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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for a positive thread about improving your life when you are older

15 replies

custardlovinggreyhound · 04/11/2013 14:01

because I'm feeling awfully low and have been reading a thread full of 35 year olds saying how much they hate getting older and wrinkly.

Well I'm 50 and my face is quite lined, I get my grey covered and have lost a stone (stone and a half to go). However, I feel so anxious and panicky and would love to hear about people who turned their life around at my age or - gasp - older Smile

I have one child (9) and have been a SAHM partly through choice, partly through lack of choice Confused all her life. I am trying to get back to work but have little confidence. No family apart from DH and DD. And - I've come to realise - no friends (due to giving up work, moving, life). I spend all day every day alone (til DD home from school) and the isolation is suffocating me.

Would just like to hear something positive if anyone has anything to share.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 04/11/2013 14:07

I am 46 and recently finished an access course. I am now doing a nursing degree. Loving life at uni. I have three DC, DD1 is 18, lives with her BF, DD2 is 8 and DS is 7. I have a supportive DP, who changed his work hours a little, so he can do the morning school run, and picks them up after after school club, so I am free to be at uni and do shifts when on placement. I feel a bit selfish doing this, but it will benefit my family in the long run.

I do have loads of friends, as I am very outgoing.

Would you be interested in doing a course of some kind? Join the school PTA and become LDC woman?

Renniehorta · 04/11/2013 14:19

At 60 I have a better social life now than at any time since I was at uni. I took early retirement at 55 and had no idea of what I was going to do with my life. Especially as I am long time divorced and my only dc was about to go to uni.

However I have made fantastic friends through classes that I enrolled in and activities I got involved in. People don't come to you if you just stay at home. I find that my circle of friends has grown like a snowball. I also make a point of saying 'yes' to things, even if in principle I am not that keen.

Original poster
custardlovinggreyhound · 04/11/2013 15:46

Thanks for replies. Didn't mean for my OP to sound so pitiful Blush

"People don't come to you if you just stay at home"

Indeed and, trust me, I've made many attempts at friendship since moving here and had nothing but knock backs. Think work or a course might help.

Any more positive stories?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 04/11/2013 15:49

Hi
I am in my early fifties but a young one.
Im afraid i cant do the things i would like because i have three dcs and an ill mother.

I m planning to buy some new clothes and make sure that they are different to what i usually buy.

New recipes, friends for lunch etc.

Early morning swimning if i can manage the time with dh sorting out the dcs.

If i was in your situation i would also start a class and a new sport, simething that i havent done before.
And i would ask if there are people here who are in my area and fancy lunch.

DidoTheDodo · 04/11/2013 15:53

I'm 55. I have a great relationship with my grown up children. I sing in a choir and a band - both great for social life too - and get to please myself much more than when I was younger. My H and I are now wondering how we can semi-retire early (ie get off the career treadmill and do a part time less ambitious sort of a job) and go and live by the seaside.
I would be perfectly happy to be financially poor (but secure, if you get me) and emotionally rich now.

CailinDana · 04/11/2013 16:32

When you say you've had "knock backs" what do you mean?

KittensoftPuppydog · 04/11/2013 16:37

I agree about the classes. If you are a bit out of practice socially it helps to have something to do with other people. Also volunteering.
I am 54 and pretty happy. Just done something I've always wanted to do but never had the time before.

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 16:45

have you tried volunteering it might not make you life long friends or get a job but at least you will be meeting people , or studying I have done both and it really was a godsend for me i am a little younger than you wil older children and I really had to do something for me , find something you would like to volunteer at what you are interesting to you it is only a few hours a week and you can fit it into school hours,

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 16:46

me and the husband are planning to move for 5 years or so to an area we love when dd2 has left school

dorothyparka · 04/11/2013 16:48

Time to start training for that

CHJR · 04/11/2013 16:58

I've been there in the last few years myself, and yes, it's terribly lonely. I'm 48 and have just started looking to go back to work, and amazingly have been getting nibbles which is very encouraging. (We do live in London though.) Meanwhile I started doing some really simple volunteering a couple of years ago, working in a charity shop, that sort of thing and I started forcing myself to talk to everyone out and about, literally bus drivers, posties not that chance encounters have become close friends but they're at least a source of human contact. Of course you are more likely to meet people who become real friends if you meet them through a shared interest in a class or club or group. But it's so hard, isn't it?

mrsjay · 04/11/2013 17:06

a lady i used to volunteer alongside is in her 70s a retired Doctor got her 3rd degree just after her 70th birthday Grin I met her in town but she said hiya but oh must dash i am off to the gym then doing my stint shopping for the food bank , she is awesome

Nanny0gg · 04/11/2013 17:10

Volunteer work.
And:
Join the WI - yes really! Loads of wonderful women of all ages/shapes/sizes/experience/qualifications.

Interesting talks. Loads of groups - walking, cooking, photography, crafts, book, trips, lunches etc etc. And much more,

Great fun. And very little Jam or Jerusalem!

Earthymama · 04/11/2013 17:21

There are lots of groups starting up around the country to address the social problems we are facing if you are politically inclined.
Food banks and charities need volunteers.
Book clubs, hobby groups, all the things other people have mentioned.
The Joseph Rowntree Foundation have just launched this
To tackle loneliness so maybe you can become involved.
I do sympathise though as if you met me you would think I am the life and soul of the party when, in reality, I am actually quite shy and feel that people don't really want to meet up with me.

Good luck, I am older than you and I do love my life now. It is far better not to feel the need to constantly monitor one's appearance. I am in San Francisco and have been told how great I look by several passersby and people I have met.
I decided not to try to wear the same clothes as my daughter. Fashion is aimed at her and at teenagers. I have my own eccentric style and I love it!
As I said, Good Luck x

SleepyFish · 04/11/2013 17:28

Sounds like you need some outside interests.
Agree with mammaTJ, education is a great confidence booster. I was just plodding along and was really feeling the need for a challenge so I applied to do a degree which I started this year at aged 40 and although it's stressfull I am really enjoying using my brain again and meeting lots of new people too. You don't have to go that far though, even night classes in something you're interested in would be good.
Or maybe taking up some form of exercise and setting yourself goals?

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