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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU and WIBU if

36 replies

blushingm · 03/11/2013 18:10

DS skates with a skating club - one of only 3 boys and the only one from the local area.

Yesterday 2 boys from ds school asked if they could watch which they were told to go upstairs. Turns out they've been teasing DS about skating at school as it's gay and that they actually wanted to film ds on their phones prob to take the piss on Facebook etc and at school.
Well I stormed upstairs , told them to delete any videos and to leave - a couple of ladies from the club followed me and these boys were generally rude and obnoxious to all of us. Turns out they've been causing trouble all day in the leisure centre (I'm a regular there and know some of the staff. The manager has had to ban them before for being pains in the arse)

Anyway - they were waiting to be collected by one of their mums. I went over and told her exactly what her ds had been doing. The manager then called her in too.

Ds was v upset these boys turned up and were teasing him and laughing at him and he's afraid they've still got stuff on their phones and that they are going to make everyone at school tease him too. His skate club friend really rallied round him yesterday as did his coaches and he has some good friends in school. But he's only yr - one of the boys was in his yr and the other was in yr 9

Was I unreasonable to shout at them and speak to his mum and would it be unreasonable to email his pupil liaison person tomorrow incase this does spill over in to school

I'd hate for ds to quit skating as it's something he loves and is really good at but boys at school can be so horrid Hmm

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 03/11/2013 18:12

YANBU, you actually sound quite restrained.

Shutupanddrive · 03/11/2013 18:12

No I don't think you were being unreasonable for sticking up for your DS, what did the mums say?

Urv · 03/11/2013 18:14

That's so sad. Yanbu to do any of that, fuck over reacting, those boys deserve whatever it takes to stop them. It's bullying and it needs to stop.

Floralnomad · 03/11/2013 18:16

If your son is being bullied at school then you take that up with the school .If where this incident took place is a public place then unless they have rules on filming YABU tags they have every right to be in a public place . The school ,I should imagine will have little interest in what goes on out of school time and off school premises as it is nothing to do with them . YABU to shout at other people's children when you have no real proof of what they were doing .

TidyDancer · 03/11/2013 18:18

Floral, I'm not sure you've properly read the thread....

The OP had every right to react the way she did.

I would contact the school and give them a heads up.

Floralnomad · 03/11/2013 18:23

All I'm saying is that its a public place and its up to the staff to dish out discipline and kick people out not other members of the public . The OP is quite within her rights and is right to go to the school if there is trouble there but I doubt the school will be interested in what goes on at a weekend . If the videos are being shown in school then I'm sure the school will deal with it .

KippyVonKipperson · 03/11/2013 18:26

I feel really sad your boy had to experience that, and good for his skating friends and coaches for rallying round. I would absolutely let school know, that way anything else can be quickly nipped in the bud and the teachers can be aware and look out for anything. It doesn't matter that the incident happened outside school, your DS will be affected in school too.

Perhaps you could suggest something is mentioned about this kind of bullying in tutor time or in assembly? There must have been Olympians who experienced this kind of thing, perhaps they can tell one of those stories. It could give the bullies a different perspective.

elfycat · 03/11/2013 18:27

I'd go to the school as it is school bulling spilling over into his private time, not a private out-side of school issues. Make the school know you are considering it their problem.

YWBU and good for you.

KippyVonKipperson · 03/11/2013 18:31

Floral, I think you are wrong about the school not being interested in things that happen outside school. Completely wrong, of course they will want to be aware. Then they can chose an appropriate way of dealing with it as they see fit, even just to keep an eye on the situation.

OP what did them mum say. I guess perhaps that bit should have been left to the managers at the leisure centre but it depends if you went in all guns blazing or just did it in a calm and measured way.

Floralnomad · 03/11/2013 18:47

I'm happy to be wrong ,if I am ,but if have had similar issues and have had little support from the schools involved.

TidyDancer · 03/11/2013 18:52

It is up to the OP to defend her child. She does not have to wait for staff to do that.

OP, please don't feel like you have done anything wrong, you haven't. I hope your DS is okay.

gemmal88 · 03/11/2013 19:13

YANBU, what did the mum have to say about it?

KippyVonKipperson · 03/11/2013 20:05

That's sad Flora, it's a shame they weren't more supportive because I'm sure if a child is unhappy outside of school then it's going to impact them in school too. Sorry if I sounded harsh earlier, I didn't mean to be.

