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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you all to talk some sense into me.

20 replies

MrsDrRanj · 04/11/2013 19:21

But please try to be gentle.

Almost a year ago I moved to a new area with DS. I'm a single parent and don't have any friends in the new area although I do have some family close by, started going to children's centres etc but I am generally nervous about making friends so it's been pretty lonely.

Long story short...I started seeing a guy that lives on my road (stupid I know). He'd come over for dinner and films etc and eventually we slept together quite a few times.

Now he has started to ignore my calls. He hasn't come over in around a month. I texted him to ask what was going on and he said he was just busy etc the usual crap excuses. I told him there's obviously something going on and he should just be honest with me if he's not interested/has found someone else because it would be awkward for us to end on bad terms seeing as we live on the same road.

I have heard nothing from him since, this was about a week ago. The problem is it's driving me crazy. I see him walking down my road or hear him talking to his friends when I'm inside watching telly and it hurts. It's a real effort not to call and text him and I feel so pathetic. I know he's not good enough for me and I should move on and forget him but it's really eating away at me knowing he's acted like this and is still around.

Best way to deal with this? Or do I just need a bit of a slap?

OP posts:
Feminine · 04/11/2013 19:23

he needs a slap!

You need a hug, and help to forget an ass like him.

OTheHugeManatee · 04/11/2013 19:25

If he's blanking you he's acting like a cock and deserves no more of your time. But I do know how irresistible it can feel to want to get an explanation from the person acting like a cock.

The only cure for this is having other people and interests to distract you. The more friendly people you have around, the less likely you are to put up with wankers who shag you then blow hot and cold.

Online dating? Join a club or something?

AgentZigzag · 04/11/2013 19:27

YANBU to not want to be lonely, but this bloke isn't the one to rely on.

Maybe he likes you and doesn't want to hurt you by saying out loud that he doesn't want a relationship with you.

SoleSorceress · 04/11/2013 19:29

I think your reaction is totally.healthy. He clearly cares less for you than you do.about him. It is very difficult emotionally in this scenario.as we need closure. So shut the door. Delete and ignore. He is a coward and cannot finish the relationship between you to your face as you deserve or I'm.sorry to say he may have found someone else and is waiting to see if that works out and if not slime.his way back.into your bed.

You now have to trear yourself better by not allowing anymore of his cowardice to affect your emotions and life.

Get rid!

You know his treatment of you is shit and you know how to treat people in the corect manner.

Letting go is not caring about him or how he conducts his life.

Why should you move?

Fuck him and his shitty manners

everlong · 04/11/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 04/11/2013 19:29

I keep having an image of me being all dressed up off on a night out and him seeing me and realising what an idiot he is sadcase

I'm quite a loner these days and I feel like if I made the effort to go out it would only be to hope he would notice and realise he's made a mistake.

God I sound ridiculous.

The evenings are just so empty when DS is in bed. I need a hobby or something to stop me obsessing over this arsehole.

OP posts:
RevelsRoulette · 04/11/2013 19:30

The best way to deal with it is to accept that he's a giant and cowardly cock who chased you because he wanted to have sex with you and now he's moved on and is undeserving of any further time in your head and you're too good for him.

I would say 'fake it till you make it' and act like you don't give a shit. Please don't continue to try to force him to talk to you, that won't end well for you.

What you need is mates. I know it's hard to make friends but keep plugging away at it. If you have childcare, then maybe an evening class or something? Or parents groups. Anything really. What it is doesn't matter so much as the opportunity it gives you to meet people you might get on well with.

SoleSorceress · 04/11/2013 19:31

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a sadcase. You are lonely x

SugarHut · 04/11/2013 19:42

How mean of him. It's just a basic lack of manners and general upbringing for him not even have the decency to say "I'm really sorry, I like you, but don't want to pursue a relationship anymore" or something like that.

I got told that fairly recently. And that sucked enough. But when someone's too much of a poorly educated oik to even acknowledge it's the very least you can do to let the other person know you're not feeling it anymore? Bad form on his behalf. Very bad form.

You don't need this dick. And whilst I'd be fuming in your position that he hadn't taken communicating with me into consideration at all, I would also take some comfort in that fact that I had misjudged the guy as being a decent chap, when clearly he's a bit of a nob.

Mia4 · 04/11/2013 19:46

I'm sorry OP, I think you need to take control to get closure. You need to move on and start dating other people and if (more likely when) he rocks up again wanting some booty, tell him to jog on.

Have you tired online dating? Speed dating?

Hobbies are good, if you like or could do writing I'd recommend nanowrimo- you seriously will have no free time to think of him for the next month.

Mia4 · 04/11/2013 19:47

And, to add, he's played and a twat. I can't stand people that mess around like that, I think they like hurting and confounding people, it gets them off and makes them feel better about themselves.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 04/11/2013 19:50

I think you know exactly what's what and you just need a bit of kindness in your life. Hope you find it soon.

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 04/11/2013 19:51

Sit on doorstep and when see him launch water balloons at him with a sling shot.

This happened to me and the tosser had cheek to drunk text me early Sunday morning. He rang and I told him to.fuck a goat. It felt great Grin

I understand needing to know but eventually you wont even care why

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 04/11/2013 19:52

Oh, I'm a single mum too with no social life and spend lonely nights. Its shit but its better to be alone then with an arse

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 04/11/2013 20:00

Thank you all for your sense and kindness.

I also don't know how to act if (when) we inevitably pass eachother in the street. I want to keep my dignity and I just don't know how is best to handle that situation. Ignore him completely? Kick him in the balls? Smile and say hello and just keep walking?

OP posts:
SoleSorceress · 04/11/2013 20:09

Don't make the first move, let him if you see each other. You have done enough. If he approaches you and starts to chat ... I would ask him who he thinks he is to expect a reply. Walk away.

HauntedFlyingNaanBread · 04/11/2013 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleSorceress · 04/11/2013 20:13

Yes, ignore my advice

Revenge is a dish best served COLD

FUCK.HIM THE SNEAKY COWARD

RevelsRoulette · 04/11/2013 20:21

I would say hello in a disinterested way without breaking stride.

rainbowfeet · 04/11/2013 20:49

Oh op I feel your pain Hmm
Went through this when I started a relationship with a neighbour a couple of years ago... It went very badly wrong we had a dc but he has never even acknowledged him .. Long story & a very sad time in my life, he was abusive & it was really tough living so close to him.
I have moved away now Smile & life is better... There is a saying never shit on your own doorstep.. Bit uncoof but very true!!

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