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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that all my attempts at play dates have failed

16 replies

Pinkpinot · 26/10/2013 20:18

Ds nearly 6, lots of good friends at school that live close enough.
I've had 3 people seem to think I could be an answer for their childcare issues, no i cant have your child all day from 8. one mum contacted me, I suggested 4 different things and she can't make up her mind. I would like to know what I'm doing on Monday morning.
2 mums from pre school just seem to never be able to organise anything despite texts back and forth. And I'm sick of suggesting things- makes me sad, cos we said we'd try our best to keep in touch

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/10/2013 20:59

Pink not sure what the problem is. Are you complaining about people wanting you to look after their child while they work? Do you work? I have friends who I ask to look after my children while I work, but I do the same for them.

Are you complaining that you don't get play dates with your child and others from the class? One Mum in Ds class is particularly good at this. She hands output invites before school breaks up and everyone who can meets at the local soft play or park, depending on the time of year.

Swimbikerun · 26/10/2013 21:05

I sometimes find it easiest to invite people to a particular thing. Eg. I am taking dc to x place on y date, do you want to join us. Or do you and your dc want to come or tea on x date. At leat that way you get a definitive yes or no!

TigOldBitties · 26/10/2013 21:07

If someone uses childcare they normally have to pay/arrange it for the entire day and don't have the option of using that childcare to take and the retrieve the child from a playdate.

Why can't you have a child for the entire day and then at some point they do the same or similar for you? You aren't being very proactive in this.

I doubt its that difficult to arrange a play date.

redskyatnight · 26/10/2013 21:19

Sorry, am confused. Surely if you want to organise a play date you say "would x like to come round on Thursday afternoon". Other person then says yay or nay or suggests a different date. As a PP has said working parents may well want you to have child for whole day or not at all. (actually they've probably got their whole week organised down to the last minute and are trying to find a solution that works for you both).

PTFO · 26/10/2013 21:48

TIG, why on earth should op have someone else kid from 8am till evening so they can go to work?! used much!

If I thought like that too, hell I could go to work, make some money have a better lifestyle too. Its bloody cheeky. If it works both ways that's one thing but lets be honest does it EVER work that way.

If they cant arrange childcare around a playdate then that's their look out not op's why should she be lumbered with the responsibility?

There is one mum that comes to mind, who every holiday rings all the mums to arrange a 'playdate' that lasts all day for everyday of the hols so she can go to work...and she is always late collecting- her kid is a total handful, once was enough for me. I might add she is well off, private school for her eldest the works. Oh and no she has never had my kid over for a playdate- not once!

op, I suggest set a date and place send a multiple invite and just wait and see.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 27/10/2013 07:40

It's just that no-one is getting back to me, or they've said leave it with me, so I'm waiting to hear back about if they want to do something tomorrow. But I can't spend another day in with ds, I need to plan something.
I've suggested meeting in the park, impromptu, as in "we're going to the park this afternoon if anyone fancies it" and organised as in " how about Tuesday in the park depending on weather"

I've invited kids around here to play
I've refused an invitation to drag the kids along to a class that one mum had.dont think that's much fun
I don't work, and I understand about a whole days childcare being interrupted, but this mum works from home and has a nanny, so that's. not really the case

Anyway, not the end of the world, but I feel a bit sorry for ds with just me to play with!
He will get some time with his cousins this week. That makes him happy

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 27/10/2013 07:50

With people like that, I usually present my plan as a done deal. "I'm taking the children to the park at 10am tomorrow morning. Would be lovely to see you there if you're free".

In my experience, these are the same people who don't reply to party invitations, so the invitation needs to be phrased carefully. "If you would like to come then RSVP by 7th November".

TEErickOrTEEreat · 27/10/2013 07:57

I agree, present an idea, go even if no one else does.

I have, for example, told all the mum's of my son's friends that we will be at softplay on Wednesday starting at 10. Those who want to come will be there. Those who don't, won't be.

State a fact, don't give options.

lljkk · 27/10/2013 08:05

If no one gets back to you then make other plans. I consider that fobbing off, and yanbu to find it upsetting.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 28/10/2013 10:43

Should be careful what i wish for
Ds's friend has come over to play
And it's awful
Sad
Also have to put up with mil tutting and making comments under her breath

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/10/2013 17:31

Why is it awful pink?

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 28/10/2013 18:16

Ds got completely overexcited and was shrieking and squealing
And other child was really argumentative
No major blow ups but it was all ' I can do xzy, yes, I've seen that 50 times, yes it is'
competitive annoying stuff

It was ok after they calmed down for a while, but still low level bickering

OP posts:
spritesoright · 28/10/2013 19:21

I think YANBU. I find people all too quick to cancel too because "DD has the sniffles" or their mil offered to babysit. It's very annoying when you've rearranged your plans to do something.
I had arranged a 'playdate' this weekend planned at least two weekends ago. An hour before others texted to say they hadn't bought tickets and event was now sold out. They suggested it!
Sorry to vent on your thread. I feel your pain.

LimitedEditionLady · 29/10/2013 12:43

I wish we had soneone to have playdates with,never see the other mums at nursery as we all drop off really early for work at different times and dont all pick up at same time so thats a non starter!

Viviennemary · 29/10/2013 12:49

If you are talking about whole days out, then people won't want to commit themselves in case something else turns up. It's a bit selfish but that would be what I'd think. But I would never go to meet ups in the park. Lots of kids screaming and running around and the threat of rain any minute. No thanks. Grin

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 29/10/2013 13:11

I really mean a couple of hours playtime at either house
But suggested park too because we all kind of live around the park and go there a lot
I think this makes a difference, mine is the only only child, the others do have siblings, even if its just a 1 yr old
So I guess it's higher priority for me
I feel sad for him cos he is by himself or just with me a lot

I think he should be building dens with his friends not his mum!
I said after summer holidays I would get some more structured plans in place but I just couldn't this holiday because grandma was here
Will figure it out for the Xmas hols

OP posts:
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