Why do the older generation get so uptight about trivial stuff, and will we end up like that?

[sandyballs]

This is about the in laws who are in their early 70's so not really old by any means. They used to run their own company, very successfully, still have their wits about them, certainly not heading for dementia or anything.

MIL rang just now to tell me that DD had left her oyster card at their house yesterday, she sounded really anxious, stressing that DD would need it for school on Monday. I said not to worry it's only Friday, I'll pop in tomorrow or DH would at some point during the weekend.

She starts screeching in the background to FIL saying he must take it over to our house immediately. FIL starts getting stressed saying he has an appointment with the doctor at 5pm and wouldn't be able to do that today, it's a 20 minute drive to ours!

I interrupt saying again, not to worry, there's plenty of time to get it and even if DD didn't have it by Monday she could walk as it's her fault she left it there. School is less than 2 miles away, it's not going to kill her.

More screeching and stress down the phone with a 3 way conversation going on.

Why do so many older people get like this, when does it start, how do we prevent the same happening to us. Is it that they don't have enough going on now that kids have left home and they're retired so every issue becomes magnified.

It really is such a trivial thing and there have been many instances like this and some friends say similar about their parents/in laws.

[Heartbrokenmum73]

damejudy

Whoa whoa whoa! I have three cats! Christ, I'm screwed...

[sydlexic]

They don't get more uptight, the younger generation get less uptight. You will stay the same as you are which will become the new fuddy fuddy, you will say it wasn't like that in my day.

[saffronwblue]

I think the anxiety (in my dear Mum for example) is exacerbated by the pace of change and the bewildering nature of technology. Despite valiant attempts it is not second nature to her to pay online, send an email or use google. So she feels that the world is really hard to navigate and is run by secret systems that she can't access.

In her, ageing is shown by really worrying about any kind of entertaining or feeding people. This is someone who is a brilliant cook and effortlessly threw large dinner parties all the time I was growing up. Now if she has two old friends to lunch, she can spend a week fretting about what she will serve, where they will sit, etc etc.

I full expect that I will be like this too!

[harticus]

my parents were former hippies

Aha it's fun eh?! Yeah Grennie their health isn't too bad - some memory probs but after 70-odd years of thinking it can be excused.
I didn't think they could be even more mellow than they were in my childhood but they are. They really can't understand why people make such a fuss about everything.

I much prefer the company of oldies to youngies - always have done. They have all the dirtiest jokes.

[Grennie]

harticus - It is since my mum's health has not been good that she has got so anxious.

Yes lots of fun!

[SoleSorceress]

Met.lots of.people, most are uptight abbout stuff I am.not. They see it as a weakss in me I think. Nah, I quite a driven.person. Waste of headspace beng petty about fuck al. Ageless trait

[coralanne]

It's the opposite in our family.

If I didn't know 100% that my DS was mine, I would swear that he had been switched at birth.

Having a council clean up. I say put the things out on the kerb on Sunday night as we all arrive late home during the week.

He says NO, the council letter said it has to be put out the night before collection, which would be MONDAY night. So stumbles around in the ark on Monday night.

Lots and lots of similar things.

[coralanne]

Maybe that should be dark.

[AnkaretLestrange]

I find this thead worrying and deeply sad.

I don't want to be a person like this but can see very easily how it will happen.

I have blagged my way through the world the last 20 years and have just rushed at everything like a bull at a gate. Nothing bothered me, not really.

Yet this year I have had a full mental breakdown which left me crouched next to the washing machine for half an hour, too scared to move because of the strange noises.

And yet I have always identified with my work persona. Thinking that as long as I carried on working I wouldn't get old. Yet my work pressures have contributed to the mental problems.

I have been off work 5 months. My Confisence is in tatters. My daughter gets exasperated with me because I fuss and I think she just wants to get the hell away from me,

I am a million times better now than I was in June and yet feel so weak and powerless. How am I going to feel when I am old. I will be one of these fretting people who drives people crazy and I don't want to be.

I genuinely worry about this. But fucking hell I worry about everything. And I never used to give a shit.

[sunbathe]

Hey Ankaret.
Here's to a full recovery.

[NotYoMomma]

I left my spare set of keys at my mums the other night...

we live 0.8 miles away

they were a spare set and she knew this.

she made my dad Chase us home in the car! we pulled up at home and hadnt even got dd out the car and he was there!

