AIBU ??

[wontletmesignin]

to stand my ground and say no to anymore chances with somebody who has an incredible amount of issues, and doesn't seem to stop taking them out on those around them?
even when it involves children.

i am being made out to be the bad one, when all i have done is stuck up for my dd.
after trying to help with these issues for years. with nothing but broken promises in return

Stand your ground yanbu. You are not the bad person for refusing to deal with someone else's issues they are for expecting you to.

Of course YANBU, you can choose to be or not be with whoever you want.

So what if they're trying to make out you're responsible for their behaviour? Refuse to play the game. If you're not keen on them any more it'll be easier not to care what they think.

Even there's not a lot of detail in your OP, bottom line is you don't have to stay with someone who's making you unhappy.

yes, they are trying to make me out to be responsible for their behavior.
even to the point of claiming the real reason behind PTSD was a lie he needed to make in order to be able to cope with me?
come on, help me with that one please.
to me, it shows just how fucked up this person is!

what is bothering me about it, is that he is getting people believing him, as we have had to keep his behavior secret - now i know why. so he can flip it all. but the truth always comes out in the end, and i can see them witnessing what i have been seeing for years, in the very near future.

agentzigzag, you commented on my previous post regarding this matter.
my accounts were either hijacked, or chrome has gone funny, or i was banned for something im not aware of. idk

I wondered whether you were the same poster, wasn't the thread moved to relationships?

Just had a look and it was, here's a link

I usually hide threads then wonder where they've gone

He probably wanted to keep it secret because he knew other people would see him for what he is?

yes, that's the one.

i don't think i have hidden it. i have lost my full 'talk' section. i cannot access it. so i have also had to start another thread off in relationships finishing off what happened today.
not wanting to post in the same section, in case he is watching it or something.
i have also had to switch browser, so i don't know if chrome is just being a pain atm?

it's called something like 'follow up ...(can'tremembertherest)' if you want to take a look

Here it is

Well done for standing your ground, call the police out whenever you need to, he shouldn't be threatening you.

Take no notice of anyone trying to pressure you into doing what he says, you've made the right choice and it's not for them to tell you what to do.

'forgot to mention that i am warped, fucked up, manipulative, sly and cunning.'

That's him not you, like I said, don't let him make you feel it's you doing this, it's all him.

yes, thank you. even the officer on the phone said to me "from what i can hear, it is him creating the drama - not you"

i still feel like iabu in a sense.
but i understand i self doubt, which is why i feel i need to draw strength from these posts especially. reading back on i have wrote and what not.

he does project a lot. we came to that conclusion ages ago.
he admits it when he is in his ok frame of mind, but strongly denies it in his other frame.
i am sure he has split personalities

another thing that makes me think this is he is called by his nickname - only when he is in his awful frame of mind, he must be called by his real name

I suspect he's accessed your previous account and email. What is your solicitor doing re your ds? As a previous victim of domestic abuse can I add that I think you are being incredibly brave.

i have no idea regarding my other accounts. i can only assume.

my solicitor, i have an appointment tomorrow. but they also want 150 upfront, and i don't think i have that! so i don't know what i'm going to do with that.
i am, however, going to my dc's school tomorrow to speak to one of the teachers, who works with SS, for some further advice.

trust me, i am far from brave. i am shitting myself. but thank you very much :) but i have been through this before - the only thing that has had me stumped this time is, it has been emotional/verbal abuse. my last domestic relationship was physical abuse.
like i stated in previous posts. he has ptsd. so trying to unravel what is ptsd, and what is actual meanness has been rather difficult.

i have tried that hard, for that long now i couldn't give a toss whether its ptsd or not. i am not prepared to put up with it and be his punchbag no more. i am most definitely not prepared to put my dc in that position.

i am sorry that you have been through a similar thing jacks,. i hope you are now free from it

With regards to the solicitors you will be or should be entitled to legal aid due to the domestic abuse so make sure you raise that with them. Good luck it's a horrible position to be in, mine never actually took the dc but its a fear I lived with and did discuss with my solicitor. It's one of the reasons my youngest's father doesn't have pr (that and the fact that he was trying to hide her existence cos he was living a double life).

that is just disgusting, jacks. i really don't understand why some people feel the need to use their child as a weapon!

i did raise that with them - but they said their funding had been cut. i may ring another solicitors tomorrow.
he says he will be dropping my ds off at nursery on wed for me to pick up. his dm has also stated that he would never take him away from me.

i think she is so blinded though, she doesn't even see where he goes wrong.

how can she feel the need to pull him away from me, yet then tell me i am going overboard for ringing the police - regarding his aggression - not the fact he has taken my ds.

i think there are things i will never understand.

i also have been here before, with the fear of oh taking my dc. pr was not an option when i had my youngest. it came automatically as soon as their name went on the birth cert.

i just think it is cruel for people to say that they are going to take them and not return them. the parent is forever anxious come visitation and the child will obviously pick up on this.
therefore, they are making the child suffer. because of their own selfishness and stupidity.

it is exactly the same when people throw out the "the child isn't yours".
i bet if i said that in the heat of the moment, he wouldn't ever be able to let that go.
so why should i just put blind faith in him and believe him when his dm now states he will be returned?

argh

is it me? really? am i the one not seeing things clearly here?

Yes its well and truly behind me now and I'm happy with my life. I'm single but content to be so. It's going to take someone very special to make me change that. Life is good though and I've no complaints.

that is good to hear jacks. i am quite looking forward to it myself :)
sometimes we need to give ourselves a little tlc, especially after difficult relationships.
i am pleased to hear some positivity :) thank you xx

I know it will sound a lot right now but you will appreciate it later. Grab a bit of paper and just note date, time, and even just the barest notes if that's all you can do on every incident. Honestly the stuff they do when it comes to emotional abuse just sounds so insane to normal people when you say it all later it'll just sound fantastic. You need to
Take notes so you don't get confused or doubt yourself later. Also anything that is clearly written at the time of the incident can be used to back up what you are saying in court.

thank you very much sister. i will definitely do that :)
i can see how much that would help things, as they unfold in to whatever way they may! xx

Funding has been cut for solicitors with the exception of domestic violence, what you have gone through ie the emotional and verbal abuse as well as the controlling behaviour comes under the definition of domestic violence for the purposes of legal aid. Since ss are involved they can provide you with a letter for tge solicitors.

There are some seriously shit men out there but you can get past this and rebuild a better life for yourself and your dc

thank you for your help, jacks :) i will ring them in the morning and go over things with them in a more clear view. today was just about stopping myself from crying whilst talking to them lol. so hopefully, tomorrow i will be more clear and will get this legal aid.
SS aren't yet involved. there is no immediate danger, and so they aren't getting involved.
but, i am going to try and get them involved.