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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you should over food and drink at a kids party?

80 replies

Daddypigsgusset · 27/10/2013 22:21

I took ds to his friends party tonight. It was in a labour club thing. No party food provided and no drinks, not even for the kids. Had to buy from the bar and some parents had brought no money. Aibu to think that a few sandwiches and a carton of juice are a given at kids party? Twas very strange :-S

OP posts:

lottieandmia · 28/10/2013 09:54

YANBU. Who are these people who have these horrible parties? If food isn't provided then it is not a party.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/10/2013 09:56

You give gifts out of the goodness of your heart. You don't "expect" anything back. You don't give a present in exchange for food that's not what it's about.

If they are grabby bastards then that's how they are, not the girls fault and I'd hope that no one would ruin a girls party by not showing up just because of the parents.

Maybe they were really really skint. They might have got the venue for nothing through a friend or relative. At least your children had food to go home to, try seeing it from a different side.

This school thing is hard, a lot of oresdure to keep up with the parties. All these halls and entertainers etc , no one wants to be the only one not having a party.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/10/2013 09:57

Pressure

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/10/2013 09:57

And maybe their home isn't somewhere they can invite people back to.

lottieandmia · 28/10/2013 10:07

'You give gifts out of the goodness of your heart. You don't "expect" anything back. You don't give a present in exchange for food that's not what it's about.'

I agree, but from a hosting point of view you do not invite people to a party where there is no food, you just don't. It's very rude. If you cannot afford it then don't do it! The point of a party is for all the children to be able to enjoy themselves together. If you treat your guests badly it will only be a reflection on your child who has no control of the situation.

WooWooOwl · 28/10/2013 10:09

Them they shouldn't send out invitations Giles.

Of course you give gifts out of the goodness of your heart, but lets not pretend that normal social expectations don't exist. It would be rude to turn up to a party without a gift for the host, and it's rude for a host to not even provide drinks.

mrsjay · 28/10/2013 10:12

they could have bought one of those big bottles of squash and made up jugs of juice it is strange my relative said oh well the party is after lunch and before tea they wont be hungry

Chusband · 28/10/2013 10:18

You went to a wedding that provided no food or drink? I need to hear more about that please!

aquashiv · 28/10/2013 10:20

No cake?

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/10/2013 10:25

I'm not saying these social expectations don't exist. I'm just asking that people stop and think for a second. Ok so they didn't do what any of you would have done , but would you all seriously want people instantly thinking the worst of you. How is it in every other thread people frown upon others who make judgements , who complain that there wasbt XYZ . They might be everything others have said. Or a million things might have gone wrong resulting in their being no food. Or they really might be so skint that they just hoped to god that people would be kind enough to not make judgements and to be a bit understanding and allow a little girl to celebrate her birthday.

mrsjay · 28/10/2013 10:27

TBF I dont think people are judging harshly just find it odd that there was no food or drink at a birthday party because it is quite strange , yes the people maybe skint etc

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 28/10/2013 10:27

We went to one wedding that provided no food or drink at all and another that invited 150 people and paid for a buffet for 50. The bride maintains that the 100 people who didn't get fed were lying. No, we were stood at the bar dying of thirst love and it was all gone within 2 minutes! People were so pissed off with that one as it was in a fancy hotel with v.expensive photographer and a £1000 cake! Which nobody got a piece of, they took it home as they didn't want it to get wasted I will never understand people like that. If guests are so insignificant to them, why bother inviting anyone at all?

OP posts:

DownstairsMixUp · 28/10/2013 10:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 28/10/2013 10:40

Im guessing that they just aren't used to throwing parties and don't know what people normally provide.

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 28/10/2013 10:52

Through the power of somebody adding photos on Facebook I think I have solved the mystery.
They seem to have done a double party with their other child.
It seems the sibling's party was held first, complete with buffet and fruit shoots from what I can see in the background. This must have been demolished before the second party begun. Why not keep half back for the second lot of guests? Or do a quick dash home for nibbles and cordial once they realised? Queer buggers as my nanna would say!

OP posts:

mrsjay · 28/10/2013 10:54

oh god sake that is worse the 2nd child was meant to get leftovers and there was none poor birthday child as well as her guests .

TwoTearsInABucket · 28/10/2013 10:55

That is a bit rubbish!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 28/10/2013 10:59

Ah poor second child! You'd send someone out for pizzas wouldn't you? And order all the kids drinks at the bar!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 28/10/2013 11:00

Or at least apologise and explain to the parents!

lottieandmia · 28/10/2013 12:38

Ah, so it was a case of poor organisation really. The wedding story is shocking

fifi669 · 28/10/2013 13:16

Did the first siblings guests get all the party bags too?

Original poster

Daddypigsgusset · 28/10/2013 15:22

I assume they must have! Wonder if they got a piece of cake too or if they shared the same one?
I've just worked out though, our party started at 4. The previous one must have finished at 3.30ish, assuming it was 2.5 hours long also, It would've started at 1. Giving them enough time between seeing all the kids for the first party vs the food and realizing the wouldn't be enough for the second lot needing feeding 4 hours later. Very poor, there were enough rellies and parent's friends to slip out and sort it within that 4 hour window.
I reckon they must do this every year and that's why loads didn't go. Around 8 from the class there opposed to the usual 15-20.

OP posts:

squoosh · 28/10/2013 15:36

What tightarsed, cheeky skinflints!

One kid got the grub and the other kid got the venue.

haggisaggis · 28/10/2013 15:39

Maybe it was one of these 2 tier parties you hear of on here and some kids got invited to both parties and some only to the 2nd one?!

CombineBananaFister · 28/10/2013 16:30

I agree that you shouldn't give to receive but I also don't think you should call something a party if it doesn't have the most basic things expected at a party i.e. refreshments.
Maybe word the invite differently, 'would you like to come and celebrate DDs birthday at labour club. There will be dancing and fun. Refreshments can be purchased from the bar'. At least that way you can plan your own childs food intake accordingly for before/after and come prepared with money.
Like I said, fair enough if they were skint the little girl should still be able to have a nice day. Plus I don't know anyone who wouldn't still take a gift based on the lack of free amazing party food. It's just about being prepared.

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