Original poster
blushingm · 03/11/2013 20:29

Floral - it's sort of public as in the building is open for swimmers but the hall etc isn't open to the public - it's rented out to the skating club so we can decide who comes in the hall etc.
It was this area I told them they had to leave.

I was actually quite calm speaking to the mum - I just explained what her son had been doing it and the I as a mum and us as a skating club found it unacceptable.

The manager had been watching out of the window waiting for the mum as he wanted to speak to her..........

I just felt so bad for ds - he was afraid to leave in case they were waiting for him. He was crying on the way home worrying about school tomorrow.
Luckily he plays xbox mine craft and talks to some of his school friends and they've said they'll stick up for him etc

OP posts:
ValentineWiggins · 03/11/2013 20:54

I don't know what sort of skating this is (guessing it's roller skating)...but there's a good post about similar problems in ice skating here xan-boni.blogspot.com/ - might have some suggestions that can help?

Floralnomad · 03/11/2013 21:02

In that case then you are more than entitled to throw them out ,what was the other mums reaction when you told her ?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/11/2013 21:27

Xan at the above mentioned blog is fab and one thing she says is to get his mates involved not just watching but skating so they can see how hard it is and appreciate how good your DS is more.

Have they discovered girls yet? Being a boy in a female dominated sport can be an advantage! Get some of his skating mates to give him some public love on Facebook (age appropriate! I'm thinking hugs and group photos more than anything else)

Are there any other older boys or male coaches who can let your DS know they've been through similar things (cause sadly they probably have at some point) and to not let it get to him

Original poster
blushingm · 03/11/2013 21:58

Yes it's roller skating. Unfortunately he's the oldest boy and the coaches are all women.

They'd be more than welcome at our other session but the Saturday session is for competition skaters.

I'll have a read of that blog - thanks!

They're starting to notice girls - I said to tell them he'd rather be skating with a load of fit girls than hanging round with idiots with nothing to do!

And he was getting some hugs of some very pretty girls and surrounded by his skating mates as we all left yesterday - those nasty boys would have seen it! Smile

OP posts:
LimitedEditionLady · 04/11/2013 16:31

Id do exactly the same OP. YANBU.Id rather my son be like yours,to have an interest in something and something that is good for him than be one of those stupid boys that are so uninterestibg and boring that all they can think to do is be a horrid little swine.You deserve to be proud of him and although this is a crappy thing to happen to him he will be fine.

drinkyourmilk · 04/11/2013 17:33

Those silly boys want to get down to the local skate park. I pass two on the way home from work and there are some amazing skaters there. I've seen some terrifying tricks (and some swoon worthy abs).

drinkyourmilk · 04/11/2013 17:33

Skating is cool!

RollerDerbyTillIDie · 04/11/2013 17:52

NC's as about to out myself Grin

First, your DS is cool, the other boys are bullies and won't amount to much. Remind him of that.

So, I play roller derby. High level, I play for the top team in the world east division and I used to play for a very high ranked team in the states.

I play a fast, aggressive, full contact sport. Though it is predominantly a woman's sport, men's derby is fast growing. There are junior leagues all over the country, if you thought he'd be interested I could help put you in touch or recommend a local league?

I play with a lot of men - mainly in support roles (referees etc), and the level of skating is incredible. I work with a lot of ex-speed skaters, who are almost all male, and the fitness and hardcore aspect is amazing.

Roller skating, like skateboarding, BMX, snowboarding etc is an extreme sport. It's very cool. I'm guessing the bullies know this, they are jealous and wish they were as cool as your kid. This is easy for us to say and believe, because it's true, but not so easy for him so remind him.

The skill your DS has is probably already great, judging by your post, but if he keeps practising he can play high level, and believe me, he'll not give two shits about he bullies then. Not when you are being paid to skate, when you are being taken to parties and treated like a hero. When people ask you to sign their helmet because they admire your skill. When kids make banners when they come to watch you.

It's all worth it - all the teasing and sly digs will fade, but the feeling, the pure adrenaline rush, the admiration, the enjoyment and the euphoria, that will only get more and more.

Make sure he doesn't give up. Your kid sounds awesome.

(Oh, and YWNBU)

Original poster
blushingm · 06/11/2013 09:45

Thank you all!!!

I'm going to get ds toread all your comments.

He is cool!

OP posts:
mitchsta · 06/11/2013 11:54

He's definitely the cool one here. Bullies are insecure anyway, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that they're jealous of the kid who gets to hang out with the girls - and get hugs!!! I mean, he's a prime target for jealousy - just a shame they had to resort to bullying. They're idiots with nothing better to do.