Do you think they should have discussed this with us?

[dramajustfollowsme]

Dd has been potty training and doing really well. She hasn't had an accident since day 3, we are now a month on and she is dry day and night. Nursery are happy with her and not putting on a nappy for nap time now either.
My mil had her this afternoon and dd has come home very teary as they had made her wear pull-ups the whole time as they didn't want her messing the carpets.
Mil is insisting that this was necessary as they have lovely carpets.
We brought a kiddie toilet seat to their house but they said it didn't fit so she just had to wear pull ups. When we are out and about I just hold her over a toilet and can't see why they couldn't just do that.
I've said that until they are happy for her to just wear pants at their house then maybe they should just visit us here.
Dd is now saying she is a baby not a big girl. I'm worried that she might go back to not being dry after doing so well. I know she is still likely to have the odd accident but to put her in pull-ups without mentioning to either dh or I seems wrong.
We speak every day so they know she has been asking for the toilet both at home and nursery. I know in the long run it probably won't matter but dd has been doing so well and we stayed in and
"did" potty training. I just don't want her getting confused and reliant on pull ups again.

It wasn't nice of them to do that to her and make her feel like a baby, but in the long run, it wont do her any harm. I'm right behind you saying they have to see her at yours until they are happy to leave her in pants though.

She will be fine, but I think you are right to say that they should visit you at your house until they are comfortable with her wearing pants. I think they were out of order.

I am a GM and I am wondering what is wrong with your ILs? Why can't they just back you up and follow through what you and DD have achieved?

TBH I don't understand their attitude at all. Sorry if this sounds a bit blunt, it's not meant to be, I just wondered why?

p.s. IMO you are NBU

OP, my PILs did exactly the same with our DC1, also went ballistic at an accident....and hey presto, potty training was delayed by five months. I remain angry about it 3 years later.

YANBU, stay away from their house until you have potty training cracked.

Thanks, I thought it was a bit odd too. We have been really praising her for using the toilet and remembering to ask. I just couldn't make up my mind if I was being a bit precious as she was upset.
They were like this when we started on solids too.

My DP bought DD a potty and toilet seat for their house. We don't go very often, but they are very supportive of DD and her cousins. At best they didn't realise that this might upset your DD or confuse her potty training.

You have done really well. You are dnbu.

What the hell are their carpets made of, that they couldnt clean up an accident anyway?! what are they going to do if someone spills a glass of red wine or a coffee?! I would be tempted to try this out at christmas.

Did they have pull ups already or did you give then to them?

I wouldn't send her there til she was happy she would manage and they were happy not to force her into pull ups. Surely they said to her " you must say if you need a wee or anything?"

Or kept a potty in the kitchen which one would presume isn't carpeted? And played with her in there?

Just tell them that she is in pants now, and when they are happy to have her and her pants there you will delighted to visit.
Don't go until then.

They're elderly and anxious. Of course they're being twattish but be kind.

Sounds like my mum. She's been very supportive of potty training but does panic if left alone with dd. so I don't. She's never articulated herself like that (mum I mean). I just see her behaviour. I've acted accordingly to ensure she's not in a situation she panics in.

It's a bit weird and at times bloody inconvenient but she's knocking 70 and is not a fit young one. I figure why out her in a position where everyone ends up uncomfortable?

Just figure a way round it. Either stay n play or them to u. It's not worth the angst. Truly.

They are not what I would call elderly at 56. They are obsessive about cleaning though. It just hadnt crossed my mind as dd has been dry for weeks and I thought they would like her being in pants better than changing nappies. They must have gone and bought pull ups as I didn't give them any. I did give them a bag of spare clothes just in case, though.
Dd is fine today and doesn't seem confused about wearing pants again. No accidents overnight so I am relieved.
Maybe if they come here and see how well she is doing they will relax a bit.

As other posters have said, keep her away from their house until they have accepted that they cannot put her in pull ups.

I am concerned that they seem very over involved in your life and pulled a similar stunt when you were weaning DD? You speak to them every single day? Er, why? Is it because you want to speak to them every day or because they insist on knowing everything about your life/DD?

Might be time to pull back a bit?

I wouldn't be happy. It's a long time ago now but I can't remember either of my DSs weeing on the carpet during toilet training anyway.