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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if prior to having a baby, you really pined for one?

33 replies

annabanana84 · 01/11/2013 12:54

further to my thread yesterday about the cost of having a baby, I was just wondering if im alone in these insane broody feelings I'm having.

I think about having a baby constantly. To the point it brings tears to my eyes. I daydream about life with baby, and even write down names I like while I'm doodling at work time and time again. The feeling is overwhelming. I recently had my coil out to ttc, and dp now says we can't afford one and next year after our holidays, he says we can start saving then (ffs, saving for a new car or a holiday...yes, but a baby?!) I'm so frustrated and usually dp and I get on like a house on fire, but we haven't spoken for 2 days now.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/11/2013 13:05

You seem to be on different pages about this but I really feel for you. Financially it has to also make sense. You can get by on very little, but if it's at a point where it will put a massive strain on the family then it does become an issue. Does your DH feel this way?
Is this a sudden yearning or have you been feeling this way a long time.

BarbarianMum · 01/11/2013 13:06

Saving for a baby is not a bad idea, but why can't you start saving now?

Actually, backing up - what does it mean 'you can't afford one'? Do you have a place to live, life insurance (both of you), maybe some health insurance, a few thousand in the bank for emergencies?

Can you meet the mortgage/rent on one salary? If not, you may need some money to see you through the first few months. Have you thought about whether you'd like to go back to work, and if so, how you'll manage childcare. Have you talked about who will be the main wage earner, or child carer or how you will split these roles?

Being broody is hard but babies are very real and they change things (that's the point of them really). Of course, if you've worked through most of the above and your dh is just using money as an excuse for not being ready, well that's a different problem.

Certainly, he should be clear on what 'being able to afford it' looks like cause he may be being hugely over-cautious.

HarderToKidnap · 01/11/2013 13:18

I pined. From the day we started trying to ttc to the day I got a positive test I was miserable. I was just in limbo waiting for a baby and didn't feel happy again until I fell pregnant. Thank goodness I didn't have fertility problems, my heart goes out to those who do. Life felt crap and empty, although up to then I had been a happy person with a full, busy life! Trying to ttc again now and I haven't really noticed so far! I'd love to be pregnant but it doesn't feel the same as the first time.

Best of luck

NotYoMomma · 01/11/2013 13:23

I am very practical rather than emotional and always have a 5 year plan

my plan after marriage was 3 years of fun and holidays, then a baby, then after 2 years another baby

so I never really pined. if we had any issues ttc (no issues and concieved straight away) or I am sure I would have done.

I love dd1 to bits though and dd2 is currently overdue. she is obviously not as methodical as me or she would not be late ;p

NotYoMomma · 01/11/2013 13:25

how old are
you OP?

if he had preciously agreed to ttc and you have had the coil taken out I would be tempted to say now is the time and refuse any contraception like the pill that falls on you to take.

its a bit unfair to change the rules half way through the game

tweetytwat · 01/11/2013 13:27

Hell yes. I was desperate to have a baby when we had our first.

But they are hard work, you want to both want it (though DH was never as keen as me, but still very willing)

QueenMedb · 01/11/2013 13:41

No, I never had remotely 'broody' feelings. We discussed having a child after many years childfree together, stopped contraception, conceived immediately, and now have a toddler. I think I have only become interested in /sentimental about children since having him. I was certainly never someone who peered into prams or longed for a child.

bittapitta · 01/11/2013 13:43

Why haven't you replied to your other thread OP? There have been 100s of posts! And I don't understand why you'd come off contraception without discussing it with your DP first?

MrsDavidBowie · 01/11/2013 13:45

Not at all.
I didn't marry till I was 35 and Assumed I wouldn't meet someone and have children.
I had my first at 36 and second at 39.

Had I not conceived after number one I wouldn't have been upset. I would never have had a third.

I love them dearly, and can't imagine life without them, but I would still consider myself unmaternal.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/11/2013 13:46

Haven't you started this thread already?

SoonToBeSix · 01/11/2013 13:49

Barbarian I doubt many couples ttc have a few thousand in the bank.

