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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset about my mum's knitting

35 replies

happylittlevegemites · 26/10/2013 12:05

Firstly, I'm not the daughter from the other thread! But having read that I remembered a few bits of knitting in the cupboard that I thought I'd try on my baby as he's grown a bit lately.

Before he was born she gave me lots of knitted cardigans and jumpers. Lovely wool, lovely colours and nice styles. But a really odd fit which I now figure is because she used patterns from the 80s. Anyway I never really used them at all (half have never been worn) as it was just so hard to wrench his hands through the cuffs, and the bodies being short by comparison means that his lower back isn't covered when sitting down (made worse by my baby taking after my husband who has short legs and a long torso).

I've just got out her latest effort which is clearly a more modern pattern (hooded cardigan, by request as I find them so handy). Again, lovely wool in a lovely colour. But she's obviously done half of the body in a smaller size so I still have the super long sleeve problem. Not so bad as everything else as the cuffs aren't so tight, but I'm just not going to get that much wear out of it as the sleeves have to be rolled over twice and, again, before long his lower back won't be covered which means I'll worry about him wearing it in the pram. I'm just gutted. When I received it I imagined it'd be something he could just live in.

The other reason I don't really put my baby in her knitting very often is that it just makes me want to cry. She's on the other side of the world, knitting lovely things for her first and only grandchild, using lovely (not cheap!) wool and these things just don't fit him. I imagine her knitting these things with love and even now I'm welling up thinking about the waste.

So come on everyone, tell me I'm being unreasonable and to shut down my pity party. And tips on how to get over myself would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 26/10/2013 12:08

Sorry if this seems unsympathetic, but could you not give her the measurements for him, so she can knit to size better? If you work out how long it takes to knit something, and then estimate how much he'll grow in the intervening time, that should help.

LittleMissGerardBOOOOOtler · 26/10/2013 12:09

Do you think you could tell her in a nice way that they don't fit?

If it was me doing the knitting I would want to know :)

It seems such a shame that she is knitting lovely things that don't fit.

BurberryFucker · 26/10/2013 12:09

get over yourself

Weasleyismyking · 26/10/2013 12:12

What a shame.

Tell her his dimensions?! Confused

purrtrillpadpadpad · 26/10/2013 12:15

Burberry, don't be a twat.

Op, you sound lovely. Measurements are a clear way to go. My mum knitted loads for my baby girl and the cuffs were too tight and I didn't like most of it unfortunately, it was so old fashioned. I actually got cross that she knitted what she would like to see a baby in, eg a bonnet, frills, scratchy lace, etc. so I'm totally ungrateful and horrid compared to you!

rockybalBOOOOa · 26/10/2013 12:15

What a lovely response there from Burberry, charming...

Anyhoo, my mum knits for my DC and a lot of things do come out with longer arms and shorter bodies and that's using modern patterns. I just roll the sleeves up though as they don't have tight cuffs. I would mention it to her though as although i doubt she could make up a pattern from scratch to fit his measurements (mine couldn't and she is a v competent knitter) she should be able to knock a few rows off the arms and add a few to the length. It is heartbreaking when stuff that you know someone has gone to huge effort and potentially great expense to make (given the price of some of the nicer wools) doesn't fit and goes unused. YANBU at all.

Jan49 · 26/10/2013 12:15

Can you not just give her the right sizes? What's a pattern being from the 80s to do with it? Confused Babies come in all different sizes so she needs to know your baby's size.

When my ds was around 4, my sister who lives abroad made a big fuss about how she was making something really special to send him as a gift. She then sent a knitted cardigan, which she'd had to post to a friend to add the buttons to, plus spare wool and instructions to repair any holes. But she hadn't asked what size he was. It was short and wide and very thick, completely the wrong size and probably only suitable to wear outdoors in snow as he tended to get hot easily. I had to pretend it was lovely but eventually passed it on and I just hope someone else got good use of it. People should ask for sizes.

paxtecum · 26/10/2013 12:16

Happy: Please just tell her that she needs to knit them much longer than the pattern instructs her to.
Tell her that he has a really long body and if she knitted it longer, then it would fit him longer.

She'd be gutted if she knew they were too short.

I think you are a bit homesick.
It must be very hard being such a long way away.
Has your Mum met your baby yet?

Best wishes to you all.

HellMouthCusty · 26/10/2013 12:16

yeah burbberry - not nice

cherry219 · 26/10/2013 12:17

My DS has a long torso, and with a vest/top underneath, he's perfectly warm, even if his jumpers/cardis ride up.

However, I still mentioned how long in the body he was to MIL, and she accordingly started adding a couple of extra inches to the length of things she knits for him.

