to be worried about whether it's safe for DP to cosleep with DS?

[slightlygoostained]

DS is 14 months and has slept in our bed since birth. I'm due to go away for 3 nights next week, and am nervous about how safe it will be for DS to sleep next to his father when I'm not there.

All the information I'm finding about cosleeping unsurprisingly focuses on newborns - and is quite consistent that it's safe to bedshare with a breastfeeding mother, not the father, not a heavy sleeper and not someone very tired.

DP is most of those things (plus overweight though we have a futon so there's no risk of the bed sagging for DS to roll into him IYSWIM), & might in addition be tired if DS takes a while to settle. But I have no idea of whether they matter now that DS is older.

DP is very dismissive, and thinks I'm making a fuss over nothing. I think he's looking forward to cuddles as DS normally sleeps on my side so he feels he missesout. But I don't want to risk it if it's not safe.

Am I worrying unnecessarily, is this only really an issue for tiny babies?

I've done this with both mine. What I did was keep them higher than me in the bed so my head was near their feet. I would have described myself as hefty, very tired but I don't drink.

Get him to not use a pillow, and to use a blanket or 2 rather than a thick duvet.

FWIW I'm not sure I'd be happy about DD co-sleeping with anyone else though, I'd not trust them to wake easily enough, but then I'm a lone parent so not sure how easily other people wake.
I'm just going by friends stories of their DP's sleeping through screaming fits in the same room!

Has DS got one of those baby grobags? If so, get your DH to put it on him and put him on top of the duvet and DH underneath so DS doesn't overheat. I'd also ask your DH not to drink.
I'm sure he'll be fine, he's not a tiny baby. I co slept with both mine and my very large DH didn't cause a problem apart from waking them up with his snoring.

I would feel the same as you op dd2 cosleeps and I worry when DMIL or DH have to have her overnight

I work shift work and my DH co-sleeps with our DD, who is 16 months. He positions the pillows "lengthways" at the edge of the bed and rolls up a throw and positions this at the edge of the bed (kind of where I normally sleep) DD then sleeps next to him... Never had any issues and she sleeps fine!!

DD co-slept with her dad as a newborn while I was suffering horrendous PND, he woke at every snuffle, she was breastfed at the time though so brought to me. She still occasionally co-sleeps with just DH to give me a night off (I'm very lucky!). But if your DH is a heavy sleeper, fidgets a lot, or gets very hot at night I'd not be happy with it.

We've got blankets rather than duvet on the bed already, & DS has a grobag. Bed is low enough that it's not a problem.

I don't know if DP will wake up easily, that's the thing. DS doesn't wake that much & when he does it's for a bf so I do it all.

Maybe I should sleep in the spare room tonight as a trial.

A trial sounds like a good idea

Good idea. And maybe have a sippy cup of water by the bed for DH to offer him if he wakes up thirsty.