I just dont get the urgency. if she left something I would give her a buzz, ask if she needed it - yes I would drop off or they could pick up, no I would drop it in next time.

not give Chase!

[raisah]

My dad is like this and he is driving evrrybody barmy with it including my laid back SIL! She is more concerned about my dads mental health than her own fathers!

My mum is also overly sensitive and breaks down crying all the time so we dont tell her or just minimize our problems. It is frustrating that we cant share our problems with our parents but its better in the long run I suppose.

[StealthPolarBear]

(((Ankaret))) hoping you manage to get the old you back very soon x

[PhallicGiraffe]

The forum 'AIBU' is full of people getting uptight about trivial things. That's what makes it so entertaining. And these are young, fit women!

[GinOnTwoWheels]

My parents constantly worry about me, telling me to 'drive carefully' every time I go home from their house. I am 40 YO and have lived away from home for over 20 years.

It baffles them that I travel all over the country on my own for work, without a care. I even travel abroad occasionally and do things that my DM especially would never consider, such as have a pub lunch on my own.

I think its sometimes the pace of change. I usually book all our holidays on the internet, which horrifies them 'what would you do if you got there and it didn't exist?'.

Saying that, I am a bit of a technophobe myself and live in fear of the day our TV breaks because I am aware that there has been a lot of change in this field in the last 8 years since we bought our last one and I am just going to be baffled by the choice myself when we go to look for a new one and the fact that DP is desperate for the current TV to break so that we can get a Smart 3D one, whatever that is.

[fortyplus]

We went round to my mum's house on my son's bd (he's 18). On my way there (after long day at work) I stopped off at Sainsbury's for a few bits. I thought it would be fun to get a cake but my mum is always cooking and often makes cakes so I didn't want to buy one if she'd already made one. Made a quick phone call which went like this:
Me: 'Hi mum - just stopped off at Sainbury's to get a few bits so I was wondering whether you'd made a cake for Matt?'
My mum: (screeching) 'How do you think I'd have time to do that?! What was I supposed to do - stick a broom up my arse?!'
She's 78 - little old ladies are so sweet, aren't they?

[SoupDragon]

Why do so many older people get like this, when does it start, how do we prevent the same happening to us.

Er... have you read some of the threads on Mumsnet...? Worrying about trivia is not the sole domain of the older generation!

[fortyplus]

SoupDragon - don't know how old you are but it definitely gets worse with age - I'm 52 and definitely turning into a grumpy old woman!

[livinginwonderland]

My dad's the same, but my mum is way more relaxed.

I think he's just become set in his ways and has his own little routine and way of doing things, and he hates it when random things come up and he has to change his plans.

But, saying that, I like having plans and I do get annoyed when plans change and I'm only 24

[fortyplus]

ps I fret more about trivial things, too - so now I'm all twitchy because I typed 'definitely' twice in one sentence

[HoleyGhost]

The forum AIBU is full of people suffering from anxiety.

I suspect that debilitating anxiety is much more likely if you've had a massive change in your life - that could be having a baby or it could be retirement or a decline in your health.
Any of those things change your identity and your way of living.


I really hope that I mellow as I age

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

MIL used to be like this until FIL died. Then she downsized and moved from the village she'd lived in all her life.

Now she winds us* up by staying in bed till midday, plotting Eurostar trips with her DGDs and noot giving a shit.

*SIL actually, who thinks herself a teeny bit better for losing the rural accent.

[harticus]

My parents constantly worry about me, telling me to 'drive carefully' every time I go home from their house

Nothing wrong with that though is there?

I cannot bear the thought of the day coming when my mum and dad won't be around to wish me a safe journey any more.

[Thewalkingdeadkr]

My mum and dad spend ages getting places as they prefer a route which avoids them having to turn right!!!
I'm not lying I swear.
They are retired and have a routine of going to different supermarkets.
I say "I rang you earlier but you were out"
"Well yes, you know we go to asda at 8 I clock on Wednesdays!" She snaps.
Well no I didn't actually.
My dad rushes out to check oil and water on all cars and often spends ages moving our cars around in accordance of who's leaving first etc.

Pil are a separate thread if anyone remembers my "anal pils" thread in classics.
I've avoided staying for a year but I'm sure Xmas will bring further hilarity.