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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu

16 replies

precious2 · 30/10/2013 09:54

Aibu to ask my partner to hoover the sitting room at 7.30 whilst I give 2 babies thier breakfast?. Im a sahm which I get I should do the cleaning and things as he works 5 days a week but I clean the house every day do all chores cooking ect. This was a one off as ds got his breakfast everywhere and I was busy feeding 8 month old and I didnt want to get my 2 year old out his chair until it was cleaned up as he would of just messed on so I asked my partener nicely could he do it amd he refused saying think like 'no thats not my job im going to work soon ect' and my reply was 'im busy with your dd it will take you 2 mims' so after about 5 mins of a argumemt he did it and now for days he wont shut up about it. Was I wrong to ask him to help me for 5 mins?

OP posts:
mumaa · 30/10/2013 10:10

YANBU

You asked him to do something that needed done right then, as you were busy dealing with your 2 DC. Can't believe he said "it's not my job!"

Mia4 · 30/10/2013 10:10

It would be fair enough for him to need to rush to work, or be getting ready for it- if he needs to catch a train for example and is on a tight schedule then i can understand saying 'i'm sorry but i really have no time' after all you could keep DCs in their chairs and do while he's off running for it.

However if he's not going to be late and on a tight schedule then he's being very unreasonable not to help for a few minutes and YADNBU about the 'it's not my job' part, he's an idiot for saying that. Fair enough,' I can't sorry but i'm running late or on tight schedule but your job? Fuck that shit, you my take over doing the housework because it works in your couple but it's not your 'job'. You'd get money and unnecessary training if it was.

YWNBU to ask him and he sounds like the more nobby 'it's not my job, I'm above that' type rather then the 'really sorry but i can't miss my train' type who would normally help. The fact he's still going on about it needs to be nipped in the bud. He sounds self-absorbed and selfish. I can't give advice about what to do because it would involve telling him he's being a knob and throwing his toys from the pram but there may be others who have good advice as of how to deal with this 'child'.

Original poster
precious2 · 30/10/2013 10:24

Thanks for replys he has a car he was in no rush just sitting there waiting for time to pass. I dont mind doing it as I then no its been done properly but as a one of I was so anoyed and for to keep bringing it up he trys make me feel bad saying hes tierd and wanted to relax.

It took him 2 mins to do it.

OP posts:
OhAntiChristFENTON · 30/10/2013 10:28

When you've got a minute make him a little medal and pin it to his shirt as a reward. Might shut him up for a bit.

whysoglum · 30/10/2013 10:51

He wanted to relax!
Oh the poor mite. Heaven forbid he do something to help you out while you look after your children.
What's he like at work if his boss asks him to help with something outside his remit? "Sorry pal..not my area".

Just say it to him next time he asks you to pay for anything.
Yanbu

MrsMangoBiscuit · 30/10/2013 11:02

If you're a stay at home mum then your job is looking after the children while your partner is at work, and all that that entails. So cleaning up the mess the children make is technically part of your job. However the following things are NOT part of your job, so in your shoes I'd stop doing any of them;

  • Doing more than 50% of the housework. (50% is your partners responsibilty)
  • Cooking for your partner, or cooking more than 50% of the meals, depending on how you split it.
  • Tidying up ANYTHING for your partner.
  • Doing ANY of his laundry.
  • Contributing to the household finances.
(this list is not exhaustive, but you get the idea!)

A partnership is supposed to be just that. You're a team, and it should be give and take.

float62 · 30/10/2013 11:32

YAB(a bit)U. His response to your request re: 'your job/my job' may not be that great but was it really necessary to do the hoovering at 7.30am?

FrenchJunebug · 30/10/2013 13:41

yabu hovering at 7.30am!? think of the neighbours.

Jolleigh · 30/10/2013 17:53

The only thing I think is unreasonable is the time you're hoovering unless your house is very remote with no neighbours close by.

Other than that, I'm with the poster who said make him a chufty badge.

Kleptronic · 30/10/2013 18:30

Heh! A chufty badge, I like that. Does it mean, a badge for him 'cos he's so chuffed with himself?

Jolleigh · 30/10/2013 23:01

It does indeed Wink

HellMouthCusty · 30/10/2013 23:05

dh often gets " whaddya want a fucking medal" standardised response for his martyrdom in some parenting task

my response in your situation op - would be to tell him you dont start "work" until 9 am and you will finish "work" at 5.30

anything before and after is a joint effort

then call him fuckface

Garcia10 · 30/10/2013 23:07

I don't think you were. Sing urease able but could the hoovering not have waited? Surely it didn't need to be done immediately and if it was lunchtime and you we're on your own I'm sure you would have left it.

As others have said unless you live in a detached house 7.30 is a bit early to be hoovering.

Your DH could have been more helpful though...

Lilacroses · 30/10/2013 23:42

He was being very petty. We can all be a bit like that when stressed or tired but to go on about it for ages and to say "it's your job"!!!! Very U!!

Topseyt · 30/10/2013 23:57

He was petty to say "your job/my job" and to bang on about it for ages, but why bother hoovering at 7.30am anyway? I would wait.

WorraLiberty · 31/10/2013 00:00

Meh I would have left it til later or just got the dustpan and brush out to get the worst up.

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