More WWYD regarding neighbours

[Cloola]

Posted in chat also

Sorry this might get long!

We moved into a private rent semi in June this year everything seemed to be fine hadnt heard much from the neighbours spoke and introduced myself to the husband saw him most days to wave at and say hi!

Love living here my oldest son has lots of extra needs including being on the autistic spectrum and makes a little more noise than other children he's 8 but plays and socially is around the age of 2, he doesn't respond to low noises so I tend to have to speak loudly and clearly to him!

We are generally very quiet other ways and respectful of noise as the husband next door works shifts so I tend to keep the house quiet until around 11am when the boys can go and play upstairs!

So this morning was around 8:30 I needed to change his bed due to an accident and I was explaining to him what I was doing, when the woman next door starting banging and screaming and shouting at the wall!

I didn't do or say anything at the time but a couple of hours later I knocked next door to ask what the problem was and explain what I was doing! She started going on that for the 4 month I've lived here there has been nothing but noise...

Apparently I shout the boys names too loudly and aggressively.
I shout at the dog.
And the boys play too loudly

I explained the circumstances and apologised if I did shout aggressively I wasn't aware I was doing so but could she not bang on the wall and scream aggressively and if she did have a problem she could come an knock and say.

I thought the kind of noise she's complaining about is what you would get living next door to a family before I moved in an old lady had lived here for 20 years so I understand she's never had to deal with noise before!

So MN what's the verdict should she get on with it and live with the noise or do I need to find a detached house with no neighbours like she suggested!!!!

I can see that shouting names a lot would be quite annoying for neighbours.... My parents had next door neighbours that just called their cat's name out of the back door over and over and over - a small thing BUT very irritating after a while.
However - maybe she needs to move to a detached house if she is going to be so super intolerant of noise.

She needs to suck it up. It might be annoying for her, but The noise you describe is not unreasonable at all. It is family noise not loud music etc and I would not say 8:30 was overly early either.

As you say you are trying to keep your and your children's noise as respectable as you can I would just ignore any further moaning from her and make it quite clear that you do not appreciate banging on walls as a means to get your attention.

I think you handled yourself in a very polite and mature way by going round and speaking to her adult to adult. Unfortunately for her the noise you describe is just part and parcel of living next door to people.

Ok, I lived next door to a family who had an autistic child, and sounds very much like what you are describing.

I think she is very unreasonable, and inconsiderate also.
The child next door to me, played out til 11pm at times as they couldn't settle him.

not once did i complain. i understood how hard they had it anyway. not once did it annoy me actually, considering i understood he didn't know how loud he was.

you shouldn't feel the need to move because of an inconsiderate twat imo

She's obviously been keeping her fury at you pent up for the four months and something just snapped this morning for her. Loud neighbours (even unintentional) are annoying, especially if previous neighbours have been quiet. But shift working or not, 8.30am isn't that early and you are obviously considerate ref. playing upstairs only after 11am-ish. There's nothing you can do if you have to speak loudly to your son because of his needs, but I can also see where she's coming from (though she'll have to get used to it!).

Is your son's bedroom next to hers?

It sounds like she had got used to living next to a quiet old lady and is annoyed that she now has a family next door. Understandably she is annoyed as no one wants to hear noise, but that is just life if you live in an attached house. So you are not being unreasonable and she just has to put up with it. I have a noisy toddler and a newborn and sometimes get annoyed if I can faintly hear the old lady next doors radios during the day but then remind myself to get a grip as I am sure we create far more noise than her!

My neighbour screams unnecessarily loudly at her two DS every morning before I am up, often waking me. She is extremely aggressive and as a result they are too. However, we have never complained and never would, mainly because although it is earlier than I would like, it isn't unreasonably early iyswim.

Autism /SN doesn't come into it IMO, living in close proximity means you are going to have to put up with some noise that you don't want.

I would try not to worry too much but I would try and be careful about the preventable noise.

You could also consider some sound proofing if you want to maintain a good relationship with your nieghbours. Obviously, you shouldn't have to do this if you are only making normal household noise but it may be something to consider.

Have you got carpets?

Thanks very much for all your replies!

I will definitely be more aware now I know its annoying her. I wish she would have said sooner as I would prefer not to annoy my neighbours!

We do have carpets and I try to limit the noise upstairs due to bedrooms being next to their wall but unfortunately I am only human an I do shout.

Going to speak to my landlord tomorrow and let her know what's gone on!

Thanks again

It might be worth doing some DIY "soundproofing" in your son's room - eg full height bookshelves against party wall with his books, toys etc; an extra rug on carpet; more framed pictures up... We've done this in our DD's bedroom which adjoins neighbour's DC's bedroom not because she's particularly noisy but just to act as sound buffer between two children's rooms (I grew up with noisy neighbours and remember as a child not being able to sleep with the noise of next door so I'm a bit hyper sensitive). It really seems to work to muffle the sounds.

Yanbu,you cant live your life creeping around worrying your talking voice is too loud.Before we had ds and still now the lady next door has her grandkids staying over at weekend which was my only time to lie in,brother and sister,nice kids but they squabble and i can hear it through the walls.yet....i dont mind,theyre kids when grandma tells them off i dond care,its life,theyre just living theirs right next door!