No mess, no fuss.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 26/10/2013 12:17

Tell her how fast he is growing and that you love the things she knits so much you want him to have them for longer, and please could she do some bigger ones. Then say - the sleeve length is fine, it's his body that has shot up all of a sudden, could you make the body longer please?
problem solved.

Footle · 26/10/2013 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 26/10/2013 12:18

Find patterns that you like and take his measurement and then tell her it needs an extra so many inches in body length etc. Best of both worlds.

GobblersKnob · 26/10/2013 12:26

Tbf to Burberry, the op did ask people 'for tips on getting over herself'. I think it is being taken a little more harshly than it was meant.

Op my mum knitted loads of little jumpers and cardigans for my two and they all finished pretty much at the waist, they were far more practical at nappy changes, I never worried about them covering their lower backs as that is all in the nappy anyway.

I also had the tight sleeves thing but I ust pulled their hands through gently.

Maybe I didn't worry about them enough? Wink

Boardingblues · 26/10/2013 12:26

I think that you have had some really good advice, tell her the measurements! It is important to realise that the act of knitting is probably really important to her. My DS has just started boarding (his wish!) and although I hate sewing, I spurned the label sew service and did them all myself - including the 20 pairs of socks! The sewing is crap and untidy, but each label was important to me. I know this sounds daft, but every opportunity that I get to be mother is now precious. I can imagine, that knitting is similarly important for your DM. For the money that she spends on wool, she could probably go out and buy something fab... but that is not the point. So tell her, she won't mind.

Footle · 26/10/2013 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happylittlevegemites · 26/10/2013 12:35

Just reading through all your replies, you're all lovely thank you :) Burberry, you are right (albeit a tad unsympathetic!).

Husband has just pointed out that the latest cardigan is fine, it really isn't noticeable as he's rarely still and most of his clothes need the sleeves rolling up so it's not a big deal really.

He's also pointed out that some other stuff gets used a lot - knitted booties practically every day, winter hats get used a lot and also one jumper pattern is a really useful item.

She has asked me before for his measurements so it is partly my fault for not having given them to her for about 6 months!

Footle, I don't know a lot about knitting but what you say about needles does sort of make sense to me so I might suggest that as an easier way of adjusting the sizes.

Lots of suggestions about asking her to make the body longer - I think that this would be easy to do and can't believe I didn't think of this entirely logical approach Blush

paxtecum - you've hit the nail on the head. I've had a horrendous week with teething/sleepless nights plus had a minor op last week so am really really struggling. I'm not homesick as such, but really feeling the distance and lack of support (husband helpful though!).

She would indeed be gutted if she knew they didn't fit, which is why I haven't wanted to broach the subject!

Jan49 - I think the 80s patterns is relevant as the sleeves are long and wide with tiny cuffs - so perfect for making great big boofy arms. Well, that's what I'm guessing. I did still use them though as they were warm, but just not as used as they could have been.

OP posts:
JennetDevice · 26/10/2013 12:36

Find a top that fits your son, a sweatshirt, hoodie or jumper and lie it flat. Measure from under the arm to the rib and under the arm to the cuff of the sleeve. Give your mum these two measurements and ask her to knit to these lengths before she begins the shaping(as a knitter she'll know what you mean.)

ZacharyQuack · 26/10/2013 12:37

MIL used to knit for the DCs with the same weird proportions - short wide body and long skinny arms. We used to joke that she thought we were breeding spider monkeys.

Then one christmas she made matching jumpers for DH and DD1 (18m), and they both had the same proportions! Once she saw DH struggling to squeeze him arms through the sleeves, and the waistband flapping around his ribcage, she finally realised that a tape measure might be a good idea.

LunaticFringe · 26/10/2013 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happylittlevegemites · 26/10/2013 12:43

Spider monkeys Grin

JennetDevice that sounds like useful advice also.

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 26/10/2013 12:44

Alternatively you could suggest the Baby Surprise Jacket which is knitted all in one - so no tight seams - and seems to come up good and long for narrower babies.

JennetDevice · 26/10/2013 12:45

i don't think your mum will be upset if you tell her your son has had a growth spurt and now needs longer hoodies/jumpers.

happylittlevegemites · 26/10/2013 12:46

I posted hoping for advice on how to get over myself and how to be grateful and that all your babies wore horsehair shirts and walked to school in the snow barefooted before they could walk but I've had some really useful tips on how to handle the situation.

Thanks!!

Thanks
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 12:48

Please tell me if I'm totally missing something here...but what's wrong with telling her your baby's measurements?

I'm quite sure she'd be pleased to know them Confused

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