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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want child maintenance payments to reflect the increase in cost of living?

19 replies

slippytoes · 03/11/2013 23:36

At the moment, Ex and I have a friendly agreement about child maintenance and he pays X each month for DD.

I want to ask him to increase these payments yearly, to reflect the cost of living.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Strumpetron · 03/11/2013 23:41

Unless his wage is going up to reflect cost of living then I don't think you'll get what you want, although you could ask, perhaps detailing the increases would make your point stronger.

Original poster

slippytoes · 03/11/2013 23:50

yes, he gets a raise each year from his company

how do you estimate the increase in the cost of living? is there an official index?

OP posts:

Strumpetron · 03/11/2013 23:58

I'm not sure but surely if you've noticed it you'll know what areas are most effected?

If his wages are going up I think he should be contributing more anyway to be honest.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 03/11/2013 23:58

I think a fixed % of his income is the best way to go, that way as his earnings increase or decrease so does the child maintenance

SeaSickSal · 04/11/2013 00:02

Slippytoes, it's unlikely that his raise covers the entire increase in the cost of living. In the private sector raises have been about 1-2% per annum for years. A lot of public sector wages are frozen. Don't assume that he is getting a massive rise every year just because the cost of living is going up. It's incredibly unlikely that's the case.

I would sit down with him and ask him how much his raises have been and ask him to increase your support accordingly. But I highly suspect that this won't be more than a 2% rise.

I think it would be a bit unfair for you to expect him to increase your payments to cover the rose in your cost if living if his employers aren't doing the same.

Original poster

slippytoes · 04/11/2013 00:02

thanks, yes that seems reasonable. Do you think it's a good idea to sign an agreement? We never bothered before because the split was amiable...

OP posts:

SeaSickSal · 04/11/2013 00:04

Slippytoes, although some people call it a cost of living rise there is no official index and it doesn't actually keep pace with the rise of cost of living now.

Strumpetron · 04/11/2013 00:07

I think it would be a bit unfair for you to expect him to increase your payments to cover the rose in your cost if living if his employers aren't doing the same

This is what I initially thought but then I thought no, why shouldn't he? If they were a couple he'd still have to do it so it shouldn't have to be any different with them being apart.

I'm not sure how much a child is effected by cost of living but I suppose food, water has gone up. If the OP has to fork out extra for her child surely the dad should too.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 00:09

Why would it be unreasonable for the op to ask for an increase? If he doesn't increase his paid maintenance the op will just have to make up the difference taking on all the additional costs herself.? Kids still have to be fed and someone has to buy no matter how much cost if living goes up

Original poster

slippytoes · 04/11/2013 00:16

thanks again. 4 years ago he was making 27000, he's been promoted and now earns 40000pa. BTW he's terrible managing his finances so a lot of that goes towards credit card repayments etc. only he know, am afraid to ask!

So while I think he could make higher contributions, I also think it'd be a good idea to have a firm agreement.

and yes, I'm struggling a bit because I have to work part time and I do find everything has gone up in the last years!

OP posts:

Laurel1979 · 04/11/2013 01:27

What percent of his current income does he pay you in maintenance? Isn't he meant to pay 25% of that as maintenance for one child? Might be worthwhile checking out the CSA website for guidance, even if you are using an informal agreement.

Monty27 · 04/11/2013 01:45

Do it! your prices go up. Just do it. You deserve it.

poshfrock · 04/11/2013 07:51

It's 15% of net salary under CSA rules ( ie salary after tax, national insurance and pension contributions).
The cost of living has gone up for everyone, most people have not had sufficient pay rises to cope with the increase so the only answer is to cut back in other areas. Of course if the OP'S ex has had a 2% increase then it's only fair that he should increase her maintenance by 2%. But if the cost of living has increased by 3% then the difference will have to be made up by cutting back elsewhere. That's what they would have to do if they were still together.
I work in the private sector and have not had a pay rise in 4 years. My husband is in the public sector and has not had a rise in 2 years but we have 4 kids , one of whom my husband pays maintenance for to his ex, and the bills just keep on rising so we cut back. His ex doesn't like the fact that her maintenance hasn't gone up for 2 years but nor has our income so we all just have to manage.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/11/2013 07:54

"Do you think it's a good idea to sign an agreement? "

Yes. Early days of a split when everyone's feeling guilty and so on, a lot gets promised. As time goes on and there are other calls on his money... credit cards, new partner, whatever... the promises can be easily forgotten. Best to have something in writing rather than relying on good-will. No brainer.

mouseymummy · 04/11/2013 08:15

I think you need to sit down together and make a descion that suits you both. Make it official with documents etc so there is no wriggle room for your ex (not saying he will try to get out of paying later on but something like a new partner may mean he wants to reduce payments)

I've received £45 per week from my ex for dd1 for nearly 5 years and I know he earns around 28000pa. Its frustrating because he expects me to pay for everything, uniform, coats, shoes, clothes as well as pay for the school trips, food, bills etc. I'm not asking for him to pay out a big chunk of his wage per week but I would like some leeway.

Please don't let yourself get into a situation like me.

WooWooOwl · 04/11/2013 08:23

YANBU.

But I do think it has to be taken into account that a NRP has to provide a home environment for their child to spend time with them too.

I find it better to have an arrangement with my ex where he gives me a small amount if maintenance, but then he pays half towards all of the dcs direct costs, like school trips, uniform, shoes, clothes, extra curricular activities, even haircuts!

That way, the rise in the cost of living is paid for equally by both of us, as we both have to provide a home for dc and we both equally provide the things they need.

I don't think it is fair for him to automatically have to pay more maintenance if his wages have increased, as he may well want to choose how to use that extra money to benefit his child. I don't see why it should go into the ex's pot of money to take the pressure off them. As long as the child benefits then that's the main thing. It doesn't matter which parent it goes through.

MrsLouisTheroux · 04/11/2013 08:31

I would love to know what job gives pay rises in line with inflation at the moment. Unless he is earning mega bucks YABU.

mitchsta · 04/11/2013 09:38

If he's paying you less than the CSA guidelines - 15% of his NET income - then I'd say it's worth discussing an increase. But if he's already paying more than that, you might want to have a think about what you do next.

I don't think the cost of living should be the benchmark here - lots of people have to make cutbacks when the cost of living rises faster than their income - you should be looking at CSA recommendations/his salary and working things out that way. I would want to see payslips to verify his NET income (he might be paying into a pension, for example, which makes is harder to second-guess what his NET income actually is) and then coming to an agreement based on that.

DrCoconut · 04/11/2013 09:57

If asking for more would sour an arrangement that works its probably not worth it, especially if the CSA would give less. 15% of salary is standard isn't it? It probably depends on if you actually need the money too. I get and have always got nothing but I'd rather that than the hassle of fighting my ex over it when we are fine without. If your DD's situation is being compromised due to low funds that makes things a little different.

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