Religious books and the ILs.

[ParrotsHilton]

My PILs have a selection of kids books for my son to 'read'. DS is 18 months and loves looking at pictures. They have a book entitled 'god the creator', I haven't properly looked at it. PIL are quite religious and they feel religion is very important to them but DH and I want DS to make up his mind about religion when he is old enough.
AIBU to mention to PIL that we want DS to make up his own mind? How should I go about it?

We took our DD to church and Sunday school and were fairly religious. Then we had a massive tragedy in the family and we very much questioned our faith. My DD (age 21) now studies theology from a non religious point of view.

I suppose what i want to say is that no matter what your child hears now, they will make their own mind up and may look at things from a very different viewpoint from you.

Let them soak it up and make their own minds up.

Letting a young child read religious books and telling them to 'make your own mind up', is like letting them read books telling them that the moon is made out of cheese and allowing them to continue believing it if they decide to believe what the book says.

Children should be under no illusions that there is zero evidence backing up any religion, and the only thing we can say for certain is that between 99-100% of religions are definitely wrong and their followers have wasted their time following those religions.

Yeah, whatever.

FWIW, I think it's perfectly possible to enjoy religious stories as a child but not be indoctrinated by it.

My DPs didn't have me Christened, in the face of opposition from grandparents. My Gran bought me a child's bible and it was one of my favourite books growing up. I've agreed to my PILs buying one for our DCs.

I remain healthily sceptical/questioning in adulthood. My DPs helped me to learn about all religions but it wasn't something that was present in my life. I attended a CofE school.

Likewise our DCs we allow them to attend church every now and again, to learn about various religions and cultures. We talk, we debate, we discuss.

Also FWIW I had amazing teachers. Although a CofE school, assemblies were regularly lead by ministers from other churches and we visited those churches. Another teacher taught us to question bible stories and see them in different lights. I owe those teachers a lot.

umm i don't think having a book at his GP's that's religious is going to sway him to be honest. and if you really want him to 'make up his own mind' you going to have to let him have some experience of different views or what your're actually saying is 'this is what we think. no dear, you don't need to see that book its from the OTHER side. now make up your own mind, there's a good boy'.
you're being daft.

'How can he make up his own mind without being exposed to religion?'

How about letting him make up his own mind when he knows his own mind? 18 months is too young to be feeding a mind with religious doctrin as default.

I think this depends on how much time your DS spends at his GPs. If he is there on family visits, even for example every weekend, with you largely there then for now, certainly leave it until it "an actual issue comes up".

Deal with religion/evolution/belief systems a home as part of his day to day upbringing. Just as you would eventually watch/teach him to question whether Aliens do Love Underpants, whether rabbits have names like Peter and wear little blue coats, you can also deal with the "stories" and beliefs others, including your PIL have.

If however your PIL are actively involved in bringing up your DS (ie regular solo-childcare)- then yes. You need to have the discussion.

My PIL are deeply, devoutly religious. If they do have the DCs when they are off to church they take the DCs. It is an expeience for them. We just let DCs know that PIL believe x. We then also let them know about evolution, atheism, explain some of Dawkin's arguments. We have not felt any need to dictate to PIL what they believe or share with our DCs.

*experience

I was brought up in a religious church-attending family and they all have faith; I don't, but am grateful to have been exposed to all the rich cultural, musical, artistic history of bible stories, hymns, prayers etc. It made reading English lit much easier, it broadened and deepened me and I ended up reading Theology as well at degree level. I enjoyed the arguments as well and am now agnostic. I would not have wanted to have all that closed off to me.

My dad's parents were not v religious and he studied for the priesthood! Forbidden fruit was enticing!

People are discussing this from their experience of christianity, in many cases, church of england. But it's clear from the OP that the faith in question is either Judaism or Islam- I'm guessing Islam. I think it is quite likely that the PIL will have a very sincere and living faith and they will find it very difficult to see their GP grow up with different beliefs.

id be pissed off if anyone was shoving god books down my kids throat,and id tell them.

It was the other way round for me as a child: I grew up with an atheist father and grandparents (who I lived with for a time when I was 4) who did not believe.

It didn't change my religious views or make me non-Christian.

I think you're way over-thinking this.

Beastofburden, I don't see that it matters which religion it is: all religions have their rejectors; faint-hearts; devout; and fanatical zealots.

Very true, tanith, but there is a specifically Church of England thing of people being sort of vaguely religious, which i think is less common in islam from the people i know. I get the impression that the PIL are likely to be very sincere and to have strong views about this. So just reminding people that their experience of Christian granddads may not be all that much use here.

plus all the comments here about reading the bible helping with English literature and carol services, which are kind of not relevant to the OP.

ringaringarosy I don't think OP's PIL are shoving god books down her kids throat! She says that it is one of a selection of books they have in their house for her child to look at. Calm down!!

My parents and my mil are religious, dp and I are not.

My mil has bought the madthings bible story books et, we have just made sure we have lots of books on alternative faiths and beliefs, they also learn about them at school.

The children knwo that some people choose to believe in them and ds2 actually went through a stage of believing, as much as a 6-7yr old could.

The have been to church with my parents and my mind and we have also taken them to other place of worship and cultural significance.

I think its important children learn abouregion purely from a historical POV.

I have been quite pleased with the religious education (its not called that now) my boys are getting at high school, stuff on ethics and philosophy and lots of questioning and debate etc, it all seems quite good.

I think as long as your son has you to help balance things out it will be OK.

How can your DS make up his own mind when you are trying to keep Christian books from him?
That don't sound like you want him to make up his own mind that sounds like you want to keep it away from him so he will agree with your own personal ideas.

BeastofBurden - yes there can be some "woolly liberal C of E" experiences (even my vicar in our old village called his faith that . But Christianity does not always fit into such laissez faire attitudes. The PIL I was discussing for example are devout, devour Catholics. Everything they do and think is influenced by their faith. Including how they deal with the GCs.

But they do not bring them up. We do.

Carol services and English literature are my culture, my family's culture - if the OP's wider family are a different religion and culture then the GC being exposed to it is similar do I really have to point this out?

My family are not 'vaguely religious' either.
They are devout Christians: I'm not. Still I'm happy I was exposed to it and got chance to make up my mind.

My parents are non believers. My grandparents were Christian. I enjoyed reading a chikdrens bible with my grandma (one of my only good times with her as she wasn't an easy woman). My mum took me to carol concerts in church as I loved singing, despite her not believing. I chose my own beliefs and I'm an aetheiest.

If I had a child I would have simple religious stories in the house as they will hear them in school anyway. Plus some of the children's 'bibles' are beautifully illustrated and the stories are interesting. They could read them if they wanted to and make their own choices.

How can your DS make up his own mind when you are trying to keep Christian books from him?

The best way for a child to make up their mind is to present them with all the facts and invite them to draw a logical conclusion. Christian books (and religious sources/people in general) simply present statements as facts without any evidence, so are more likely to confuse or mislead the child rather than help them draw a logical conclusion.

Any story book says "this happened." And if he's in a non religious environment in general it will be a story book to him the same as Greek mythology for example.

at this age its just a story. I used to love bible stories for children and I am the least religious person I know.