10yr old.. not applying herself wwyd

[spidersolitare]

my 10 yr old was seated next to a very disruptive pupil at the beginning of last term. Now my dd isnt perfect by any means, nor a trouble causer, but she IS a sheep and is easily lead.

I shared my concerns with her teacher, who was new to the school.

so every week I've asked my dd if she has any homework and every week she told me the teacher hasn't set any. One of her classmates was here over the half term and was complaining about all the homework. Apparently there has been homework every night!

I'm furious with my dd! Not just for not doing it but for lying to me too.
Luckily i managed to get into school over the holidays and got all her books. she has been forging her reading record! saying that she has read a page every day ( when we read together we read a chapter at a time) plus she has singed one from her dad.

I don't think that she would have come up with this on her own, i think that she has been lead by this other child. But at the end of the day, she chose to lie to me for six weeks about homework and that is absolutely her fault.

I made her do exta english excerisies, this afternoon, and she only got 13 out of 30 despite knowing that she could do it... i think this is a bit of a protest! But how do i make her apply herself? we have already said that if she gets 100% on her extra lessons we will give her £5

So wwyd?

She doesn't sound shy to me. She does sound clever, I'll give you that. Clever and sly.

She sounds manipulative (of you) knowing that you will excuse her lying, and cheating, and blame the "naughty" kids.

Are you sure she isn't sitting at the front with the baddies because she, erm, is one?

She is not 4 and needing a sticker chart for a reward. She is 10 for goodness sake (I have one of my own)

You are being played like a violin.

I blamed no one but him. I talked to his teacher. We sorted it.

that

dd was the same at around 10 she was a nightmare lying very manipulative she was also shy very clever and thought she could get away with it, I can smell BS a mile off op your child is not a little angel no child is please sort this and dont be one of those mothers who say oh not my child, making children responsible for their actions is doing them a favour in the long run

I think that you have had some very good advice in this thread. Your DH has lied to you and has got away with it for a while. She now has to unlearn that lesson. She got away with nothing and has to work to rebuild trust. You trusting her word will be her reward. She is old enough to understand that. My secret weapon for a long time as the "D" word - Disappointed. If I told my DS that I was disappointed, and sometime sad about something he had done, this seemed to be more effective than any amount of telling off.

You need to talk to the teacher, because it would seem that your DD has lied to them as well. You also need to understand how your DD is behaving/performing in class. You also need to use that discussion to understand if the teacher knows/understands your DD and is on top of the class. But don't go in assuming the teacher has failed, remember that it is your DD who has pulled off the deception! The other child might be noisy and disruptive, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are cunning and frankly it is your DD that has shown that skill!

I have to agree with the others. Your DD has done this all herself. None of the other children are at home with her when she lies to you. Unless you think they are somehow putting pressure on her not to be a swat and do her homework they have no influence at all and I really think that is unlikely.

I am a bit surprised you don't know the school's policy on homework and I am wondering why it has taken you 6 weeks to work out that you are being lied to. I think after week 2 I would have been checking with other parents or DD's friends and then by week 3 I would have been talking to the teacher. Why did you let this slide so much?

I disagree about your DD clearly being bright. My DC (13 and 10) both try and avoid homework if they can't do it. I think it is far more likely that she is struggling and is trying to avoid having to confront the fact that she isn't coping. The 13/30 would back this up. The shyness isn't helping because she is clearly afraid to ask the teacher for help.

You need to talk the teacher about this and come up with a strategy for helping her deal with the homework and learning in class. She may need to be moved if she is being distracted or intimidated by the louder more unruly children but I don't think you put any more responsibility on them. The lying is the responsibility of your DD and you need to take responsibility for not being on the ball about this too and getting her the help she needs.

Blimey, I feel rather sorry for OP!

Every parent chooses to think the best of their child. It seems that she is guilty of trusting the word of her DD. To suggest that OP is not on the ball and suggesting at OP has failed to get the child extra help is an extrapolation too far IMHO!

The main problem is that my dd lied to me about her homework, fact

I got the spellings homework and made her spell out every word that she has had, without seeing them first to refresh herself. She got every one right.

So its not that she couldn't do it.
I have been ill and haven't been reading with her every night because I'm usually asleep before her and she stays up with her dad. I fall asleep at 7.

I will be going in to see her teacher and I will be asking for one hour of homework every night, which I will supervise at 5.00.

DS has spent yrs saying he had no homework.
He really totally hates HW.
Started when he was bullied.
I think I would focus on why she doesn't want to do homework.

I lied for at least a year, never took my spellings home to learn once. My DM looked after my teachers youngest DD and lived across the road, but he never said anything about unlearnt spellings.

I'm very much in two minds as to how much good blowing your top will do.

10y believe they rule the world.

Then I blame her father!

Perhaps, just perhaps, your being ill is also a factor.

Talk to the teacher and take it from there, once you have all the information!

Don't beat yourself up about this and don't make more work out of it than there needs to be, for either of you.

Kids will try to push the boundaries and to get away with things.

Thank you boarding blues. We were told as parents that we were expected to stay out of the classroom and help our kids become more independent.

Seems she can't handle the responsibility yet. But she will.

Thanks. She is such a sweet girl, and this is so out of character.

She's learning to bandstand in the lounge as we speak!

Yes! Learning relies on experience. Getting caught out is a great learning experience, no matter how old you are!

Sorry had to stir tea
By the end of Y6 and certainly in Y7 they know they don't.

Lying is wrong and forging signatures is very naughty, but making DD hate you and hate school is a very risky path to tread.

I was a very naughty 10y, I was bright and incredibly bored, I was slightly better at senior school.

And I'd hardly be naughty at all at the DDs school, who actually have formal detention.