YerDaftApeth · 01/11/2013 13:58

We didn't start trying until I was 34, I didn't feel settled enough until then. We wanted a child, not a desperate longing, not at that point. After I had my first miscarriage I was heartbroken and realised I desperately wanted a baby. We went on to have a further five miscarriages and were getting desperate. Last March, five years after our first miscarriage our seventh pregnancy resulted in the birth of our gorgeous DD.

We haven't got a lot of money In the bank, we aren't on the bones of our arses either. I suppose what I'm saying is that if you think about it too much you will never afford a baby. Also until you start trying you don't know if you will have any problems. Because it took us so long to have DD and now I'm 41 she is likely to be an only one. But an only one we are VERY lucky to have.

TheFabulousIdiot · 01/11/2013 14:02

I had fertility issues and was older so I knew there would be a struggle. the longer it went on the harder it got.

DH wanted one too and would have started a lot earlier than I wanted to.

You need to save for maternity leave but aside from that it's not hugely expensive having a baby imo.

BarbarianMum · 01/11/2013 14:07

SoonToBeSix I think everyone should have a few thousand (I mean two or three, not ten) in the bank for emergencies. And it's an awful lot easier to save that before you have children.

misspontypine · 01/11/2013 14:09

I really really pined.

It took 2 years for me to become pregnant and in that time I had lots of very dark moments and I am ashamed of tge feelings of jealousy I had.

We didn't save for a baby, we buy clothing in the sale or second hand. We don't have lots of baby stuff like a jumperoo or nursery furniture or a changing table we just have the absolute basics.

We live in a country where we are actually better off financially than without a baby.

needaholidaynow · 01/11/2013 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 01/11/2013 14:21

No, I never pined.

I agree with others - it is good "etiquette" to return to threads you start where posters have replied, to reply to them, as it were.

Rufus44 · 01/11/2013 14:52

No never pined, wasn't really fussed. Only had number one for my mum and husband, then adored the pants of him and had 2 and 3!

Hope it works out for you

Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2013 14:55

I didn't pine or experience any broodiness, no. If anything, I'd rather have put it off for a few more years, but time wasn't on my side.

Jan49 · 01/11/2013 15:01

Yes, I pined for a baby for about 7 years til I had my son. From age 21 when I was in a serious relationship with my partner until our son was born. I felt like I was climbing the walls with desperation and just couldn't cope with anything else but had to have a baby. My partner wasn't ready.

Then I had some health scares and kept being told to avoid getting pregnant and wait for further tests. I found that a really hard time, though we'd not actually been TTC. By the time the problem was sorted out, we were both ready to TTC and I got pg straightaway.

I don't understand about you having the coil taken out and now your dp wants to wait. Did he agree with you having the coil removed to TTC?

Pigsmummy · 01/11/2013 15:07

I took a year TTC and really pined, I also saved like stink to pay myslef a wage from savings when on maternity leave. My DH wasn't as keen as me to start trying and even once said that we "weren't actively trying" even though I had come off pill for six months and were having sex at the most fertile times!?

comewinewithmoi · 01/11/2013 15:10

No1 , no she was a lovley accident. No2/3....very broody, actually obsessed before no3. No4...I was then it faded. I just thought, oh go on then or else Ill want one when I got 40 and have a 19 year gap of course, I love ds to bits!!

comewinewithmoi · 01/11/2013 15:11

19 years, eh? 10 years

Modestandatinybitsexy · 01/11/2013 15:16

I'm pretty much in your situation - apart from previously agreeing to stop contraception.

Babies were in the plan for me in a couple of years but recently the baby urge has hit me. I feel like a crazy person smiling at babies and toddlers in the street! My partner isn't ready though as he would like to be in a more comfortable financial position and he would prefer me to stay home.

So yes, I'm pining and waiting. I understand he's not ready and he knows where I stand so we're currently in limbo :(

ToriaPumpkin · 01/11/2013 15:38

For years and years. DH and I met when we were 16, married when we were 21 but were 26 before DS came along as we waited for a long time to TTC as we were both at uni, then we wanted to have a place to live and steady jobs.

It took a long time for DH to decide he was ready, then a wee while to conceive. We were lucky really in that we've conceived two healthy pregnancies in under a year each, but the wait to even start trying was soul destroying.

They're worth the wait though. Most of the time. ignores recent 3 and 5am wake up calls.

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