To want to blight DS's fabulous orchestral career for the sake of my sanity?

[DrSeuss]

He's seven. He has had one lesson. He knows one, two bar piece, he plays it incessantly. Yes, it's great that he wants to learn an instrument, yes, it's great that he's enthusiastic. However, I'm currently searching for a form of words that say, DS, I adore you, I hope you one day play like Menuhin himself but for now, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Can anyone hone and refine that for me so that it strikes the appropriate balance between nurturing and the fact that I want to stick cheese in my ears?!

well.... can he not start practicing something else?

He's only had one lesson, there is no other piece!

Shall we look on the internet to see if we can find another piece using the same notes for you to try?

YABU.
Music is the food of love and they all have to start somewhere.
Buy some ear plugs if you have to, and although I know your post may be humorous, please don't put your ds off.
My dd plays 3 instruments and sings. Our home is also a music teaching premises for my dh and he plays 3 instruments.
I promise you eventually you will subconsciously tune out to the beautiful noise your ds is making

I have no intention of putting him off! He also does trumpet, piano and recorder. Someone said something about a practice mute?

I hear you. Ds has just started the chanter ( for the bagpipes). He is practising 'grace notes' ( whatever they are) . It is pa-in-fu-lllll..

I'm afraid it's cheese ears for you and you know it.

this too will pass........

DS1 plays the oboe and the first few weeks were painful to say the very least

My dd is learning the cornet. Tbf she is pretty good and has been asked to play in assembly on Remembrance day and i know I could not do it (tickles my lips). However could they not have given her a quieter instrument?!
Also when i can hear spittle inside it, it actually makes me gag (my dad was in fits the other day at me trying not to puke when she was playing-i had to leave the room)

but does he not have a book or something he is learning from? could you go onto the next page?
or get him to make something else up using what he has learned so faR?

The first few weeks of music lessons are painful...usually for all concerned.

Can he go and practice in his room with the door shut?

As for DS, I adore you, I hope you one day play like Menuhin himself but for now, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

How about:

'Honey you're doing really well and I'm proud of you, but you need to have a break from that now and do some reading/playing/whatever.'

No book, just sheets.

Tilly, it's condensation not saliva! It does sound disgusting though (DSs both play brass). Has the teacher shown your DD how to clear water out of the valves and slides? It prevents corrosion as well as sounding a lot nicer!

Am I the only one who doesn't find this a problem? Music is a really important thing for children to be introduced to and a few dodgy noises really aren't that much of a problem.

I feel your pain,.
We're 3 weeks in with flute lessons.
At least she can get a nice note out of it - problem is, at the moment it's the same 4 notes. Over and over again.

Other DD is practising for Grade 4 piano. It's more tuneful but equally repetitious. I've not touched our piano in 20 years but could probably play her pieces by ear, I have heard them so many times.

And still I smile and encourage.

My DF said it was the happiest day of his life when I gave up the violin in favour of the flute.

Earplugs? Or those earphones which cut out sound?

Cello - much less painful.

You don't live on a corner next to a mini roundabout do you, molding?

YABU. And stealth boasting.

Earplugs. And be thankful it's not the trumpet. I know whereof I speak.

Btdt got the t shirtx3 and so many instruments I can't count!

Just try to love the enthusiasm and help with bits that are more "enthusiastic" than accurate if you can...

In the (relative) blink if an eye your diary will be full of opportunity for great parental proudness :).

Then they'll fly the nest and silly moments like we had over the summer (a rendition of the queen of the night aria in 3octaves simultaneously over tea , if you must know! Could barely eat for crying with laughter) will be gone , sniffle....

But my eldest is taking her music off into her future, and the others will too.

And it all started with a shrill huff down a recorder , and hilarious farting down a trumpet.

Tilly, I just came on to say the same as Anna.

She needs to warm it up by blowing through it ( not sounding a note) then blow the condensation out with the water keys, then play it, and clear the condensation out every few minutes if it's in a cold room.

< has an awful memory of a junior windband contest in a truly freezing village hall, the area around the brass section was swimming in the baled out condensation, to the point of being a slip hazard>