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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dig out my judgy-pants here?

35 replies

MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 10:14

I do try not to judge, honest (at least out loud) but this really got my goat yesterday. We passed a car with a woman smoking in it and a toddler in the backseat. The car was stationary so she could have got out, as it was she had the window cracked about 4 inches so she could chuck out her fag ash but was making no effort to at least breathe out of the gap. Now, I'm not a fan of smoking in general, but each to their own as long as it's not near me or my children and I can even understand people who smoke and have children if they are making an effort to do it away from them - outside for example. But smoking in cars with a child in it? How hard is it to get out (yes, I know she could have had a hidden disability....but there was no blue badge that I could see, and even so....) or to wait until you have got home?

This has probably been done to death, but I don't care - I need to vent a bit. I've seen people driving and smoking with children in the car but never anyone stopped and could therefore be doing it outside. My little-used (honest) judgy pants are currently giving me a wedgie.....

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 10:15

And it may well actually be stationery, not stationary - I can never remember which is which!

OP posts:
fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 10:16

YANBU. I am a Filthy Social Outcast (in other words, a smoker Grin) but I make sure I never smoke around kids. If I'm smoking walking down the road and I see a parent and child heading my way, I make sure I get well out of their path.

YDdraigGoch · 30/10/2013 10:17

I think stationary is right - but prepared to be corrected!

I too silently judge - but each to his own. Is smoking in the car worse than smoking in the same room at home?

Poor kid!

fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 10:18

PS: stationary is still/unmoving, stationery is paper and envelopes. Smile

loveandsmiles · 30/10/2013 10:20

YANBU!

PS. stationary for stopped, stationery with the 'e' in it for envelopes etc Smile

Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 10:21

It looked right....

And i would find smoking in the same room at home rather judge-worthy too, tbh. But because a car is smaller there's even less space to escape, and the child was in his seat directly behind her.... Very very selfish.

Not filthy outcast at all fanjo - addictions are addictions for a reason....I certainly don't judge smokers in general.

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 10:21

So I was right! Phew! (And thanks for the envelope tip...that will help).

OP posts:
ZombieRevengeWiggle · 30/10/2013 10:23

YANBU, it's horrible, my parents used to do this in the car and in the house and my younger sibling has terrible asthma as a result. No excuse for it.

Crowler · 30/10/2013 10:28

Oh, I have such good memories of my dad smoking in the car, listening to the CB (do you call it this here? those things that police and truckers use to stay in touch pre-mobile phones?) and my sister PUKING all over me when we used to go on family road trips when I was little.

Why anyone would do this is beyond me. My dad denies he ever did this.

fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 10:29

I totally agree about smoking at home. My father (the less said about him the better in general) used to smoke up to 60 a day in the house before my parents split up. He refused to open the window and was generally a massive you-know-what about it. My mum and younger sister were both badly asthmatic.

That's one of the reasons I never smoke in the same house as kids, and never would. I could never be so goddamn selfish.

I know this makes me a judgmental sod, but I do get the hump when I see a parent clutching their kid's hand while puffing on a cig at the same time. Obviously I keep quiet as it is none of my business whatsoever, but it makes me uncomfortable.

Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 11:02

I'm glad it's not just me (I didn't think I would be alone though!) - but I guess it would take a brave person to come and say that they didn't see the problem, and that surely it's fine!

Uncomfortable - definitely.

OP posts:
Beccagain · 30/10/2013 11:11

I just want to say thank you for caring about the correct spelling of stationary. You are a fine person and ipso facto cannot be unreasonable about anything (and especially not about smoking in cars)

Flowers
fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 11:12

MakeHay - I'm glad to see it's not just me, too!

Sorry if my last post sounded like I was trying to make it all about me, I genuinely didn't mean it that way. Smile I just get a bit of The Rage about this. I'd never smoke in the same house or car as my kids, or nieces and nephews.

I think you are being entirely reasonable, and I share your sentiments.

fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 11:13

... or anyone else's kids!

fanjofarrow · 30/10/2013 11:15

with, not as. Just realised how badly that post could be misread. Grin Think I've been up too long on the night shift!

OMFGShockHorror · 30/10/2013 11:22

Do you judge parents that smoke while walking and pushing a pushchair with toddler in it? I see that sometimes and usually they have the hood down or rain cover on so I don't judge.

I would judge anyone who smokes inside a car with kids in. YANBU.

Crowler · 30/10/2013 11:47

I judge the pushchair and smoking. So gross.

Theodorous · 30/10/2013 11:55

I agree, not judgey pants at all.
Beccagain, what a lovely post!

3littlefrogs · 30/10/2013 12:01

I once grabbed a small child almost out from under the wheels of a bus.
His mother/carer was so busy lighting her fag she wasn't bothering to hold his hand or watch him.
There is a certain type of person who puts their needs and wants above everyone and everything else.

Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 12:12

Why thank you, Becca. I am a secret pedant, and not being able to spell something drives me a bit crackers....but now I have a way of remembering it!

OMFG I don't tend to judge pushchair pushers - if the child is facing away and has a hood down then effort has been made to protect them, so it doesn't really cross my radar.

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 30/10/2013 12:14

3littlefrogs that's horrifying! And scary, I hope the mother/carer was exceedingly grateful.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/10/2013 12:16

My mum used to smoke in the car - both my parents did, but dad managed to give up smoking, so after that it was just mum. In fact, dad used to smoke his pipe in the car!

I absolutely hated it - it made me feel so ill - sick and headache-y - but when I finally plucked up the courage to ask mum not to smoke in the car, because it made me feel so grim, she refused. ShockAngry

HorryIsUpduffed · 30/10/2013 13:09

I remember that stationery comes from a stationer. Then the rule also applies to confectionery (not -ary) which comes from a confectioner.

Smoking in cars with passengers isn't allowed if they're work vehicles (even if two smokers are travelling together) so I don't see why that couldn't be extended to private cars too.

TheKnightsWhoSayNi · 30/10/2013 13:14

I too am a disgusting black lunged, fowl breathed creature of the abyss (a smoker Grin, but no, I never smoke around children. In a car or in a house. I don't get the need to smoke in the car in general.

You can either get out or wait until you stop. Seriously, stop every couple of hours for five minutes if you have to - you're supposed to in order to help concentrate on driving anyway, right?

It's people like this that make us smokers look even worse than we are. Angry

Handbagsonnhold · 30/10/2013 13:22

Yanbu it's purely rank Confused

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