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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned for these children

33 replies

StrawberryTiger · 05/11/2013 17:43

For a while now DH and I have been concerned about 2 children that live near us, and would welcome some advice. I'm completely open to the fact that we may be being unreasonable.

I'm a semi regular poster (naice ham, rosepettel, yoni massage etc) who has name changed for this. Apologies if this is long, I don't want to drip feed.

DH and I live in a large estate on the edge of town. There is one busy access road in, with many roads leading off this, which are quieter. We live on one of these side roads.

Opposite us live a family with 2 boys. DS1 is 10 and DS2 is 4. The parents have always given them a lot of freedom, but I am now worrying that it is bordering on neglect.

For example, they are allowed to play out

OP posts:
DavyCrockett · 05/11/2013 17:44

Keep going

Sirzy · 05/11/2013 17:47

I assume there is a lot more to this?

LoofahVanDross · 05/11/2013 17:47

what????

comedycentral · 05/11/2013 17:48

Only read what you posted first but can I just stop you there really and say mumsnet is not the place. You can call NSPCC or childrens services for some actual advice that could have an actual impact if required.

comedycentral · 05/11/2013 17:49

That sounded snippy but what I am trying to say is although MN can support you with this potentially it will not support those children if they need it

LoofahVanDross · 05/11/2013 17:50

But we haven't got to the bottom of it yet comedy!

FestiveEdition · 05/11/2013 17:51

OP, I am guessing the 'half post' was a posting error rather than a drip feed, so will wait for part 2..........

Original poster
StrawberryTiger · 05/11/2013 17:51

Posted too soon!

They are allowed to play outside alone until 10.30 ish at night. Several times neighbours have bought them home.

DS2 has run naked into the main road twice, once narrowly avoiding a bus.

DS1 regularly cycles to the other side of town (no lights or bike helmet) alone, a distance of 2 miles.

The boys are sworn at regularly, with DS1 told that his younger brother is the favourite and he will amount to nothing.

Yesterday, DS1 fell while playing. I went outside to help and was told that he was alone as his mother had gone out. I cleaned his cuts and asked him to call her, but he didn't have her number. She was away with DS2 for around 3 hours leaving him in charge of the house.

We have spoken to neighbours and one said that he called SS, but we are not sure if he did, and if his concerns were followed up.

AIBU to be worried for both children?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 05/11/2013 17:54

I know we haven't but I would say if someone had a concern about a child there is no harm calling NSPCC helpline that's what they are there for.

CoffeeTea103 · 05/11/2013 17:54

Has anyone had any interaction with the parents?

SkullyAndBones · 05/11/2013 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spirulina · 05/11/2013 17:56

NSPCC? pretty useless imo,but you could ring them,see what they say....or don't say!

or you could just call ss and cut out the middle man

comedycentral · 05/11/2013 17:56

Read your update. I would give either NSPCC or children's services a call and just have a chat with them.

HaroldLloyd · 05/11/2013 17:59

Have you any relationship/knowledge of the parents?

I think if its enough to ring alarm bells then its definitely time to get advice.

Do you know who called SS? Did they def. do it?

uncomfortablydumb · 05/11/2013 18:00

Certainly not BU to be concerned for the kids. IMO some 10yo could be very mature, may be able to deal with time unsupervised. But certainly not a 4yo, and definitely not if the 4yo is in the care of the 10yo.

But I wouldn't know where the best contact would be, but as suggested upthread NSPCC is a good start.

What are the parents like?

DavyCrockett · 05/11/2013 18:04

You're justified in being concerned, I hope that you can manage to alert someone to this situation.

They may already be known to some organisation through school,

Do contact either school or NSPCC

FestiveEdition · 05/11/2013 18:08

I think you should go with your gut instinct, which seems to be that it is time to do 'something'.
It is a truism that what is seen is often only the tip of the iceberg.

I would agree with others here, and speak with the NSPCC for some guidance and their view on the situation.
Depending on that response, I would call SS with an advisory.

uncomfortablydumb · 05/11/2013 18:08

Sorry, I've just reread and noticed this The boys are sworn at regularly, with DS1 told that his younger brother is the favourite and he will amount to nothing Sad

Do you hear this directly or from DS1?

nurseneedshelp · 05/11/2013 18:11

I think you should ring SS, it might be that they are very laid back and have very relaxed parenting skills.

However, there might be more going on inside the house that everyone is unaware of....

All the case reports state that the neighbours had concerns, go with your gut instinct!

Spirulina · 05/11/2013 18:11

I just read that bit too....poor kids. yes op,do something, I would

rockybalboa · 05/11/2013 18:13

YANBU. Call SS and let them investigate.

Original poster
StrawberryTiger · 05/11/2013 18:13

DH and I know the parents fairly well. They can be very difficult - one side has criminal connections (apologies for the dripfeed, I didn't think to mention this) and DH is worried that if we express concerns to them then they will react very badly.

I know the school that the older goes to but not the younger. Our neighbour said that they called SS, but I don't know the outcome and if anything did happen. I think the solution may be to call the NSPCC anonymously.

Thanks for the advice everyone, i'm going out shortly but will be back later if anyone has further questions.

OP posts:
bundaberg · 05/11/2013 18:15

I would absolutely call SS in these circumstances.

Original poster
StrawberryTiger · 05/11/2013 18:16

uncomfortably, DH and I have witnessed this ourselves. Their DF in particular swears at both boys, and has told us in front of DS1 that he is stupid and won't amount to anything Sad. DH disagreed but their DF stood firm.

OP posts:
bundaberg · 05/11/2013 18:16

i can't see how there could be repercussions. there are presumably plenty of neighbours who could have called... they won't know it's you!