WWYD? School mum has told her child to stay away from mines...

[TheCalvert]

Long time lurker but would appreciate some advice.

My DS has come home from school today telling me his best class friend has been told by his mother to steer clear from my DS at all times.

The relationship with the other mother has not been easy, I've known her for 2 years and find her difficult to talk to, but have always tried to make an effort with her and have ignored her blatant rudeness to me on a number of occasions to keep the peace.

i do now however feel she has overstepped the mark; my DS is upset and so am I. I can't believe that an adult (has profession, educated etc.) could be so vitriolic and involve children (6 y/o's) in something which i feel is her problem.

I've been over it with DS, he is adamant this is what was said to the extent that the other boy walked away from him at break today. They are normally joined at the hip so this in itself is unusual. My son is popular, but they share many of the same friendships so worried he may become marginalized as a worst case scenario.

All advice very welcome. Sorry for SPAG, on phone!

Difficult situation. I would be tempted to ask her straight out infront of a number of other mums. Shame her into submission

I have to say I have been the other mum in this situation. However it was because the other boy would hit/push/scream in his face/ignore him when he was with another mate. my ds was forever upset so I told him to stay away and I avoided his mum. (tears after school many a time)

After a year the other boy calmed down and is now very polite (I suspect his mum realised plus he has grown up a bit!) and they are friends again now and I have had him over for a playdate. However at the time I very nearly had it out with the other mum- im really glad I didn't now!

My point being sometimes a bit of space is good for all concerned. Leave it and move on. If your DS is upset over it then perhaps invite said mum out for coffee and a chat, see if you can get to the bottom of it.

It might be worth asking the teacher if they have noticed anything.

If the other mum is a social climber then sod her and explain to your ds that not everyone is nice and play with those that are.

Is the Mum a teacher at the same school?

Surely mothers right though. Mot only your side of if

Are you sure that's exactly what she means though? I tell my 7yo DD that while it's nice to have a best friend, it's important to have lots of friends and get on with everyone.
Could she have said something like this and the boys have misinterpreted it?

Then in Y2 I told DS to play with other people rather than one of the boys in his class. This 'friend' kept playing very rough with him, so much so that every day he had a new bruise somewhere on his body and at least 3 head injury forms a week. I never went in to complain as I thought boys will be boys, but I did everything I could to encourage other friendships. 2 years later they hardly ever play together and DS comes home bruise free. The other Mother may have a reason you don't know about.

I would definitely mention it to the teacher .She can then have a general chat about nobody having the right to tell you who you can and cannot play with.Hopefully the boy will then decide that if the cap fits....

Thankfully she doesn't work in the same school.

Honestly though, no issues with school at all. The teacher is very proactive in keeping children to the end of the queue to talk to the parent if there is a problem. We were thoroughly assured that there were no issues with other children, he plays well, usually good at listening and is doing really well academically.

Lord I see what you mean, there are two sides but I believe her issue is with me rather than either of my sons. It grates on my that she would make my DS (and indeed her boy) suffer because of who she does and doesn't like. Just to highlight further, they always line up together, play during breaks together and are grouped together by the teacher.

I think it's possible she's a social climber and is looking for friends who have families more like her. Or it's possible your ds is upsetting hers in some way. Or it's possible she is overreacting about something they have fallen out about. You'll probably never know. Best thing is to encourage him to play with others.

I wouldn't be nice to her, you don't 'kill' people with undeserved kindness, it gives them the belief that they can behave as appallingly as they want because they'll get no more than a passive fake smile in response. Which they will do.

Let your mutual friends know that she's told her child to stay away from yours because she thinks she's above you and mock her and her wannabe, social climbing ways. Laugh about her. It'll get back to her and she'll feel like a dick, perhaps even paranoid that everyone else is laughing too.

When meeting in the playground ignore or look her up and down and smirk. If you have friends to nudge and smirk with you, even better. Juvenile but with people like that, it works.

Although perhaps it would be best to find out from the teacher that there are no problems between the kids first!

You only have your DS word for this.

Many of times DC have came home and said libby will not play with me and i have said well dont play with libby then and play with someone else ( not a real name)

no i agree you don't kill with kindness - thats called kissing her arse,

fuck her off - she's a bitch

I wouldn't kiss her arse either, the cow. Be polite, smile and walk on. Do not engage with her other than that. And encourage your boy to stick with other friendships too. Kids work out who they want to be friends with in the end anyway, regardless of parents trying to control that.

Oh lord, don't speak to the teacher if it's an issue with a mother. What on earth is the teacher supposed to do?
Talk to the class and explain that no one has the right to tell them who they can and can't play with in school

and also read woo woo's post where she tells children that their parents don't make the rules in school