs pick up/put down method combined with the shush/pat method

(read the Baby Whisperer book Sleep section)

those methods worked well for us, even for older children.

Can I suggest to join the circus and make some money if you still bf your DC at the age of 16!

Many parents in your position wouldn't admit to a nursery or child minder that their child was a terrible sleeper and even if "they sleep fine" at home even the most angelic sleeper can be impossible to get to sleep out of the home environment. In my experience it tends to be the bad sleepers who sleep better at nursery and the ones who've always slept well at home who will constantly refuse to sleep. As others have said child carers will find their own ways to settle children in their care even if they've only ever slept on mum and with the boob. So you don't have to write that off as an option just because of that. If you have the courage to be honest with whatever childcare you choose, as a nursery nurse I'd have the greatest of respect for you and know my manager would feel the same. Yes you'd be told the nursery can't spend hours and hours one to one getting your little one to sleep but we also wouldn't write you off as a potential client. Given the warning and trailing different methods for difficult sleepers my nursery has always been remarkably good at getting members of staff in a position that they can help all children who need to sleep get to sleep with out having to offer constant one to one. The only problems we've ever had is when parents are adamant they must sleep at this exact time in this exact way.
As for leaving your ds to cry only you know what you're comfortable with doing. My dd is just one and it's only in the last month that I've felt comfortable to let her cry at all when trying to settle to sleep. Before that she slept on me in the day time and always fed to sleep. Then she stopped feeding to sleep and was constantly biting. I don't like to let her cry but she now does have several different cries which I can comfortably tell apart. I stay with her when I put her to bed because I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her and she cries a little, I'll pick her up if she wants and rock/cuddle for a moment but have decided I don't want to feed her to sleep or put her down asleep. She did cry to begin with but it was frustrated and grumpy, not scared or hurt or really upset and will let herself be comforted with singing, patting, hair stroking and hand holding. The last week has been a real improvement, now she has a pillow she's settling much better and wants to be picked up less and less and is settling to sleep much quicker. We've now disscovered she likes me to call dh's name and will stop crying when I do this and lie down to go to sleep. We've done what I am comfortable with and gone with what works for us, you can try something different if you feel you need to and always stop if you feel it isn't right for you.

Ds was never ever comforted or feed to sleep, he never even just nodded off in the pram, he always needed an almighty roar before be dropped off. Do what works for you.