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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset how my husband spoke to me

8 replies

dontknowwhattodo1 · 05/11/2013 12:45

Last night my husband was getting stuff out of the car and left the front door wide open, I asked him if he could close the door to in between going out to the car as the heating was on and house became really cold. He moaned that it was easier to leave it open and I was going on. He was in a funny mood anyway prior to this as I heard him say "fuck In hell" in the kitchen when he dropped something and I told him not to say that as our 4 year old heard.

We ended up having a row and he said "is this how your mom spoke to your dad?" I really lost it then as my dad died a couple of years ago so is very raw. I didn't swear at him or anything but told him I have had enough of him always in a mood and always saying little sarcastic remarks and basically the way he speaks to me(my 4 year old was asleep in bed at this point) At this point he walked out and drove off somewhere. I also have a 14 month old who was upstairs at the time playing with his toys. I was really upset at this point.

My husband came back about 20 minutes later and realising our baby was not in bed accused me of neglecting him! He also called me a bitch. I said dont call me a bitch and he said i'm only like this because of my dads death. I told him to stop throwing my dads death in my face because whenever we have an argument he says that everytime as he knows my weakness.

I haven't spoke to him today and feel so upset. I really don't know what to think as he was trying to be nice this morning, he said sorry but said I never apologise. Trouble is this is not the only time he has called me names, he also called me a liar.

OP posts:
RevelsRoulette · 05/11/2013 12:50

Is this how his dad treated his mum is the obvious reply to that bit of shit from him.

What do you want to happen?

(tbh, you can probably rule out him having an epiphany and treating you like a human being deserving of respect.)

dontknowwhattodo1 · 05/11/2013 12:54

His dad walked out when he was young and swore at his mom. I never heard any bad language exchange between my parents when I was growing up, I'm not saying they didn't argue but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I'm just so upset that he is trying to dirty my dad's memory.

OP posts:
KhunZhoop · 05/11/2013 12:56

Have you considered grief counselling? For you to be describing your father's death as still "very raw" after a couple of years is ... somewhat concerning. Is there more behind this?

RevelsRoulette · 05/11/2013 12:58

It's difficult to know what to say to you, tbh. It's just a terribly sad way for you to live. Obviously it's shit that he's treating you like this. Clearly it's a terrible model for future relationships for your child. Plainly he doesn't give a shit.
What do you want to do? Talk to him? Give him an ultimatum? leave? stay?

dontknowwhattodo1 · 05/11/2013 12:59

I did consider it but didn't go through with it. When I said very raw I meant that I am trying to deal with it but when my husband throws it in my face it brings it back and I find it upsetting as my dad liked my husband and my husband liked my dad so I don't understand why he would do it other than to hurt me.

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FunLovinBunster · 05/11/2013 13:01

Your husband is a wanker. Get rid.

KhunZhoop · 05/11/2013 13:02

If it's something that keeps coming up, then maybe it IS something you need to deal with, for yourself. Seriously, it's not healthy how you describe it.

Your husband is being an arse, btw, but I think you already know that. Some counselling might help you get some perspective on both your father, and your husband. Seriously, it shouldn't still be "raw" after a couple of years. Painful, still, yes, but not raw.

dontknowwhattodo1 · 05/11/2013 13:12

Don't know what to do to be honest regarding my husband. Find it quite scary the thought of bringing the children up on my own and im not working since my second as my wage would just have paid for childcare so financially I couldn't afford to be on my own. He says I don't do anything but I cook every night, do all the washing, iron put clothes away, tidy around and clean. I also do bedtime and bath time every night. He does help me out when he gets home from work.

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