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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Isn't Blood Supposed To Be Thicker Than Water? Long Winded - Sorry!!!

16 replies

MrsNurse · 31/10/2013 01:33

Hi first of all I'm new to mumsnet, I'm a mum of 2 my eldest has Autism so life can be a strain. So a big hello to everyone out there.

I'm on here to look for some advice.

I got with my boyfriend a few years ago, when I met him he'd been single for 4 years as his ex of 20yrs had cheated on him twice - the second time she left him for another women after deciding she was a lesbian.

He was very shy and lacking confidence and had little faith in women so it took me a while to gain his trust and get a relationship between us started.

He went on to tell me how she had left him on the brink of suicide & broke (his friends & family have confirmed this) before she left him she squirelled away tens of thousands of pounds of their joint money behind his back and bought a house on her own, he refused to take legal action as thought she might stop him seeing the kids. We currently struggle financially & live in a rented property.

The first few months we were together she was lovely until she started showing her true colours, slagging me & my boyfriend off to their children and involving them in arguments which I feel is a no no and very harmful to the children.

She constantly sends my bf texts with kisses on and has tried everything within her power to make our lifes difficult and split us up.

She has also made vulgar comments about my children and has said my son isn't good enough to play with her children and she doesn't want them left alone with him incase he hurts them because he is 'autistic'

We never see the children on our birthdays (a deliberate act) which hurts.

Now comes the part I would like advice on - she has added all of my bf's family on facebook within the last few weeks, not only have 99% of them accepted she also invites them around her house using the kids as leverage, the last time she invited them round she insisted we picked the kids up from her house which was out of character as she normally drops them at ours after work - I believe this was so that when we went to collect the kids we'd see all the family around there.

I'm absolutely gutted I like his family and thought they liked me, we go to their houses for parties etc, they know the hell she has put my bf through and the hell she constantly puts us through.

I'd like to take the moral high ground but don't know how as I feel like bursting into tears whenever I think about it.

What can we do?

OP posts:

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 31/10/2013 01:56

Nothing. They can spend time with their grandchildren/nephews/nieces without your permission. They can have a relationship with her if they want. If she was in their lives for 20 years then they obviously will have formed relationships. Let them get on with it. You cant control other people.

Boardingblues · 31/10/2013 01:56

My advice is do nothing. She is seeking a reaction and so the best thing that you can do is not to react at all.

I know that this can be difficult, but she sounds like a messed-up bunny.

Have your BF's family not mentioned that they find her behaviour odd? Why would they be so forgiving? Do they not get to see the DC with you?

Jan49 · 31/10/2013 02:08

She is the mother of the children so I would expect the extended family to be interested in staying in touch. I'm not sure why you're want to do anything. She and the children are a part of their family.

Original poster

MrsNurse · 31/10/2013 02:15

Thanks for the replies agreed she is looking for a reaction and yes the family see the children with us. All I know is if someone had hurt one of my children or family I was close to I wouldn't want to be friends with them so i can only reaally go on how I'd react if the shoe were on the other foot.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsNurse · 31/10/2013 02:26

Ps wanted to add that the family have had nothing to do with her for over 5yrs this has just suddenly and oddly came about almost as though she has had a personality transplant for their benefit.

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 31/10/2013 03:05

A lot of people feel as you say wrt 'if someone hurt my child/family'.

That didn't stop my ILs insisting on including my DH's ex, who had had three affaires that he knows of and shattered his confidence before leaving for yet another boyfriend, To Christmas dinner and expecting DH To be polite about it.

And yes, ignore because she is trying To provoque a reacción and you can't stop the family from accepting her invitaciones.

mynewpassion · 31/10/2013 04:20

Aren't the children their blood also? I don't think they are seeing the children for her benefit but for the children's benefit.

So its not a case of is blood thicker than water but a case of for the good of the children.

NynaevesSister · 31/10/2013 05:38

Have you talked to them? Are they being friendly or are they just putting up with it so they get to spend more time with the kids? We did a lot of that when step kids were small as did hubs family. Learn to disengage from her an just focus on being the best step mum and dad you guys can be. Everything else is out of your control.

BoundandRebound · 31/10/2013 06:48

Yes blood is thicker and she has blood on her side too

You may be right about her intentions but so what? It's good for the kids!

maddening · 31/10/2013 06:57

but the family were only there for the dc - if the dc were not there they wouldn't go. They probably put up with her for the dc.

do you invite the family round when the dc are at yours?

Retroformica · 31/10/2013 06:57

Do nothing. Hold your head up high. It's great the relatives see their nephew/grandly more. It's unacceptable (unless her child is actually in danger) to say that about your son but she is so ibvi

Retroformica · 31/10/2013 06:57

Obviously trying to upset you and get a response from you. Rise above it.

Mojavewonderer · 31/10/2013 07:02

I actually think this game playing is bad for the kids and lets face it it is game playing and point scoring. The kids are being used as pawns in her sick game and it's out of order.

Original poster

MrsNurse · 31/10/2013 11:11

Hi sorry to be daft but what does DH, DC & IBVI mean? The family see the kids once a fortnight when we go around and at family parties etc. I'm not looking forward to family parties if this is the way forward

OP posts:

meddie · 31/10/2013 11:17

If she has form for using the kids as a weapon then what other option does his family have if they want to keep seeing the kids. Maybe they dont want to provoke her by refusing to visit.

Original poster

MrsNurse · 31/10/2013 13:55

I dont know where any of it has come from as none of them have wanted to know her for the last 5 years now all of a sudden they're best buddies, I think I'm just going to keep out of all of their ways as feel it would be an easier solution then embarassing myself my getting upset (heart on sleeve person I'm afraid) thanks for your advice anyway guys

OP posts:

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