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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of friend telling pointless lies!!

15 replies

xCupidStuntx · 29/10/2013 20:57

Ugh I'm so pissed off, I despise liars of any description no matter how trivial the lie but my really good friend has started to tell stupid, pointless bloody lies and I'm too mortified for her to pull her up on them!!
Before you ask how I know she's lying, I knooow! Not only is she a terrible liar but she catches herself out too and it's so embarrassing having to act like I believe it.

Today was that she bumped into this old ex (keep in mind, this is a really good friend and I thought we knew all about each others exes etc) who is in a brilliant job and married but was trying to start an affair with her.
Another common one that I really don't understand is saying she not drinking (if we're talking on the phone) when she cleeearly is, even if I'm having a few glasses myself she'll say Oh I'm not drinking tonight.

There's been a few others, usually bumping into men from her past that I've never heard of who want to start a relationship with her. Keep in mind, I don't not believe this because of the content, it's because I KNOW when she's lying and as I said has caught herself out loads of times.

I'm getting really fed up now, I can tolerate almost anything but I just hate lies! I find it so cringe worthy, AIBU to be thinking about ending a friendship over this?
I know other people can let this stuff go but it makes my skin itch it bugs me that much!

OP posts:

Thatisall · 29/10/2013 21:02

She sounds like she may have some underlying problems. Have you told her you know she often makes things up?

TopHatAndTails · 29/10/2013 21:20

If your friend has only just started doing this, is it a reaction to something else going on in her life? I would be worried if she is hiding her drinking and making up lies to make her life sound more interesting that maybe she is feeling very low and could have some mh issue. I wouldn't give up on her yet but I would try to look beyond it and see if you can find out what is really going on with her right now. I suppose it depends how close you have been as friends up to now.

CoffeeTea103 · 29/10/2013 21:29

I know exactly what you mean. I knew someone who did this. The blatant, easy provable lies that was so frustrating to listen to. You can only nod along for so long. I eventually dealt with it by challenging this person on a lie one day, even though she kept on changing the topic until I let it go but not until she knew I was on to her nonsense. Never tried this in my company again.

FreudiansSlipper · 29/10/2013 21:51

she is seeking your attention, she may not be fully aware of why

but saying she is not drinking tonight and you know she is. i think is something to do with it

Fefifo · 29/10/2013 22:59

I have a friend like this, she lies about stuff all the time for no apparent reason but she also never forgets my DCs birthdays or special occasions, is the first to offer help in times of trouble etc. so I just smile and nod and move the conversation along. Maybe one day she'll open up to me about the fact that she lies and the reasons why but in the meantime I consider her a thoroughly good person and friend and wouldn't judge her for this character flaw.

Is she a good friend to you?

Boardingblues · 29/10/2013 23:03

Fefifo, that is a really nice post!

HairyGrotter · 29/10/2013 23:30

The previous poster is spot on. Why does it bother YOU so much? Folk exaggerate or bend the truth, if it doesn't involve of effect you, why does it grate so much?

I find those who get so 'arrrgghh' about it more odd than those that lie a bit

Spongingbobsunderpants · 29/10/2013 23:37

She might lie from low self esteem - a little lie might make her feel temporarily more confident or interesting, or maybe is just a vicarious way to live a life she knows she won't, or can't. OP do all her lies make her look 'good' or more interesting by any chance?

Original poster

xCupidStuntx · 29/10/2013 23:52

fefifo she really is a good friend, that's why I find it such a tough situation. There's no venom in her lies, it's just tiring having to play along.

hairy it bothers me because sometimes this will be a forty minute conversation and I may aswell be at a drama class because I know I'm listening to lies, but mainly because she is my friend and I love her so I can't understand why she has to lie to me. Do you really find it that strange that it would bother me?

sponging Yeah the lies are absolutely always to make her look desirable, interesting etc. I just don't see why she has to lie to me though, I do think she's great when she's not spinning these porkies!

OP posts:

mynewpassion · 30/10/2013 03:50

I would tell her to be careful about stretching the truth about married exes who was trying to start an affair with her when its not the true because it will hurt innocent people. These lies have consequences if it gets back to the wife and the ex.

Lying about drinking is negligible. Annoying but harmless. Lying about someone pursuing an affair is not on.

CanucksoontobeinLondon · 30/10/2013 04:19

YANBU. I have a friend who routinely stretches the truth and it drives me a little bonkers sometimes. However, she's always been that way, whereas with your friend it sounds like it's a brand new development. It's harder to adapt to a sudden new behaviour in an old friend than to have always known that this person is economical with the truth, and to have gotten used to it over the years.

Has anything big happened to her lately? Job loss, bereavement, end of relationship, an ex taking up with someone new? Has she recently put on weight, perhaps? Some people get really upset about that and convinced they're undesirable because of it. I'm just wondering what might be causing her to try and make her life out to be more glamorous than it really is. If so, this could be a temporary thing, with her just reacting to stress in a weird way.

Obviously, if it doesn't die down of its own accord, eventually you're going to have to tackle her. I would pitch it as you being worried about her, rather than accusatory. MyNewPassion also has a good idea, in pointing out that she's harming the reputations of these men who are supposedly pursuing her. What if untrue gossip got back to their wives, etc.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 30/10/2013 06:19

I had a friend who told lies.

He was an alcoholic (but I didn't realise at the time) who'd tell me about all of the women he had fawning over him.

I knew it wasn't true. He'd let himself go and became grubby and unattractive and think it was an ego thing.

I'm also very certain he was gay but hadn't admitted it to himself yet (his dad was a cannon) - although I think towards the end of our friendship he smartened himself up and the new male 'friend' he kept dropping into conversations was more than a friend.

I was friends with him for 12 years and never saw him with a girlfriend but he'd tell me constant tales of how he had sex in a left that morning with 'the new girl'.

I think he just wanted people to think he was desireable. Which he was. He was a good friend and a nice bloke. Insecurity and alcohol stole him though.

It was sad. I do miss him though.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 30/10/2013 06:20

By 'cannon' I mean a priest, not a medieval weapon!

Ememem84 · 30/10/2013 06:47

A colleague of mine does this. It's always about really material things. It's annoying.

FoxyHarlow123 · 30/10/2013 07:33

I know someone who does it too. Always embellishing the truth and changes the story every time she tells someone else. So was it 50 quid or 100 quid you spent? Cos even you don't seem to remember anymore. Seems its just a habit she can't shake now but it's damn annoying, so I share your frustration.

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