Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain and stand my ground?

28 replies

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 19:05

OK, I live about row of shops. In past I guess each flat above shop was owned by shop-keeper, but now the flats have different owners than the shop. Shop beneath our flat was empty for some time, then cafe recently opened there.

Each flat has a yard/garden area below and over the years in relation to some of the other gardens formal/informal agreements have been reached between the flat-owners and shop-keepers for the shop-keepers to use the respective gardens/yards.

Our garden/yard hasn't been used in this way. I rent and landlord very clear with me that he wanted me and me only to use the garden/yard (as parking space).

When shop opened beneath us, the shop-keepers children went into our garden/yard and played on my children's trikes out there, swung on our washing line. Parents were there so I politely pointed out the garden/yard is ours, it's not very safe anyway (I put down weedkiller etc) and can they respect that. Few days later, cafe worker was hanging tea towels on our washing line. I asked her not to do so please and she was quite rude. Then there was another occasion when the children were on there and I went out and asked parents more sharply if they could respect our area, even offered to have the children up in our flat with mine if they wanted a break for an hour.

Then I came home from work one day to find they have erected garden shed in neighbour's plot (presumably with their consent or perhaps neighbours genuinely don't care one way or another). But to do so they had chopped down my garden fence (albeit this was a plank between a couple of fence posts) and the shed door would only open into our garden (which is presumably why they chopped down the fence).

I notified landlord who was most unhappy and wrote letter insisting immediate reinstatement of fence. The cafe folk came round unhappy but saying they would put the fence back and would have difficulties accessing their shed. Actually they have now done the fence and moved the shed door to the other side of the shed where they can access it without needing to go through our yard.

AIBU to have notified landlord and stood my ground?

The worst thing about this is there's a lot of gossip going on about be behind my back - I've been told by one of the other shop-keepers that "community is more important than your rights, you know". Nobody seems to care that the landlord could easily have gone so far as not to renew my tenancy here had he inspected and found I'd consented to the fence being removed and access for all cafe staff through our garden on a constant basis. I previously got on well with all the shop staff but now I can nearly hear their sniping behind my back when I go past...

I am a sensitive soul and will try to rise above this, am keeping my cool and saying "There's two sides to every story" to everyone sniping about the "poor" cafe (who clearly aren't poor in financial terms, whereas I actually am quite poor!) and keeping my calm. AIBU?

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 01/11/2013 19:11

Of course yanbu! If they'd wanted a shop with a garden they should have bought a shop with a garden.

notundermyfoof · 01/11/2013 19:11

Yanbu at all! Cheeky fuckers Angry

ParsleyTheLioness · 01/11/2013 19:12

Community is not more important than your rights in this case, and don't let someone tell you differently. Smacks of an attempt to shame you into towing the party line.

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 19:13

Thanks so much guys!

I am pretty sure that if I wasn't a harassed single mum & immigrant with two toddlers but was a big burly bloke/ local lawyer they would not just have chopped down my garden fence...

OP posts:
thehorridestmumintheworld · 01/11/2013 19:19

Yeah what would they do if you went and sat in their cafe every day and used it as an extension of your living room without paying them? Would they be fine with that?

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 19:35

True, I am just flabbergasted that everyone else from the shop-keepers seems to think I'm being so unreasonable/ mean-spirited, "go on give them abit of your garden" kind of thing.

OP posts:
Polyethyl · 01/11/2013 19:44

It's not just about community it is also about protecting yourself legally. As the legal occupier of the land you have responsibilities regarding keeping the land safe. The level of responsibility differs depending if the person was your visitor (or someone with a legitimate reason to be on your land like the postman and binman) or a trespasser. So stand your ground - they aren't welcome in your garden and you aren't taking on extra safety responsibilities for them.

SarahBumBarer · 01/11/2013 19:49

It's not your rights you would be giving away is it - it's your landlord's. You have no right to do that.

If they had any sense of community they would not be treating you like this. Community seems to be code for "doing what we want". Stuff em - they did not even have the courtesy to ask you in the first place.

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 19:56

Wish I wasn't so sensitive, as I think you're all right but I'm still questioning myself!

That is interesting about the safety responsibilities.

If they had asked me first I might have FELT differently (but would probably still have had to do the same, as - as you say - it's my landlord's rights/ my tenancy at stake at the end of the day). I find their lack of respect quite shocking, they had even left the sawn up fence scattered across my garden!

