Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Works Xmas party

15 replies

Givemeanear · 26/10/2013 07:42

I work in an all male office, 5 men and myself. Christmas party is fine, but they invite two further people who are support people for the company. The 5 men I work with and one of the invited ones are absolutely great, love working with them, never make me feel the odd one out being female etc etc

However.....the one other, at both the Christmas parties I have attended, about half way through the night, gives it come on boys, let's go up town to a lap dancing club. The first year, I said "is it time for me to go then?" Last year I ended up having a row, not a good idea when you've had a few!

So, am I being unreasonable for reacting, or is their a better way to react.

All the other guys, just say no blah blah, but it really winds me up, it's like go home little woman.

I will not ask one of the partners to have a word with him, I could but that is not me, I like to "look after myself"

OP posts:

FunkyFucker · 26/10/2013 07:46

No you are not being unreasonable. No idea why you had a row, just leave and leave them to it. Or speak to the most senior person and ask why I was being effectively booted out of my own Christmas party by someone who isn't even part of the gang. Can you suggest not inviting him? Surely if it's your party too, you all get to decide who comes?

Original poster

Givemeanear · 26/10/2013 07:48

It is only one guy who says it he others are not interested! Make it clear and tell him to shut up. I had a row because he said it again and I basically told him I was as entitled to be there as anyone and therefore it should be activities that everyone wanted. I could speak to someone, but I would rather deal with it myself.

OP posts:

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 26/10/2013 07:49

I'm fairly sure this would be classed as discrimination on the grounds of sex. Doubt you'd want to take it that far but might be useful to know.

CaptainSweatPants · 26/10/2013 07:51

Could you suggest you all take partners this year so it's not all male?
Or have it at lunch time

Original poster

Givemeanear · 26/10/2013 07:55

Thanks for replies, it's not that it's all male, it really is just this one guy. I suppose I need to cut him down first. Maybe before he has a few drinks and says it, say, by the way don't suggest the lap dancing club, because (I will smack you in the face) this is a Christmas party for all of us, not to satisfy your weird sexual preferences.

OP posts:

HandragsAndGladbags · 26/10/2013 07:56

When he says it just laugh and say "God you're not still going to those saddo places are you? Oh well, off you pop, no one else is interested".

Or ask with a head tilt why he feels the need to have to pay to get any affection from women? Is it an issue with him not feeling worthy of their attention, or more a "needs must" type thing? That'll get rid of him sharpish.

Optimist1 · 26/10/2013 07:56

When the party's being discussed "Hmmm... do you know, I'm thinking of giving it a miss this year. X is such an arse when he's allowed out on his own."

Might provoke the right response from the rest of your team?

Original poster

Givemeanear · 26/10/2013 08:00

Handrags, love 2nd option, will start practising.

To be honest the rest of the team would go mad if I said that, they would have a right go at him. But I don't "want" their help, IYKWIM, I want to stop him myself. I have never let on how much it wound me up.

OP posts:

HandragsAndGladbags · 26/10/2013 08:05

No worries Give, just answer whatever he says with a sympathetic smile, and maybe a gentle pat of the arm before wandering off to talk to the others.

You'll earn his undying hatred of course, but that's a small price to pay.

aturtlenamedmack · 26/10/2013 08:12

You are definitely not BU. And i understand completely why you ended up in a row - i wouldn't be sent home to leave the lads to it either, and i certainly wouldn't be shuffling of quietly.
I think I'd most likely go with handbags suggestion to deal with it - because actually, your colleges seem to agree with you and be uncomfortable with going.

TEErickOrTEEreat · 26/10/2013 08:15

I don't understand, do your colleagues go along with him? Or do they not want to go?

I would expect everyone to object, not just you, if they don't want to go. If they don't object, I'd no longer think they were such great guys, TBH.

OnecanToucan · 26/10/2013 08:16

YANBU. Apart from anything else it's completely inappropriate for someone to suggest a lap dancing club on a WORK night out!

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 26/10/2013 08:23

Can you joke about it, ideally at wanker boys expense? So next time you are discussing it suggest running a book on what time he will make his HILARIOUS suggestion this year? Eg my money's on 10.15. That way when he says it you can just timecheck and all laugh at him.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 26/10/2013 16:50

Good suggestions on this thread :) Glad the rest of them aren't usually that keen

kinkyfuckery · 26/10/2013 16:55

I don't get why it's sexist, tbh.

Clubs like that are probably as popular with women as men. I definitely don't agree that they are a 'mens only' activity.

From what I'm understanding noone else wants to go anyway, and it's not done.. so I'd just ignore him or tell him to sod off.

Flip