Nasty work colleague - do I confront her?

[Petal02]

I work with three other women. Two of them are lovely, the third (let’s call her Wendy) is an evil, manipulative, back stabbing bitch.

This morning I got a phone call from a colleague in another department (let’s call her Lisa). I get on really well with Lisa, we’ve been friends for quite a while. Anyway, Lisa told me that Wendy had visited her office yesterday, purely to allege that I’d been making negative comments about her work. Lisa thought this was very strange, smelt a rat, and realised Wendy was just trying to cause trouble. And I’m grateful she tipped me off.

So ……. I’m so angry that I’m shaking as I type this. If I confront Wendy it won’t get me anywhere, she’ll just deny it, and also I’m not very good at confrontation. And Wendy will also be aware that Lisa’s told me this.

So I can’t bring myself to speak to Wendy. I’m sure it’s insecurity that drives her to try and damage other people’s friendships/working relationships, but that doesn’t make it right.

On the positive side, Lisa’s just been back over to my office (I think she realised I was a bit rattled) and has been laughing and joking with me, in front of Wendy – so Wendy has been left in no doubt that mine and Lisa’s friendship is intact. So Wendy knows she’s failed, even without me opening my mouth.

Do I confront her, make myself look stupid and fail to achieve anything, or do I let the facts (ie me and Lisa are still fine) speak for themselves? Sometimes non-verbal statements are the most powerful ………

I wonder about the posters who say "this sounds like a playground". Perhaps they haven't ever been in the unfortunate position of working with someone like Wendy! Just because you are very reasonable and mature at work, doesn't mean everybody is. The woman lied to a colleague by telling her that OP was criticising her work, that's a work issue AND a personal one.

I once worked with someone who lied about colleagues in this way. Nobody realised she was doing it to us all. We all kept quiet, thinking it was just us for fear of causing problems and sounding childish and the fallout was huge. It all ended when one of my colleagues finally told me about a very serious allegation she had made about me to a senior colleague. I'm not going to give details about it but it was really, really shocking and untrue. Luckily for me the senior colleague saw through this woman and challenged her. She eventually crumpled and admitted some of the things she had done. She left soon after thank god.

Some people are troubled and tell lies about others for attention or to make themselves appear more likeable. It is not the OP's fault that she has fallen victim to someone like this. I agree that you should keep notes. Maybe leave it at that for now but be very wary of this woman and if it happens again tell your line manager.

Sometimes I coming to conclusion that some people are like animals when they feel threaten they will attack you in most vicious way which to be honest with you is pretty low

Maybe the person who hurt you is feeling insecure
Maybe you are better than she and that is the reason for
what she did
Just maybe

If sheever makes any snidey comments to your face, repeat what she says (ideally word for word) and ask her ever so politely (with head tilt) what she means by it.

W "So Petal has to get the report done by x, let's hope she manages to get it done"
Petal "Let's hope she manages to get it done. I am sorry W, what did you mean by that?"

If you start to show you are aware of what she is doing, and pull her up on it is a polite and professional way you may find she moves on to something else. You are doing nothing wrong -just asking for clarity on "feedback" She has put herself in a position of having to know explain a snidey comment. My cousin tried this approach (bullying boss) and it worked. She called her boss on various negative comments and it made her boss realise she was being utterly bitchy and hugely unprofessional. They met, discussed expectations and life a lot better for both now.

And YYYYY write notes.