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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do the same this year... And every year

14 replies

mumaa · 28/10/2013 21:43

Last Christmas was our first with DD, all family were keen to see her on the day of course. We decided to stay put with an 'open door' policy to everyone, come visit anytime, we'll be here. Some came in the morning, others came in the afternoon, in all we had 2 visitors Xmas eve and about 16 on Xmas day, just visiting, didn't have to cook for anyone. Just cups of tea and Xmas treats to snack on.

We thought it worked great, everyone got to see DD if they wanted, no obligation if they had other plans, and we got family time on Boxing Day, just us. We have a big family between us so seemed fairest way. And DH only gets Xmas day and boxing day off so we get to make most of both days.

MIL has invited us to her house again this year (she invited us last year but explained above to her). I have thanked her very much saying we really appreciate invite but will do same as last year and likely that this is what we will probably do every year so it is fair (this was said openly last year that we thought it worked well and this is what we plan to do going forward).

AIBU to stick to this idea, I don't expect anyone to visit but they are all welcome if they wish.

OP posts:
FunkyFucker · 28/10/2013 21:55

What makes you think it is unreasonable? Has MiL said anything?

HorryIsUpduffed · 28/10/2013 22:01

Depends how far away they are - can she abandon her sprout-peeling to nip round for half an hour, or is it a substantial round trip?

If you all live in the same town, YANBU.

Actually, fuck it. YANBU to have Christmas at home when your DC are small.

Original poster
mumaa · 28/10/2013 22:05

Actually funky the exact opposite. She invited us (but sent to me) via text, didn't respond to my text turning down the invite. Didn't have to of course, so doesn't mean anything in itself. But we already said this is what we would be doing so not sure if she's invited us just incase we changed our mind or because she thinks we did that last year so should be doing something else this year.

Got the cogs turning, ha so just wondered what others thought, I thought it seemed fair. I'm not a huge Xmas fan but is a really big deal to mil. Have tried to do what is fairest though as we have others to consider.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumaa · 28/10/2013 22:08

Ha horry I like it! Mil is 15 min walk away as is my DM, all fairly close by, furthest away is 30 mins by car but like I say don't expect anyone, just only way to fit everyone in IF they want to

OP posts:
YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 28/10/2013 22:10

NUR at all. it sounds lovely actually. i'd like to do that but i'd end up on my own (except for the dog) all xmas day as the dcs would go to their dad's and I have no partner and no-one would visit.

ok ok put your violins away. i'm not at all sad about that Grin I go to my mum's for a delicious xmas dinner that I could never in a million years produce.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 28/10/2013 22:16

Sounds like a great idea!

She may have invited you so you didn't feel left out if she was inviting everyone else.

pianodoodle · 28/10/2013 22:30

When I was a child Christmas was always at home as a family.

We do the same now we have a child (soon to be children!) and it works for us.

It's nice the kids can get up and open presents then spend the day playing with them not being ferried around :)

Also you can tell everyone the same thing (we're staying at home) so no putting anyone out or having to choose one set of parents over another/take it in turns every year.

My parents are happy we do this, DH's not quite so much (despite them having family Christmases themselves when DH was young) but they know the score. We see them on boxing day.

Funghoul · 29/10/2013 00:58

This year is our first Christmas with dd and this is our plan. Suspect mil is not happy with it and she is clearly expecting an invite for Xmas dinner but told her straight, no. IMO this is the only way we can be fair to everyone who wants to see dd without spending all day driving around town to see everyone.

MidniteScribbler · 29/10/2013 01:57

I think that doing christmas your way is fine. But I would stop using the word 'fair'. It's not really 'fair' if everyone always has to travel to you, and you never have to travel to them. Be as selfish as you like and have the christmas you want, but don't try and dress it up as fair to everyone, because it isn't.

2rebecca · 29/10/2013 08:24

I agree that I think many families with young children have a more pleasant xmas if they stay in their own home. I also agree that how fair it is depends on whether everyone else wants to travel to visit you at xmas and is upset about not having an extended family xmas dinner.
It suits you which is reason enough but it isn't fair it's just doing xmas the way you want to do xmas.
As long as no-one in the extended family is stuck on their own (having a spouse doesn't count as being on your own) then everyone doing their own thing is fine in my opinion.

MadeOfStarDust · 29/10/2013 08:39

Another one who thinks it is fine - but don't say it is "fair"....

Christmas is not just about your child.... it sounds a bit like you are imposing what Christmas will be like on all the family.... never mind if they might want to do something differently - families usually compromise...

you are basically saying we know you are only 30 min max away, but come to us, or you won't see us, oh, and we won't be feeding you a meal ..... I can see why folks would get a bit peeved....

Original poster
mumaa · 29/10/2013 13:54

Perhaps I need another word, we have 4 'sets' of parents, both my parents and DH's are divorced. All of them want us to 'come to them' for Xmas. We have spent the last 8 years prior to DD
arriving traveling round all 4 in one day to keep them all happy (and we didn't manage that as of course we could still only have 1 meal so had to rotate who that would be with) Prior to meeting DH I did the same with my parents so spent every Xmas at DM's in morning & DF's in afternoon or vice versa. I have done my fair share of travelling on the day and don't want to spend the rest of our days doing a 4 yearly rotation if we can help it.

I say fair as we are not excluding anyone. Family politics and certain people not speaking to others does not allow me to have them all for a meal. Our door is open but that said, once my mum decides 'I'm going to pop round at 10', for example, I will need to tell my dad the afternoon will be better as mum is coming in the morning and we have the same thing on DHs side. I don't dictate to anyone but once certain people have confirmed when they will be coming other people will have to be advised as they want to avoid certain parties. This isn't my choice, it is theirs and again, I don't expect anyone to come, I organised this last year based on the fact all GPs wanted to see DD on her first Xmas, this may not be such a big deal for them this year, but I say fair as we are not prioritising anyone over anyone else and no one is excluded.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/10/2013 13:58

mumma under the circumstances it sounds the best way forward!

Katienana · 29/10/2013 15:14

YANBU, I would do exactly the same in your position. It's not like any of them have to travel miles. It's not fair on young kids to be dragging them round on Christmas day when they just want to play with their toys!

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