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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP for getting me a bag of chocolates?

26 replies

FrontLoader · 01/11/2013 19:29

DP just got back from a week abroad with work and brought me back one of those grab bags of chocolates from the airport (like you get at the cinema only a foreign variety and a bit posher).

AIBU to think he could have got me a more thoughtful or more gift- like gift?

While he has been away I have looked after our DCs aged 4 and 1 (the latter teething and not sleeping) worked 30 hours, got a redundancy notice, reapplied for my job and looked after an ill relative.

Previous gifts from DP's work trips include a tea tray and a novelty mugHmm

We have had words and he has apologised, but I still feel pissed off and undervalued.

OP posts:
NeedlesCuties · 01/11/2013 19:32

YABatinybitU.

I'd take myself off over the weekend, a few hours here and there doing whatever you fancy, and let him look after the kids.

The gift he got you wasn't wonderful, but let his next move show his care and compassion.

sebsmummy1 · 01/11/2013 19:35

To be honest my OH travels quite a bit with work and I don't expect him to buy me anything! So yep, think you should be happy he is thinking of you.

wheretoyougonow · 01/11/2013 19:40

YABU. My husband goes abroad and I don't expect anything. He is working when the shops are open. I am
just grateful I have everyone back under one roof ( and help with the children!)

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 19:41

I don't really think him working a way constitutes to you having to be bought a present.

You had words Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2013 19:59

Depends on the country. Bags of chocolates from Italy can be quite posh.

cjel · 01/11/2013 20:01

My DH was an abusive violent idiot but he always made a big show of lovely presents when he went abroad - I know which I'd preferSmile

Original poster
FrontLoader · 01/11/2013 20:03

Fair enough then, IABU by all accounts so I will try to get over myself and focus on enjoying having DP back home with us.

And hopefully get a bit of rest over the weekend to take the edge off my tendency to be grumpy and blow things out of proportion after a long week....

OP posts:
Sleepyhoglet · 01/11/2013 20:05

He doesn't have an obligation to buy you a gift. Jeeeesh.

Calloh · 01/11/2013 20:06

My DH asked to stop at the Shell station in Farnborough on the way back from the airport. There I watched him carefully discard a novelty shaped car-freshener and a box of Cornish fudge before selecting a tube of Munchies as my special present from Oktoberfest.

YANBU. I really, really wanted some hideously expensive scent or at least a funny/cheesy mug. Oh my god the pain.

puntasticusername · 01/11/2013 20:07

I am inclined to say YABU. But if I'm honest, this is because I've just got back from a work trip myself; I remembered, just as I was getting off the train home, that I had made no effort whatsoever to secure gifts for my loved ones. I feel bad, but I just hadn't thought. Sometimes work trips are so busy that you genuinely have little chance to think about shopping, and little opportunity to do it anyway, if you're on a tight schedule.

Personally, I think your DP could make appropriate amends by doing something nice for you now he's home, to show he appreciates you holding the fort while he's been away. An extra lie in at the weekend, springing for a good meal out, sexual favours, whatever works. It is on just this basis that Mr Punt will become the happy recipient of a BJ later tonight.

puntasticusername · 01/11/2013 20:10

Gah, just read your original post a little more closely, it does sound as if you've had a particularly rough week! Sorry to hear that. Definitely a good case for you to get a bit of special consideration over the weekend!

Summerblaze · 01/11/2013 20:14

DH goes away to work a lot but while he is there he is usually working.

He certainly doesn't have time to go for a leisurely walk to the shops and spend ages choosing a thoughtful gift.

Plus he would spend lots of money on stuff I really didn't need.

frogspoon · 01/11/2013 20:16

YABU.

It's not his fault he had to work away from home, he thought of you and he bought you a gift.

I'm sorry you've had a shit week, but that's not his fault so no reason to take it out on him.

Rosencrantz · 01/11/2013 20:16

YABU. He wasn't away on a shopping trip for you. He was working.

Amy106 · 01/11/2013 20:22

It is hard to go shopping on a business trip because there isn't time. He thought of you and got you something he thought you would like. The price of the gift doesn't equal how much he appreciates you. Don't worry about it. He tried.

BigWoooooo · 01/11/2013 20:25

I'm going to break with the crowd and YANBU. You're not asking for a diamond necklace, just a little thought.

Sorry you've had a shit week. I got made redundant while DH was away for work too. It was a really horrible experience and it was much harder because he was away. Just a little something to say he cares. No big deal. That said, I wouldn't dwell on it Flowers

LaGuardia · 01/11/2013 20:29

Blimey. I bet he really looks forward to coming home to you Hmm

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle · 01/11/2013 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 20:34

I still really don't understand why the DH should have to get the OP a gift at all, he's been working. It's not like he's been on a lads holiday living it up.

(this is in general btw, I've honestly never heard of it happening before)

sorry about your shitty week OP, enjoy them chocolates and relax

DontmindifIdo · 01/11/2013 20:38

YANBU - even if he only had time for airport shopping, there's always better things to be had at the airport. He at least could have picked up some perfume or one of those pretty make up gift sets they always have. In fact, booze would be better. It's not like the olden days when you could rock up at the airport 15 minutes before your flight and just get straight on it, you have to be there ages before hand with lots of hanging around to shop.

You get to be doubly annoyed if he's found the time to buy himself anything else.

specialsubject · 01/11/2013 20:41

he wasn't on holiday.

YABVVVVVVU.

Garcia10 · 01/11/2013 20:56

YABU. I go away a lot for work. My husband normally gets a bar of milka and my daughter gets a bag of schokobons ( sp.?). I wish I had time to shop and get them both lovely souvenirs but I rarely get to see anything other than my hotel room, the company premises I am meeting with and the airport.

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 20:58

He at least could have picked up some perfume or one of those pretty make up gift sets they always have

Why should he have done that? He's been away working? I didn't realise this constitutes having to buy your partner a gift Confused

Crowler · 01/11/2013 21:12

I'd rather my husband not buy me anything lest I wind up with a drawerful of expensive, slutty lingerie. I prefer to pick stuff out myself. Don't understand.

OwlCat · 01/11/2013 21:22

I have the world's least romantic DH and would be blown away if he brought me back some chocolates :-)