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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to fling all baby books over nearest hedge?

47 replies

Rollermum · 29/10/2013 14:30

Previously in my life I always research everything online and with books. I've done the same now I have a DD. As she is 5 weeks old I am aware it is too early to try any advice really, let alone routines on sleep etc, but am reading to prepare myself.

BUT all of it just seems / feels unfeasible and I've read so much contradictory stuff that I just feel confused and exasperated.

AIBU to think I should ignore everything or will there come a point where some of it will help. I'm very sleep deprived and would like to be able to sleep for 3+ hrs one day! Other than that I don't care about routine.

Any books you loved and found useful? And before I get flamed I know every baby is different - just want a handle on whether searching for an answer is pointless.

OP posts:

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 29/10/2013 21:37

Burn them don't chuck them!

They will all make you feel not good enough, bad, guilty and stupid. All rely on their wonder method being followed meticulously or else it doesn't work and they make those that follow into semi religious type nutters whittering endlessly on about how marvellous said book author is so long as every nauseating detail is followed.

Trust your baby. She's the best teacher. Promise!

stickysausages · 29/10/2013 21:40

I wish I'd read what mothers do when ds was tiny!

Agree, pick & choose & throw Gina Ford!

ChipAndSpud · 29/10/2013 21:47

I found "What to Expect The First Year" very good, DM bought it for me and said it most closely resembled the advice she would give!

The toddler book is also good and it helps to know I'm not a bad mum for getting frustrated at times and the books always has different ideas and explains how their brains work!

QueenMedb · 29/10/2013 22:57

I read absolutely everything from the British Journal of Gynaecology to Ina May Gaskin during my pregnancy. As soon as my baby was born, I stopped reading anything remotely baby-related, and I don't regret it. The one book I did like (because it's not a how-to book, it's about how such books undermine mothers' self-confidence, and how uncertainty is actually a very good point of departure for getting to know an individual baby) is Naomi Stadlen's What Mothers Do.

paperdress · 29/10/2013 23:30

Please dont touch gina ford with a bargepole.
Most are contradictory money spinners but i found 'what to expect year one' & stadlen's 'what mothers do, especially when it looks like nothing' great and worthwhile to have. Esp as the latter focusses on you and not the baby.
Btw, you sound v with-it & functional for someone in the early weeks 'tunnel'- well done!

ImagineJL · 29/10/2013 23:38

Penelope Leach "your baby and child". It's a fantastic book, and she's been a childcare guru for decades. She's had several kids herself, really knows what she's talking about. But you won't find plans and methods in her books, as she appreciates that babies are not machines and they are all different. She just gives gentle calm and well-informed advice about the early weeks/months/years. It's a big tome but covers up to age 5, and is designed for use as a reference book, not to be read from cover-to-cover.

I would advise using books for reference, friends and MN for sharing experience, and your own (and your baby's) judgement for knowing what to do day to day. Go with the flow, in my opinion it's the best way.

Lazyjaney · 30/10/2013 00:12

They are all mutually contradictory, which says it all really. Follow your instincts and do anything you have to - anything, even it's you v baby - to get enough sleep.

Thurlow · 30/10/2013 07:51

Ignore everything that anyone tells you. That includes the books... and posters who says to read books... and posters who say to ignore books... and posters who say you can do it all merely in instinct... and posters who say just follow your baby's routine...

Seriously, not everyone has instincts. I followed my 'instincts' for the first week or so and it was an utter disaster!

TheBigBangFairy · 30/10/2013 08:12

It's completely about finding the book that fits your baby (should one exist) and not trying to fit your baby around a book (that way lies misery for all).

The latter part of the above works literally too...

Meringue33 · 30/10/2013 08:26

Chuck em! Or just see them as a source of the occasional useful suggestion, rather than instructions which must be followed!

Afaik there is no genuine tried and tested method of making babies sleep. If there was, we would all be doing it by now!

Most babies sleep through by one, I understand. My LO has just done three nights in a row for the first time ever! He is 9 1/2 months.

Hang in there and grab as much kip as you possibly can... It will pass. Hugs.

BeansAndCheese · 30/10/2013 08:58

I have a baby book. I don't know it says because I haven't read it yet. Dd is nearly 2 so probably missed the boat on that one.

Original poster

Rollermum · 30/10/2013 09:12

Hey everyone, thanks for thoughts. Consensus seems to be ignore on the while but take bits that make sense to me.

I have ordered What Mothers Do because sounds interesting and not straightforward advice.

And thanks Paperdress for saying I sound fubcti

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Original poster

Rollermum · 30/10/2013 09:12

...functional!

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/10/2013 10:03

The only baby book I recommend is 'How Not To Be A Perfect Mother' by Libby Purves - it is full of advice gleaned from her own experience and that of her friends, and the advice is very common-sense, and it is funny too.

But the basic premise is that you don't have to be perfect - it doesn't matter if the baby is wearing a disposable nappy, and his older brother's jumper with the sleeves rolled up - as long as he is fed, clean(ish) and happy. And even a perfect madonna needs half an hour off, with her feet up, a drink and a good book.

Original poster

Rollermum · 31/10/2013 11:10

Yes! I have read this one and it is very reassuring and funny. The bit about wearing a toddlers hat casually before going out so they will want to wear it made me chuckle.

Weirdly my childless make friend recommended it. He has been working abroad in a country without many English books and he'd read it because it was there

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Original poster

Rollermum · 31/10/2013 11:11

Male

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/10/2013 11:16

I first read it long before I had children - I was lodging with a friend who had it on her bookshelf, and the title just grabbed me.

TheSurgeonsMate · 31/10/2013 11:24

I found an old "to do" list from my dds early weeks with "buy a better book" as one of the items to do. I don't think I ever did get a better one...

Treadmillmom · 31/10/2013 11:28

I know exactly what you mean OP coupled with unasked for advice from mom's and mom-in-law's.
I learnt to trust my instinct and picked whatever advice I felt would work for me and baby.
However, the only true gems I got from a book (the notorious Gina Ford) was teaching baby the difference between night and day.
Night time feeds done in total darkness, no talking, no playing, no fuss. Feed, wind, nappy change (if needed) and straight into moses basket/cot. When they were older and weened the crying method (not everyones cuppa tea) to teach them to self soothe to sleep.
The end result? Three children that I have never had sleep issues with, ever.
DD 5, DS 8 and DS 10.

Solasum · 31/10/2013 11:35

NotyoMomma why no cot toys or mobiles? They are about the only thing I do have for imminent baby arrival?

Melonbreath · 31/10/2013 11:37

Yanbu. Just wing it and do whatever works

SueDoku · 31/10/2013 12:55

Many, many years ago, when I was expecting DC1 I read a lot of books and none of them 'chimed' with how I felt - the I found a book by the wonderful Claire Rayner which sounded as though my Mum could have written it -- and that was my guide for those 'Should his poo REALLY be green..??' moments...

Find a book that 'speaks' to you and your ideas about how you want to raise your child -- then use it as a reference - not a religious text - just to help you over those '??????' moments.

Oh, and if MN had existed in those prehistoric times - I'd have been glued to it.....

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