I doubt I'll be drinking a cup of coffee in there again, or maybe I will just to prove I really don't care what they think!!!

OP posts:
intitgrand · 01/11/2013 19:57

Are you sure that the flat does have the right to the garden , have tou seen the deeds? It may be that the tenant of the shop below has been told that they are entitled to the garden.

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 20:19

The legal side of it has been sorted, it was accepted that the land belongs to my landlord.

Cafe is renting the land so maybe did think it was theirs initially but that was clarified quite quickly by landlords letter.

OP posts:
LuvMyBoyz · 01/11/2013 20:28

Hopefully they'll have something else to talk about soon and this storm in a teacup will blow over. Keep your dignity and sit it out until the next nine day wonder.

AgentZigzag · 01/11/2013 20:42

'"go on give them abit of your garden"

It's not your garden to give away though, cheeky beggers.

Sounds like the kind of people who you give them an inch and they'll take a yard.

You sound lovely though Smile offering to have their DC was much more than they could have expected.

Has it become a bit of a us/them situation with the other shops taking their 'side' just because?

I used to be in a similar set up but thankfully they were lovely and were only there a bit because they did sarnie rounds to local businesses.

Horrible though anyway, ignore it and hopefully it'll calm down, although if this is what you've had to put up with so far that's probably not going to be the case. I'd start writing down date/times etc and keep all the correspondence about it together just in case.

pianodoodle · 01/11/2013 20:47

Community doesn't extend to wandering into someone else's garden without asking, playing with their children's toys and hanging your tea towels up!

YANBU

phantomnamechanger · 01/11/2013 20:54

In your shoes and in order to keep the peace and not have snidey gossiping about you etc, I would try to pass the blame to the LL - so do go in the café, all smiles and breezy, so they can't say you are in anyway being snooty or standoffish, make some nice comment or ask how its going, then say "sorry about all that with the garden, hope theres no hard feelings its just that my LL is very particular and I don't want to be evicted if he thinks I am not sticking to the letter of our agreement in maintaining the fence and not allowing communal use of the garden." That, IMO, makes it clear you want no hard feelings but CANNOT accommodate them and passes the blame to the LL.

If they are still BU about it, its them not you and they are not the sort of folk to lose any sleep over.

funnyflowersky · 01/11/2013 20:55

YANBU. They are being rude at best and downright cheeky.

lackingimagination · 01/11/2013 20:58

I agree YANBU.

However why would you then offer to have their kids in your flat under your supervision for an hour rather than letting them play in the outside space for an hour?

mousmous · 01/11/2013 20:59

yanbu at all.
I would only give up the use off my (rented or owned) land for an adequate compensation (reduction in rent). and not if I don't want to, anyway.

AgentZigzag · 01/11/2013 21:05

Because they were swinging on the washing line and the weedkiller lacking?

lackingimagination · 01/11/2013 21:14

Imagine what they'd do to your flat then!

Perhaps a better offer would have been along the lines of - it's ok if the children play in the outside space for a short time if you need a break and we're not using it but please be aware that we use weedkiller and also make sure they respect our property.

AgentZigzag · 01/11/2013 21:18

That'd be like going over the LLs head though lacking, plus if the OP says you can have this then they're bound to take that and that.

JamJarOfDaffs · 01/11/2013 21:25

Thanks all, lacking it wasn't very thought-through. The garden/yard is a parking space so I didn't want children playing there, we just keep my children's toys there, they don't actually play there, it's not suitable for playing.

But at that point I was going out of my way to be friendly and could imagine parents needed a break having just set up cafe and seemingly not having childcare that day so I thought I could offer to childmind for an hour (as a one-off!)

phantom I said pretty much exactly that to them already, they seem to be blaming me for telling my landlord that they had encroached on our garden!

Well it's late enough, I guess I will have to try to let this all pass and hope for more friendliness again from the other shop-keepers in time, it has become a bit them and us which is a shame, no need.

OP posts:
lackingimagination · 01/11/2013 21:26

Agree. To me it just seemed strange that they'd want the children playing in the flat but not the outside space. I know which I'd rather.

lackingimagination · 01/11/2013 21:28

x-post

I did wonder whether you'd offered it out of kindness without thinking it through thoroughly!

SarahBumBarer · 01/11/2013 23:27

Agent I don't think you got enough kudos for the "give them an inch" comment Grin