Why do the older generation get so uptight about trivial stuff, and will we end up like that?

[sandyballs]

This is about the in laws who are in their early 70's so not really old by any means. They used to run their own company, very successfully, still have their wits about them, certainly not heading for dementia or anything.

MIL rang just now to tell me that DD had left her oyster card at their house yesterday, she sounded really anxious, stressing that DD would need it for school on Monday. I said not to worry it's only Friday, I'll pop in tomorrow or DH would at some point during the weekend.

She starts screeching in the background to FIL saying he must take it over to our house immediately. FIL starts getting stressed saying he has an appointment with the doctor at 5pm and wouldn't be able to do that today, it's a 20 minute drive to ours!

I interrupt saying again, not to worry, there's plenty of time to get it and even if DD didn't have it by Monday she could walk as it's her fault she left it there. School is less than 2 miles away, it's not going to kill her.

More screeching and stress down the phone with a 3 way conversation going on.

Why do so many older people get like this, when does it start, how do we prevent the same happening to us. Is it that they don't have enough going on now that kids have left home and they're retired so every issue becomes magnified.

It really is such a trivial thing and there have been many instances like this and some friends say similar about their parents/in laws.

[SofaKing]

I have had the jumper thing too from my mum, she got very cats bum mouth about me sending ds2, 2.7 out in only a long sleeved top. And a giant jacket. To walk to an indoor shopping centre ten minutes away. But without a jumper he will freeze, apparently.

My 92 year old great aunt also does this, to be fair with more justification. We had a fifteen minute phone call during which I told her I was not available to come down yesterday or today to pay an electric bill she has not yet received.
The electric bill hasn't arrived, but she phoned at 11 to ask me to get her shopping as she will shortly run out of tea bags. My sister is going tomorrow and she has enough tea bags to last till then, but it is still a big deal to her. It drives me crazy as she refuses to get a carer, and we live too far away to provide her with daily care, so she guilt trips us instead of accepting she needs a carer .

[paperdress]

My folks like this and i expect i will be like this too.
If you think of the trillions of micro decisions and forward planning we do now as parents and then suddenly thats no longer required of you AND you are no longer in paid employment- poof, where does all that mental energy go?

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Lovecat - that is me this week! Except my mum is here from the UK and we live in the US. She has done an amazing job with toddler DD and helping me post c-section, but the incessant questions re how I take my tea (same as the last twenty years), which plates to use for food (all the same set, choice of sizes, I really couldn't care less) are starting to drive me batty. I know she means well and absolutely everything comes from a good place, but Blimey, it's not like anyone would die if a medium sized rather than a large plate ventured out of the cupboard. And don't get me started on tumble dryer settings and times...

[thebody]

seriously joking apart yes it is sad to loose confidence.

I know I am a lot more scared of motorway driving than I was 20 years ago..

[fluffyraggies]

I'm confused about how old is 'old' any more. Read a thread yesterday where 63 was being described as old. Here we are saying 70's isn't old?

Mum mum seems to have been determined to be old since her late 40s. (she's been giving me clippings about the onset of arthritis since i was mid 20s, so i think she wants me to be old too!) She is now in her early 70s, she does fuss and worry about details and would be delighted if i accused her of sounding old

I know darn well she is a capable woman though. She gets herself out to the shops, emails relatives, sends photos from her phone, orders from the internet, sorts out her tax returns, runs the gardening club etc. So why is it, if we're in a shop together and she thinks i'm in ear shot does she pretend to suddenly not understand how to use her debit card and speak to the cashier as if she is a confused old woman?? Saying things like 'sometimes i don't even know where i live' in a quivery voice? Then go back to normal as we leave the shop

[Grennie]

How old is old? Depends. Some people start behaving like this in their 60's some it takes until their 80's. I think those in good physical health seem to take longer to become mentally old.

[gotthemoononastick]

because we live in the land of the bewildered my dearies...just you wait,laugh out loud!!

[exbrummie]

We are going to my parents next week in the city that I grew up in,we will be tavelling from the city Centre to my parents by bus. Had a very frustrating conversation on the phone with my mom the other day with her explaining that you no longer get a particular bus where you usedto and went into a long waffling account of where you now get it and I'll never find it because "it's all changed"
In the end I just said"if I can't find it I'll just ask someone"
Not to mention her getting really get up over the fact that ds will be joining us later by train and it all being complicated because we won't know what platform he will arrive on.
Surely other people meet people at that station without knowing what platform they will arrive on! Aarrgh!

