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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on this night out?

13 replies

EvaBeaversProtege · 02/11/2013 22:30

And to not let myself be pressurised into going?

My bro in law has bought tickets to a show - he likes to do these 'showy' things - for the girls in my family. He has bought them as a surprise for my sister (his wife).

I didn't know until tonight when my other sister text to say these tix had been bought, dsis (his wife) doesn't know & its to be a surprise for her. (he has history of doing these big grand gestures that she hates, & this will be one of them)

I have 2 issues - 1) dh is working night shifts & I have no-one to babysit.2) this bro-in-law & I have history, he is a controlling bully who I have as little as possible to do with & just be there for my sister when she needs me. I have issues with him just deciding to buy tix & we all have to be grateful.

We had an event in July when I was recovering from a visit to A&E and was pumped full of morphine - apparently when they went home he had a go @ dsis as I allegedly blanked him.... No idea what hes talking about as I remember very little!!!

AIBU not to bend over backwards (and pay a sitter) just to be grateful to a control freak. The last surprise we went along with, dsis hated.

I genuinely don't know & can't add anymore. Am happy to give more info as long as I'm not accused of drip feeding. Smile

OP posts:
FunkyFucker · 02/11/2013 22:32

No, don't go.

justmuddlingalong · 02/11/2013 22:34

Stand your ground this time, and then hopefully you won't have him doing any more big unwanted gestures.

manicinsomniac · 02/11/2013 22:38

Well, if my worst enemy bought me free tickets to a show I'd go! Sounds fantastic.

For me it would depend on whether I had a free babysitter or not. If not then I wouldn't go if the sitter would cost more than the show ticket.

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 02/11/2013 22:46

The show is a TV adaption. My sis never watches TV (6 dc to sort out) & I have a feeling he got these tix free from a shop he works with.

I have had a text from another family member saying yo try my best & that her dd would babysit. But another relative who knows how I feel just said don't go (even though she is going).

I have gotten legal advice for my sister before when she was going to leave him, I know so much about how he treats her & I just feel I cant be thankful for tickets from someone who is such a bastard.

My sister & I were so close, we would speak every day, text good night, but since the July incident & me trying to help her leave (she didn't in the end) we haven't been as close.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 02/11/2013 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZekeSnapSnap · 02/11/2013 23:25

YANBU OP, just say to him 'thanks for the offer, but I'm busy'. It doesn't matter that busy is being busy with your DC and staying at home- he sounds controlling and people should stop pandering too him if they don't want to do something.

Merel · 03/11/2013 01:23

Is he going to the show or will it just be your sister and other female relatives?

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 03/11/2013 10:55

He's not going. It's not the fact I might have to see him, I just don't want him dictating how I spend my evening.

When dsis was sick a few months ago (and her baby was 3 weeks old) he called 2 of my sisters (if you haven't figured it out yet, I have lots of sisters) & asked them to mind the kids, one of the sisters ge called was recovering from surgery but still went to their house.
When she arrived bil said to her "I hope you didn't ring Eva, I don't want her here" My sister told me as she couldn't understand what it was about!!!

Then my other sister told me I'd apparently blanked him at a party (the one in July) and when they went home it caused a row between him & dsis, as he believed she had been telling me stuff about him.

She had been, but I didn't deliberately blank him as I know it would make life hard for dsis.

Its difficult to explain without me sounding like I'm a child!!

OP posts:
cjel · 03/11/2013 15:39

You don't sound childish . I'd just say thanks but I can't make it.

Mia4 · 03/11/2013 20:07

He sounds really controlling OP and an idiot, I'd go with the 'I'm busy but thanks' thing.

JohnSnowsTie · 03/11/2013 20:14

Does he know your DSIS doesn't like the grand gestures?

NancyShrew · 03/11/2013 20:21

YANBU for not wanting to go of course. I do think your sister needs to tell him though if she genuinely doesn't like this kind of stuff.

Oh but you are giving him a very hard time when he appears to be trying to do something nice for you all. I assume you don't have to pay him for the tickets? Whether he's an arsehole or not, cut him some slack in this instance.

JackNoneReacher · 03/11/2013 20:41

If you don't want to go, then don't.

That's it.

Always the risk you take buying someone a gift - that they don't want it.

Time is precious, if you're not interested thank him for the thought but let him know its not convenient.

he sounds like a cock

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