to expect some sort of idea of when my daughter is coming back?

[NessaB82]

My 14-y-o has a poor relationship with her father. He was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to me, and has been mentally and emotionally abusive to both my daughters. Despite a court order granting him access, neither child has spent more than 1 night with him in the last few months. However, my daughter told me she was going to spend the night there last Sunday night to get her birthday presents (2 weeks after her birthday) and is still there 6 nights on. She is aloof on the phone, ignores my texts, acts as if I don't exist when she appears to get more clothes. She has missed 2 days of school in the last week. The school are supportive, but have had no idea from her of her plans either. She treats this like a big game and has told me she might come home, she might not. There is no use trying to speak to her father. He is not a rational human being. She has lost a baby sitting job for not turning up and is missing dance rehearsal. I don't understand what she's doing. I just want to know when she's coming home :-(

Thank you all for your advice and suggestions.
She is definitely at her father's as he has been speaking to my other daughter, bribing her to come too. Finola, I have a feeling there is some sort of love interest there, but it's not like I wouldn't drive her about if she wanted to see friends there if she asked. She has been such a pleasure at home lately, there was no arguement to prompt this and her teachers told me, she still speaks highly of me to them. She only came back to pick up the clothes he has bought her that have ended up here, so she doen't have loads. My husband has been talking about cutting off her phone, but I agree that it would sever any communication she might want to have eventually. As much as I want to ignore her/ scream at her, I think I will try the love tactic. My mum got back from holiday today so I will ask her to ring her casually and have a chat.
Also, I have no idea how to play this situation if and when she does return. Do I lay down the law or act like nothing's happened?

Oh, and I know for a fact she has no rules there and can do as she pleases. I'm not strict but I have rules and expectations.

When my dd came home it was because I had shown her love, She rang 11pm one night and asked to come up, I said yes where are you and she said outside!! I opened the door and just hugged her and we cried. When she comes home I wouldn't tell her off, she dropped out of A levels but re started when she came back. if she has been going to school and keeping up with that then just love her back You could after she has been back a while talk in a 'remember when you stayed at dads I was so scared in case I'd lost you' kind of wayxx

Also know there were no rules at bfs mums house and she even had to get a job etc. but eventually missed home as will your dd as long as you let her know she is missed and always welcome and you can't wait until she wants to .

Can you just have an adult one to one conversation with her. Tell her you miss her and that you are finding things really hard.