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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

merry effing Christmas

19 replies

killpeppa · 01/11/2013 22:40

I agreed with exH that he could have the DCs for Christmas this year, our first separated.

he will have them Christmas Day & Boxing Day.

now he is telling me he should have them next Christmas Day also as it's 'his only day off' it's not.
he works in retail so it's his only official day.

he has now stormed out of this discussion as I'm being
'a nasty manipulative bitch'

I think it's fair. he has one year I have the next, I even suggested we swap this year so I have them this Christmas and he has them next-but no.

AIBU? I really don't think so.

thoughts?

OP posts:

nirish14 · 01/11/2013 22:43

YANBU its only fair to take it turn.

While I hate having to do it,I have for the last 4 years had DD alternate Xmas Eve/Xmas Day or Xmas Day/Boxing Day.

Stick to your guns about next year

WorraLiberty · 01/11/2013 22:44

YANBU

You can't go every Christmas day without the kids just because of his official day off.

Out of interest, are the kids old enough to have a say?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2013 22:45

My thoughts are that with this prick you are going to have to play hardball. You were nice - he took the piss. Next discussion start with your position being that you get everything, then he can negotiate his way to the middle.

Did he get all hsi own way in your marriage? Did you leave him? Bitter, is he?

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2013 22:45

No it's fair to take turns or split as nirish says.

YANBU.

theoldtrout01876 · 01/11/2013 22:47

I ALWAYS had Dcs for Christmas morning and Ex dickhead h would come and get them at noon. Mind you he had them the minimum he could get away with without looking like a TOTAL arse to his family. The kids hated going there anyways cos dads an arse boring :o

Writerwannabe83 · 01/11/2013 22:48

Why can't it be split?

When I was growing up I spent Christmas Eve with my dad and then spent up until 2pm-ish of Christmas Day with him, then he'd take me to my mom where I'd spend the remainder of Christmas Day and then be with her on Boxing Day too.

We did this every year for about 10 years

My sister has recently left her partner (father to their 2 children) and they are already getting stressed and having arguments about how to split the childcare over the Christmas period.

RoseRedder · 01/11/2013 22:48

Is there a reason why you agreed to let him have the children for Christmas?

Do you know both live a far distance from each other?

If no could they be with you christmas eve and go to there dads about 3pm?

Original poster

killpeppa · 01/11/2013 22:57

I left, the kids are both under two.

no he doesn't live far but I would like them to spend a whole day with him and his family. only fair.

I've suggested 100 ways but he's demanding both

OP posts:

Original poster

killpeppa · 01/11/2013 22:58

and yes he ALWAYS got his own way...
that's part of why I left.

OP posts:

Ivyfairy · 01/11/2013 23:03

He can't demand both. He must know that is very unreasonable. You are being more than kind, and beyond fair, in letting him have the first and whole of this Christmas Day.

RoseRedder · 01/11/2013 23:07

NextChristmas is a whole year away, please do not worry about what will or will not happen next Christmas quite yet xx

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 01/11/2013 23:23

YADNBU, and agree with poster that recommends not to worry about what will happen next Christmas yet. (Tune him out, and next Christmas is yours if he has this Christmas).

WinterWinds · 02/11/2013 09:56

I would not even think about next Christmas at this stage TBH. Get this year over and done with and if he brings it up again tell him that you will discuss it nearer the time. No point stressing yourself out over it now when it a whole year away, lots could change between now and then!

Btw YANBU!!!

FunkyFucker · 02/11/2013 09:58

'I'll be bringing them over at 2. That way THEY can see both THEIR parents'.

This worked for us with DSD throughout.

kinkyfuckery · 02/11/2013 10:03

I'm so grateful that my ex doesn't give two shits about the kids. In 5 years, he's never once asked to have the kids for Xmas. He insists on coming to mine for 1/2 an hour in the morning, don't know why, but I'll be putting a stop to that this year as it stresses me out. He then picks them up (as late as he can get away with) on Boxing Day, because I tell him he has to!

DeckSwabber · 02/11/2013 10:05

Its very odd that he's getting in a tizz about next year when he hasn't got through this year yet, especially as he is getting what he wants.

Just see how it goes. As others have said, things could look very different in a year.

You have been very generous agreeing to this year. (Perhaps he hates not being able to moan about you?).

dovaffanculo · 02/11/2013 10:20

Seems to me that he is pushing your buttons re next year. He was probably expecting a fight over this year and has included next year in order to pressure you .

I think you need a formal agreement drawn up .While you are okay with tiny children going to him for the whole of Christmas , what will it be like when they are in the magical years and you cant create your own traditions because they wont be with you at all?

thegreylady · 02/11/2013 10:29

I would insist that you have it in writing that you have alternate years and he can choose this year or next but definitely not both. Tell him the options are one or neither.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 02/11/2013 18:04

My ex husband and I take it in turns and it's tough but we manage. My husband also takes it in turns with his ex and they manage. We alternate it though so this year it's my husbands turn and next year it's my turn or we would have a house full and it would drive us nuts

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