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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross at PIL for saying they thought ds was "backwards"

23 replies

Mittensonkittens · 31/10/2013 16:02

Ds is 4 now. He's absolutely fine, chatty, happy, in no way behind for his age.

We went to see PIL today and ds was chatting away and FIL said to MIL "he's ok now isn't he, we were worried he was backwards." I said "what do you mean?" And FIL said that when ds was about two and wasn't saying as much as their great niece who was a similar age at the time they'd thought ds was "slow" and "backwards."

Aibu to think what is wrong with these people?! There is clearly not, nor has there even a vague delay with ds and even if there had been quite frankly the terms "backwards" and "slow" get my back up!

OP posts:

ChanelTunel · 31/10/2013 16:39

Ignore. Your parents sometimes have warped memories of the fact that all children develop at different rates. According to my mother,my sisters and I were potty-trained at 9 months

TheListingAttic · 31/10/2013 16:59

Well, it was a thoughtless comment, but I wouldn't get worked up about it. They're daft if they think they can accurately measure whether his progress is normal by cross checking him with one kid of vaguely similar age. The terms they're using are rather dated, but they've obviously realised there's nothing at all to worry about, so why make a fuss that they previously had the daft idea there might have been?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2013 17:03

The terms are dated and repulsive. However, it sounds like it may have been concern rather than meanness.

My FIL thinks DD should be able to read the time at 2 yo

Littleen · 31/10/2013 17:13

Pfff, silly parents in law! ignore them. Kids are very different! I know two sister in laws who had kids at the same time - at 2, one was extremely chatty whilst the other was nearly silent - his older brother did most of the talking, and he didnt seem like he felt like talking. School age now, and they are totally at the same level. It doesn't matter :)

WorraLiberty · 31/10/2013 17:18

Did you tell them those terms were outdated?

Perhaps they were unaware?

Amy106 · 31/10/2013 17:25

They didn't say this in front of ds, did they?!! If they did, I would be very very annoyed indeed. If they didn't I would still be upset but would probably ignore them.

FlapJackOLantern · 31/10/2013 17:30

They were worried. It is just old-fashioned terminology which you must give them leeway for. Some parent are, quite honestly, the last to see that something is not quite right.

I have a friend who is still denying that her son is a 'little different' (very different)..........and he's 23 !!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/10/2013 17:33

Chanel you must have been backwards too. I apparently mastered the potty at 6 months!

FriskyHenderson · 31/10/2013 17:37

I was potty trained before I walked at 9 months. Do I win the award for the most forgetful parent?

BabyMummy29 · 31/10/2013 17:40

My MIL always used to make me feel inadequate about my DCs, comparing them to her other GC eg "X was walking at 10 months - isn't Y walking yet?" etc etc.

I tried to ignore it but fell out with her in the end as I just couldn't let it go.

Both my DC are now at university.

bunchoffives · 31/10/2013 17:46

Worral outdated to whom?

To them those terms are okay and not intrinsically offensive. I don't think you can complain that they use language that is outdated to younger people when to them it's perfectly correct.

Original poster

Mittensonkittens · 31/10/2013 19:20

Yes in front of ds.
It annoyed me because I don't know what they expected a 2 year old to be doing - reading war and peace?!

OP posts:

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 31/10/2013 19:22

Dated and non-PC terms and they probably should've been more tactful but at least they care enough to notice and worry.

Original poster

Mittensonkittens · 31/10/2013 19:37

But there was nothing to worry about! I think it was part of their competition with their friends and family to see who has the brightest child

Ds was fine at 2, he flew through his 2 year check. I don't know what they expected of him. It annoyed me that they thought my perfectly average child was "backward" and tbh even if he hadn't been where he should have been at 2 they make massive progress and change all the time anyway. They usually get there in the end.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 31/10/2013 19:38

They used outdated terms, but that's what older people do!

They were comparing the developmental difference between the small children in their lives and they noticed a difference. Then they commented on it when they realised there was nothing to worry about.

They really didn't do anything that bad, and you are overreacting.

Pagwatch · 31/10/2013 19:41

How old are they?

My mother is 80 and she would know better than to say 'backwards'.

YouTheCat · 31/10/2013 19:41

As an older person, there really is no excuse for using terms like 'backwards' - age is no excuse.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 31/10/2013 19:42

Glad its not just me. I was reading, walking and potty trained by 9 month. I suspect the reality is that my parents have got the decade correct.

ForalltheSaints · 31/10/2013 19:56

Of course you are right to be cross.

LimitedEditionLady · 01/11/2013 12:58

What a stupid comment.i dont know why people think you can even compare children at two years old!every child i know is different ive yet to come across two identical.id bloody tell them that was offensive!

LimitedEditionLady · 01/11/2013 13:01

Id be hurt woowoo,id expect them to have said something two years ago if they had concerns.

buss · 01/11/2013 13:06

very offensive terms to use

Amy106 · 01/11/2013 13:55

That's just not on! If they say something that offensive now ( especially in front of him) I can only imagine what they might say to him in the future. I don't see age as an excuse. They have a two year old grandchild. How old can they be?

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