to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

[Mayflower64]

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

[MamaBear17]

That is such a shame. When my dd was a small baby I put her in babygros topped with a hand knitted cardigan. Infact, the hand knitted stuff is the only stuff I've kept for baby number 2. My de was three months before she wore a proper outfit, and even then, she only wore them when we met other people. Keep them, hopefully your daughter will change her mind.

[havingamadmoment]

I love knitted clothes .I don't have anyone to knit for me and have always found it really hard but I lOVE crochet . I have four dds and each one has been decked out in the frilliest pinkest (and cream I also like cream) crochet outfits and blankets you could imagine. They are probably a mumsnet nightmare ! Do I care no way! I enjoyed making them and I don't force my older children to wear my creations so they escape once they can turn their noses up!.

Also I toned down the pink ( a little ....) for my son although he did still have some frills :)

[Orangesarenottheonlyfruit]

I am surprised that she didn't want then. A couple of my friend had a stitch and bitch club when I was having dd1 so they made me all manner of delightful things. I was thrilled. MIL also made me some strange things and a very useful blanket, people often asked if it was handmade and u was really proud to say that it was.
So YANBU to be surprised and hurt but it is a good thing that your relationship is strong enough for her to fell comfortable refusing them.

[Thumbfuckerwitch]

My MIL and her sister knitted a fair amount of stuff for DS1 - jackets, hats, bootees, mitts - I barely used any of it. But I took it all with good grace and said thank you.
I didn't use much of it with DS2 either - born at the wrong time of year - and I have since asked MIL what she would like me to do with the knitted stuff, as I won't be having any more babies now. She said I could dispose of them as I wanted - so I'll probably see if the local SCBU (or NICU as it is here) has any use for them.

I didn't really like using them because my boys both overheated at the drop of a hat (sorry, no pun intended) and some of the wool/acrylic was a bit scratchy for hot skin. But I did use a couple of the cardigans, a couple of the hats, especially the softer ribbed bobble hats, and tried to use the bootees (nae luck with either boy - they kicked them off).

I think though that it would have been probably a little better if I'd been asked if I wanted them, because I did feel guilty that I didn't use them much and now I feel guilty that I'm not keeping them! But MIL and her sister did derive a lot of pleasure from making them so it's a bit unreasonable of me to want to have denied them that.

I also have a load of cot stuff that I've barely/never used - MIL made a duvet for the cot, of all things! With synthetic filling! Never going to use that, especially as I can't get DS2 to actually stay asleep in his cot...

[Dolallytats]

I spent the whole of my pregnancy chasing my mum and sisters for the knitted cardigans they were making to ensure I had one for DD to wear home!! I love hand knitted baby clothes.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

I too got loads of knitted stuff which was barely used (I am just not keen on it!) and felt guilty.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

I think what this thread has shown is that loads of people do like them. But some people don't and the OP's DD is clearly one.

[merrymouse]

I think the polite thing would have been to accept the clothes gracefully. However, if she is only 4 months pregnant, it does sound as though you have done quite a lot of knitting. Maybe she is just feeling a bit stressed about things and it was all to much?

[jojomom]

My MIL knitted for my children as babies and they never wore any of it. I'm sorry but it's her choice and no one doubts the love you put into the garments but hand knitted clothes are obviously not her style. Why don't you ask if there is anything else you could knit? MIL knitted a lovely blanket that we still use now.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

Let's leave it there Driz. You are clearly spoiling for a fight and I am not. I don't care if I stated the bleeding obvious - simply not that precious.

[wakemeupnow]

I think your Dd was thoughtless and rude.

My DM knitted me a cardigan and bonnet for my newborn and I cherished the fact that they were made with love synthetic nasty colour I have kept them as a keepsake and will foist them onto DD when she becomes a mum

[FusilliJerry]

op, yes your daughter was rude, but I see you used plurals of cardigans, coats and hats. At 4 months. it's quite early, and a time when she may be adjusting to being pregnant and beginning to show. She may have only recently made it public knowledge and getting used to that too.If you presented her with a bundle of clothing (even if it had been bought clothes), it may have completely overwhelmed her, she panicked and thought,"I'm not ready for this!"

There are many lovely things you could make that aren't clothes.My friend knitted me this polar bear, which is lovely. She also made one of these, which was fab for swaddling my dd's in. Maybe talk to her and find out if she is completely anti knitted things, or just wants a particular style. maybe look through the knitted items/patterns on etsy or similar, to get ideas together. I am close to my mum, and get on very well with my mil too, and despite knowing that they know me very well, there are times I've looked at what they've bought and gone "oh myy!!" in my head.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

merrymouse, yes the polite thing wuld have been to accept, and it's what I did. But then the stuff keeps coming, adding to the guilt that they never wear it, taking up drawer space and you feel really bad that the giver is spending loads of time and effort creating more, because they think you like it and are finding it useful! So while I think she needed to be more tactful, I can see why the DD wanted to nip it in the bud.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

I do want that knitted polar bear

[SatinSandals]

I had a work colleague who did that to her mother. I thought it terribly sad and I could never understand it because you get such wonderful patterns and colours these days and much of the wool is machine washable and you can tumble dry it. You get an individual garment. I always knit for babies.
They are not out of fashion, if ever I admire someone's baby's outfit you can be sure it was handmade. Knitting has really come back. I go to a lovely wool shop in a nearby city and it is always full of all ages and is a vibrant shop owned by a young women who is passionate about knitting.
YANBU to be upset. However you will have to accept that you have a DD without much tact or empathy.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

Driz, seriously, drop it.

[Lagoonablue]

Awwwwww. I love knitted stuff. She was hurtful. However people get precious about stuff like this. When I was pregnant with my first I had very set ideas of what I wanted for the baby. By the second I was happy to be given anything.

Hold onto them she may change her mind and if she doesn't, donate them.

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

SS the OP says that her DD is usually polite and well mannered. So I think it's a case of on this occasion she was tactless. She said what she really thought, without realising the effort that her mother had gone to.

[CSIJanner]

I an kind of relate to this thread as my MIL offered to knit for both our DC but my DH said thank you but no. He and BIL wore MIL's concoctions in their childhood including school and he was emphatic that he didn't want it to continue (think 18 colours in one cardi, matching for oth boys). Unfortunately, BIL felt the same :( She did ask me also, and I asked if she could stitch either a cot and Moses basket quilt so it wasn't just restricted to age size. She did and they are lovely!

OP - I'm sorry that you've been hurt by your daughters reaction. But did you ask her if she wanted any knitted clothing? Do you think if you dont store them for when she does have the baby, you could use some of the peices to make a blanket for your new grandchild? Just a thought. And please don't take her reaction as a rejection of you - give her time and she'll see how you made each piece with love.

[Longtalljosie]

Wow! That's awful! I don't think you're over-reacting at all.

[Heebiejeebie]

I think it's ok she told you, rather than have you carry on knitting stuff she doesn't want. I hope she told you gently. A blanket or toys are a good idea.

Is she scarred for life by you making her wear hand knitted trouser suits until she left home ?

[SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood]

Don't their tiny fingers get caught when you're trying to put them through the sleeves?
Well obviously not, but I used to wake up in a cold sweat after nightmares about that :)