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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that my friendship/nice deeds go unappreciated by friends whilst they rave about things that others have done for them?

5 replies

Lekeurk · 27/10/2013 12:39

I consider myself a nice person but am fed up with being taken for granted by friends. Sorry, these things are going to be mainly FB related, but as it's such a public platform it has got to me.

Firstly, I have a group of girl friends, one of whom I've known since we were at school together, and who I consider to be one of my best friends. This morning she has shared a slogan about best friends being there for you on FB and has tagged everyone from our group of friends, plus some other friends she has, and hasn't tagged me. She always does statuses about 'looking forward to catching up with my gorgeous friend X' or whatever, yet whenever she sees me or I do any favours for her, such as babysit for her children during the holidays, she barely thanks me, let alone publically thanks me. Yet if anyone does anything for her, even lending her a book, they get thanked via FB and she goes on about what a great friend they are.

Secondly, I have a friend who has had quite a hard time recently, and I have done a lot of things for her, as have other friends. Again, other friends get thanked publically (together with a photo of the cake/flowers/card they got her) but anything I do just goes unthanked. I recently drove for an hour each way to meet up with her when she was having a down day, and when I got there she was late to meet me, and didn't thank me for travelling, nor for the coffee I got her. Yet when she meets up with anyone else she does gushy Facebook statuses about it.

Thirdly, another friend popped round the other day, and started flicking through some magazines of mine, and saying she wished she was able to stay for longer so she could read them and I said that that was fine, she could have them, as I'd read them. And again I got no thanks at all.

Is the secret just to not bother doing anything nice for anyone, ever, and to be selfish? I'm thinking maybe that would make my 'friends' appreciate me more.

OP posts:
dovaffanculo · 27/10/2013 12:48

I have found that I dont Facebook thank proper friends -just the acquaintances who 'need' the thanks if you see what I mean? I tell proper friends directly how grateful I am or buy them a thank you present or whatever. Lesser friends get a FB thanks and maybe even a wee heart icon as an added extra.

You can tell from a persons page what category they mainly fit into. Some people are always thanking and being thanked and others not so much.

Just carry on doing as you have always done and be a good proper friend.It isnt worth the worry.

SeaSickSal · 27/10/2013 12:57

I think your friends are taking the piss out of you a bit and you might be too kind for your own good so you are taken for granted.

K8eee · 27/10/2013 13:01

Oh my god I could've written this thread. Most of my friendship stuff isn't Facebook based, but I totally see where you're coming from!

To be honest I have 1 friend who I have known for nearly 20 years. We grew up together at school and she was recently bridesmaid at my wedding in February. I lost a close friend as I apparently 'couldnt be bothered' with her. I basically gave her a taste of her own medicine and she didn't like it. Admittedly I have moved twice in the last 18 months but still make a conscious effort to keep in contact with everyone who bothers with me. Dh has some close friends who live in the West Country so it's a good 4 hour trek to see them but we all still make time and the effort to contact one another. Very few people in this day and age can be bothered with keeping real friends and would much rather a large group who all bitch and back stab one another in my mind.

MammaTJ · 27/10/2013 13:17

She is so secure in your friendship and thinks you are too, that you don't need all the public gushing that others do.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 27/10/2013 13:21

FB gushing is for insecure people who need to be fluffed. You are a proper friend that they rely on. She still should have thanked you for driving to see her though. That's just manners

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