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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm going through a bad patch dp told that his friends think I need help

21 replies

Someonelistenineedafriend · 27/10/2013 20:04

I drink I will admit I'm lonely im on my own all the time and dp is normally either working or at the pub mainly at the weekends, I do everything never go out and get no help around the house or with the kids.

I'm left with the kids all the time , it has not helped I just lost my job due to redundancy, I'm gutted feel I can not provide to my own kids and I'm so lonely.

My dp's family are always here to the point they go behind my back to arrange with dp when they cometo see the kids , it's got to the point I'm thinking of leaving back to my parents so I can breathe, he told me they hate me.

Dp returned tonight to say our friends my best friend thinks I need help because I ring a lot and now don't want to hear from me .

I'm so upset I was trying to arrange a Christmas do for them as do was asked to he is going through a lot tests etc. he could not make a decision so I tried to help ,now It feels I'm not wanted so I'm cancelling I'm not going I feel so hurt and feel so betrayed.

I turned my phoned of it feels like I'm alone right now.

OP posts:

ThisWayForCrazy · 27/10/2013 20:10

He sounds like a useless cunt. I'd kick him in to touch! Wtf does he think he is doing talking negatively about you behind your back? He has very little respect for you!

I hope you feel better soon.

coppertop · 27/10/2013 20:13

Are you sure your dp is telling you the truth?

And even if all of these people were telling your dp how much they hate you/think you need help (highly unlikely), why on earth would he think it was good for you to hear that??

It sounds as though he's trying to isolate you from people around you. It looks as though his plan is working.

Can you bypass him and speak to these people alone? I think they may tell you a very different version of events.

Original poster

Someonelistenineedafriend · 27/10/2013 20:17

I feel so gutted I know. I drink more than I should I admit it but I feel like I'm heading for a breakdown my self esteem is so low right now I'm not going to even phone them I'm just going to cancel it.

We are meant to be going away with the kids I am so gutted I could cry right now.

OP posts:

xCupidStuntx · 27/10/2013 20:19

Oh my God what a nasty man!!!! I don't know what to suggest because I don't quite believe these people said things in the way he is telling you, I think he's trying to isolate you further.
Sounds like an absolute prick, I'd be asking yourself what you're doing with him!

coppertop · 27/10/2013 20:20

So he's sitting in the pub whenever he can, and people are telling him they think you are the one with the alcohol problem??

He's lying.

valiumredhead · 27/10/2013 20:20

Perhaps he's worried about the amount you drink? How much do you drink, do you think you have a problem? Do you think his parents are round all the time because you have a problem? I'm trying to see it from all angles rather than just 'he's a controlling bastard'-which of course he may well be.

Coldlightofday · 27/10/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 27/10/2013 20:22

Oh hang on, I've just read the bit where he told you your parents hate you.

I think we can go with the 'controlling bastard' option then.

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:23

Darling, your problem is your P.

I suspect that if you got rid of him and his family from your life, you would be feeling a whole lot better very quickly. i don't say this lightly, but I think this is an abusive relationship - it's not normal for a man to tell his partner that his family hate her or that all his friends think there is something wrong with her. He sounds very much like he is trying to keep you isolated.

Whose name is the house in? If yours, then kick the fucker out. If not, then yes, take the kids and go to your mum's.

I think you will then be able to sort out the drinking if this really is a problem and not just him telling you it is, while spending all his free time at the pub. He is seemingly in no position to judge.

Original poster

Someonelistenineedafriend · 27/10/2013 20:25

No his parents hate me I was yoked, not mine but mine are not ever there not even at the hospital in the waiting room when my baby is five minutes old but his is.

OP posts:

SeaSickSal · 27/10/2013 20:30

Drinking will not be helping with any of these problems. It will make you more likely to have a breakdown.

It sounds like he is behaving badly but it can be very frustrating and difficult dealing with a partner who is drinking to excess and his behaviour may well be borne out of such frustration.

I feel sorry for your kids. You drink and apparently he is not there. Sorry to sound harsh but you need to pull yourself together for their sake. Your post is very self-pitying and makes lots of excuses for your drinking. You don't mention at all how this is affecting your children or what will happen to them if you walk out.

I think you need to take a long look at yourself, stop making excuses for your drinking and get some help to stop it.

SeaSickSal · 27/10/2013 20:32

Louise the OP has said herself that she drinks too much.

I also highly suspect from her posts that she is drunk now.

spongebob13 · 27/10/2013 20:32

i'll be honest I don't understand your posts. are you drinking now? as much as I want to say "op I feel for you your dp is an ass" I also want to say" get a grip woman if you are home on your own and you drink a lot who is minding your kids?"

think you need to see a gp. forget dp. look after yourself first so you can look after your children. you need to see/speak to someone professionally and discuss your feelings. you sound clinically depressed to me and drinking is the first thing that should be addressed. but well done for recognising it is a problem ... but it needs more urgent attention.

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:33

How much are you drinking?

A man who is that worried about it, would not be spending all his weekends in the pub - he would be at home looking after his kids and trying to help you!

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:37

Maybe I phrased it badly but what I am getting at is is she really drinking too much or is he telling her that she is drinking too much as part of a wider plan to make her feel undermined and helpless and isolated. Is she taking his word for it.

But do agree that if she really does drink too much then that needs to stop asap. Think it will be easier to do that without a critical and undermining partner

Original poster

Someonelistenineedafriend · 27/10/2013 20:39

Ok I came here for help I'm not drunk or have been drinking and my kids are ok I can not believe you seasick how dare you judge me, I'm out of here don't need this .

And yes I will see a doctor so hope you are happy the on your peddle stool.

OP posts:

spongebob13 · 27/10/2013 20:41

def see someone and stay away from AIBU if you feel you cant handle some honest opinions. I was only basing my reply on your previous posts as I honestly cant make sense of them.

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:42

No one is judging you. People are trying to help you. To do that, they have to ask you stuff that you may not find comfortable to think about, but the intention is to give you the best advice we can.

Coldlightofday · 27/10/2013 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treadheavily · 27/10/2013 20:53

someone I think people are trying to be kind. I think you sound in very poor shape, very isolated and sad, and you could do with some kindness,

I think you absolutely do need help because you seem to be in a very abusive relationship.

Is there anyone at all in your life who you feel would be supportive?

breatheslowly · 27/10/2013 20:58

How old are your DC? Could you take them to your parents' house and get a bit of a break/support?

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