[exbrummie]

That should say het up not get up.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

we live around an hour from PIL if we are going to visit we have to be on time, no allowance for traffic, weather or anything. we were late once 2 mins after eta he rang us to see where we were then sulked all afternoon as we were LATE (for sitting round the house until dinner at 7... on the dot) he wakes up every day and will not relax until he has sorted out in his head what's for lunch and dinner. they are so set in their ways and everything has to be just the way he wants sometimes its laughable but sometimes it drives me mad.

[InsultingBadger]

My grandparents are like this but I think it's because everything is planned and at a slower pace so anything unplanned or fast paced sets them into a panic!

[SilverOldie]

After some of the ridiculous things people get uptight about on here, it's not always the oldies.

[JockTamsonsBairns]

God, my MIL has started this. We occasionally go over for Sunday lunch, and this sparks off a flurry of phones calls from Thursday evening until Sunday morning - fretting over how many carrots the Dc's will eat, worrying that she doesn't have a step for them to use the toilet, and frantic about possible treacherous driving conditions.

When we do arrive, she frets about who's going to sit where at the table, and if anyone stops eating for a break rather than wolfing it down she thinks we're not enjoying it.

I know she means well, but it just makes the whole occasion so stiff and fraught. I can't imagine living with this level of angst.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

Huge generalizations on this thread and some ageist nonsense. Mumsnet is full of younger people getting uptight about trivial things.

[wem]

Sorry, completely irrelevant comment - EndoplasmicReticulum I love your name. I've just started an Open University course in biology, a month ago I wouldn't have known what it meant but know I do!

[wem]

*now

[Grennie]

Amici - Yes young people get stressed about trivial things. But we are talking about people who were laid back when they were younger, and change as they get older. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it is not uncommon.

[Happypiglet]

My mum will be 70 next year. She ran her own business until she turned 62, holds down a tough voluntary role and still works part time at a well known supermarket. Her mind is not empty or redundant, she still completes the times cryptic crossword every day....but
She asks us for Sunday dinner and then panics because she doesn't know what/ how much/ when to cook. For about a week before.
If going on holiday she needs to pack at least a week before
If she has not ironed her work uniform at least a day before she goes to work then her entire week is in a shambles.
She will no longer drive in the dark.
She will not park any where unfamiliar which involves reversing....which makes going somewhere unfamiliar quite difficult...
I can honestly say it has happened gradually over the last five years. It's sad but I think inevitable to some extent.

[FruOla]

"Why do the older generation get so uptight about trivial stuff, and will we end up like that?"

Yes

[Happypiglet]

Oh and I have lost count of the number of conversations we have had about her daily newspaper... Making sure she gets it when away (she has paid a subscription don't you know) cancelling it when away and the stress caused by not finishing it daily...
It took me two years to persuade her that taking a Sunday paper as well was just too much reading and she needed to just STOP....she is the most informed 70 year old I know but at much cost to my sanity but at least she can say 'don't you know anything about current affairs' regularly to me and still feel superior .. But at least I can cook for seven without breaking stride mother! rant over!

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

The reverse is also common; many people mellow as they age, and become less concerned with trivial matters.

The wording of the original post is very ageist. I realize that the OP modified it to say "some" but it still stands as is.

[emsyj]

My DMum has got very much like this over the last few years, I would say in particular it's noticeable for the last 2 years or so. She's 74. She used to be ultra laid-back about mess, for example - now she won't let DD1 (3yo) do anything without fussing about the mess and she makes some quite sharp comments if she spills anything - this could not be more different from how she was in the past. No amount of noise, mess etc bothered her but even DH has noticed that she is very concerned about it now.

She has also recently got a major obsession with the price of laundry detergent. She has always had a 'thing' about using Persil and would never ever buy anything else, and she assumes I am the same (which I'm not - I buy whatever is on offer - and I use biological, which she just cannot get her head around at all). I think every text message I have had from her this year has been advice on which supermarket is doing an offer on Persil that week. When it's on offer at the Tesco near her house, she will shoo me out of the door to go and make a special trip to buy some.

I imagine I will end up the same, although my Nan on DMum's side was actually very laid-back and remained so all her life - she went to visit a relative in New Zealand aged 78 and didn't come back for 6 months - she kept meeting new people who would say, 'come and spend a week with us' and she said 'okay' to every single one! Who knows which way it will go for me...

[NomDeOrdinateur]

I think people's natural tendencies (whatever they may be) often become exaggerated as they age, especially if they retire, and there's not much that can be done about it. Also, don't forget that medication can change the way you feel and behave, and health problems often have their own physical and emotional impact, regardless of how old you are.

[Sparklingbrook]

emsy my Mum only uses Persil, and as for biological that's a huge no-no.

My DPs are in their 70s and have got very set in their ways. Once arrangements are made they can't be cancelled or changed for instance.