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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop making the effort?

3 replies

Imnotbeverley · 04/11/2013 11:06

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible...

I have 3, previously considered very good friends. We have been friends since our late teens, and been through a lot together throughout our 20's and now beyond. Around 2 years ago, after being single for several unhappy years, I met and fell head over heels with the man I am now with. I am 36 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and we are very happy together.

When I met this man, I was encouraged by my friends to enjoy it, spend all of my time with him, indulge in wanting to be with each other all the time in the way that new couples do- and I did. I definitely dropped off the radar for a few months. During the same time, one of my friends became single again and another (also single) moved back to our area and they have become a lot closer it seems.

Since then I have not been able to get things back the way they were, despite a lot of effort on my part and none on any of my 3 friends. Suggestions of days to go for lunch/dinner are sometimes ignored, texts un replied, and invites are not extended to me- on the whole, I do see them occasionally. When I see them everything is fine and we have a good time. I do not go on about my happy relationship- if anything I avoid bringing it up as I feel like it is maybe an awkward topic. I have tried to confront the issue, only to be told that everything is fine.

Now being heavily pregnant, I realise that not once during this pregnancy or in the last year, has one of them contacted me to say hello/catch up/suggest meeting up. I wouldn't say it's been a difficult pregnancy, but I have definitely missed having their friendship. I just don't know if I have the energy to continue making the effort with them, bearing in mind that I imagine not doing so will spell the end of our friendship. I don't want that to happen. But really, what would I be missing out on at this point? AIBU?

OP posts:
RenterNomad · 04/11/2013 12:14

It sounds a bit as though you are secretly afraid that they used your new DP to "dump" you. If putting it like that makes you think "yes, that's it," or, "no, I'm being ridiculous," you can act on it more easily.

If you're still not sure, what about changing things a bit: having a bigger party, with different people to mix things up; do a "different" activity together, so your relationship can change again...

Any bells starting toring?

LouiseAderyn · 04/11/2013 13:33

You can't keep making all the effort forever. I would let it go tbh. They don't seem to value your friendship.

MrsLouisTheroux · 04/11/2013 19:09

Friendships change over time. Different priorities on both sides. Your relationship distanced you from them for a while and they formed other friendships in that time. You are now expecting and (possibly) have more time to meet up? They probably haven't though. Don't worry about it if its still good when you see them. I can go months without seeing my lovely friends whereas when I was in my 20s I saw them nearly every day. Take it as it comes and phone them now and again rather than text.

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