To feel annoyed about OH watching porn

[yayforspring]

I don't really know how I feel about this do thought I'd ask others how they react. My boyfriend (of 2 years) often comments that he watches and enjoys porn occasionally and I noticed that he gets a load of junk emails with fairly graphic porn images etc in them. I don't want to be a prude but it makes me uncomfortable that he gets off on seeing other women naked/shagging etc. I am afraid to mention it because I want to keep our sex life spicy and I do find some porn a turn on (although cringe as it's so seedy). I just feel a bit jealous. How do other people react? Is it ridiculous to feel jealous, should I just leave him to be a red-blooded male and hope if we get more serious/married etc that he'll tone it down?

out of curiosity do you masturbate and do you use anything like porn/erotica?

If you watch porn together are you watching it alone too?

I'd be glad he's honest about it.

I would discuss your feelings with him. Perhaps you can use some porn to keep things spicy of you are comfortable with that (it sounds like you are) and so keeping it in the open. Like a pp said it's good he's open!
There will be some along later who will be more judging of his habit but I'd say if you're ok with the principle, your sex life is active and happy (and respectful) and he knows what your boundaries are and sticks to that ad respect your feelings, then it's all good.

It doesn't matter what any of us think. Only what you think.

Personally, though it's irrelevant, I have no problem with porn in theory, but I have a massive problem with the porn industry, and so can't support it for that reason.

And obviously the way women are treated in the porn industry is so far removed from Daniel Craig with his top off, as to be laughable.

It won't get better.
You are not being a prude.
Don't try to be okay with it if you're not.
He won't change if you get married.
You shouldn't marry him if you are afraid to talk about issues that upset you.

Being a "red-blooded male" doesn't necessarily mean you need to get off on the exploitation and objectification of women.

Is it just that your jealous when he watches it without you but not when you watch it together?

Me and my boyfriend would watch porn together at times when we first got together - I was confident enough to not be bothered by it, and it was often initiated by me. However, these days I am not confident, and would not cope with it. But saying that, if he wanted to watch porn and have a nice time on his own, that would not be a problem to me - I trust he would watch porn which imo is not degrading to women, and that he is able to differentiate between porn and irl. I often tell him that if he wants to watch porn, or go to a strip club or whatever, he can, just don't tell me because I get jealous :P Perhaps one of these options would work for you? Your man is very unlikely to change, and it neednt be an issue unless he replaces your sex life with porn!

There is plenty of porn that is not 'degrading to women' per se ... but that doesn't mean that the porn 'actresses' are exactly happy about the situation they're in.

Ask yourself this question: would you work in the porn industry? Would you want your daughter to? And if not, why not?

If you, yourself, wouldn't do it, then spare a thought for the woman who does think it is a good life choice. And think about how far removed your life must be from hers.

And then think about the porn she is making, and whether it is really someone you can still get off on.

Does he pick porn over you, or does he just watch it when he's horny and you're not around? I think if you watch it together, it's a bit unfair to complain about him watching it on his own. It would be different if you had a moral objection to it, but as you watch it yourself, that's obviously not the case.

Oh, and being a "red-blooded male" is not an excuse or reason to watch porn. Not all men like porn and there are plenty of women who like it just as much or more than some blokes.

Yes I masturbate but don't use porn, I have watched it a couple times on my own but felt a bit ashamed...I dunno it's not that I feel sorry for the women, it was their career choice after all and they knew what they were getting into, but it's just so slaggy and violent and uncaring. I guess if I can just laugh about that and see the distinction between porn and relationship sex I can get over it. OH confided to me that he had had problems feeling horny after a bad relationship break up about 4yr ago (I think he was depressed) so maybe he uses it more now because of that. I'm not sure I'm
confident enough to watch it with him, maybe, I guess I'm
scared he'd be looking at the TV all the time

No he doesn't pick porn over me, he watches it when I'm not there but makes a point of saying that he enjoys watching it. The continuous emails with naked women asking him to visit their webpage are a bit annoying

Porn is a deal breaker here.

For BOTH of us.

As someone else said, it doesn't matter what we think, it's what you think that matters.

If you haven't got a problem with him watching it, then that's fine, but if he's upsetting you by constantly bringing it up you have to ask him why he does that - does he not realise it upsets you and is trying to be honest? or is he doing it to get a reaction?

He won't be asking for those emails to come through every 5mins. I've signed up to plenty of non porn sites that have spammed me ever since.

If he did it and just didn't bring it up would you feel better. I don't think there's any such thing as normal but I do think it's quite common.
I think communication is the key here, it's good that's he's being honest, but now you have to be honest with him

ask him to stop going on about watching porn if it bothers you

The porn watching aside itself aside, junk emails aren't much of an indicator that you watch that type of porn or any type of porn in the cases of some people. I get continually spammed after making the mistake of entering various competitions on facebook and other sites.

I def don't watch bestiality and need my penis enhanced!

Branleuse, OP can't ask him to stop watching it as she admits she atches some and enjoys it. She can suggest watching together instead but she can't say 'you can't but I still want to be able to.'

I agree with Thatisall, he's been honest now you need to be honest and explain how you feel to him.

And yes, prety much all porn will be cringey in some ways as it follows all the clichés.

I dunno it's not that I feel sorry for the women, it was their career choice after all and they knew what they were getting into

Some women did, perhaps. Not all women in the porn industry are their because they have made an active, positive choice. The question is, how do you know the difference? Just a thought.

He could still watch it and you wouldnt know so is it not better that hes been honest about it?tell him youve got a problem with it but if he wants to you cant stop him from doing so.Maybe he will just not make it obvious that he is.