Help! My daughter needs friends.

[MrsBusheven]

Hi everyone.

I'm at my wit's end here really. I moved with my children (DD now 14 and DS now 16) and partner from Newcastle upon Tyne to London 3 years ago.

Both are very quiet but seem to have coped with the big move. I know my DS has friends at school in London, and in Newcastle he has friends he goes out with when he visits during holidays.

But I'm slightly concerned that DS never really goes out with friends at weekends, although he used to, just my DD.The same goes for my DD. I'm sure she must have friends at school but she never really talks about them.

I've tried to encourage her to invite them round to our house and go out with them at weekends, but she simply never ever does. Now this week during half term both her and DS are in Newcastle and I've just found out she has only seen one friend for one trip out on Monday.

During the summer holidays she didn't see her friend at all - it seems like that friendship is waning. DD is a very quiet girl, so how can I encourage friendships at this age without being an overbearing mum? I'm worried that she only has DS. Any suggestions would be really welcome.

What about finding out what clubs and groups there are near you? It's easier to make friends over a shared interest.

Actually opened this thread by mistake (fat fingers) but just wanted to flag up that you have posted a lot of information which could make you/your children easily identifiable. This is an open forum so anyone could read this.

please tell me those are not all your real names??

I'm hoping the names are not real too

youth club/uniformed organisations/duke of Edinburgh/choir or drama group/ volunteering at a kids club or day centre for the elderly, or even a charity shop - all ways of her meeting more people, making friends and getting a confidence boost too

Helllo

I would ask MN to delete this and repost without the names.

I reported this just before posting so hopefully MNHQ will pick up on it even if OP doesn't.

I struggled to make friends at school but joining St John Ambulance when I was 13 was great for me and I made a lot of friends through that so I would try to encourage some sort of extra curricular group

Also agree names need to be removed if they are real.

Rather than focus on the friendship issue (she may feel insecure or embarrassed that she has few friends) focus on getting her out of the house and doing activities with other young people. Eventually she will hopefully make some friends.

Does your daughter have any hobbies or interests so she could join an activity class e.g. dance, drama, sport, music etc

Are you religious at all? Many places of worship run teenage youth clubs.

Scouts, D of E, and other youth movements may also be a way to get her meeting other young people.

My dds haven't seen anyone form school this half term either. Try not to worry.

I don't know if I'm well placed to give advice but I was quite similar to your children when I was at school by the sounds of it. I hardly ever saw friends out of school during the secondary years (and we never relocated - always lived in the same house). A girl I was best friends with at primary school moved when we were around seven, but I continued to see her at weekends sometimes until teenage years. My best friend at secondary school I did meet up with sometimes out of school, although we had our ups and downs in teenage years. I was never part of a group as such and definitely preferred the academic to the social side of school.

I don't remember my parents going on about it much. Perhaps in hindsight they could have encouraged me to ask my secondary school friend to come over more often. I also used to chat to another girl who lived near me on the way home from school, but unfortunately my parents really didn't get on with hers.

I think I felt that things couldn't change and that I couldn't suddenly get friendlier with people after not having been friends with them for some years.

Sorry I don't know what the point of my post is other than to say you can get through school without socialising much and then go on to make friends as an adult.

Thank you for your ideas. Sorry I didn't know about the names thing. I'm really new to this.

It's great to get ideas for so many positive things to try, but also good to know it's ok not to be the life and soul of the party, and that we're all different.

I must admit I'm not the best at making friends and want it to be better for my children, as it's almost painful to watch my girl sometimes. X

That's a great idea to get her tutor inside. They are always trying to get her to do after school activities and she always prefers not to, but maybe a gentle nudge would help. Thank you.