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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU , friend @ xmas

42 replies

proudmummyof2munchkins · 25/10/2013 20:55

so me and my friend are both single mums, and she asked if we would like to do xmas with eachother this year as kids r really close.
discussing the other day she stated that I buy the kids too much and that she would prefer it if I didn't this year if her daughter is there as she doesn't want her daughter asking why they got more.
I stated that maybe it would be better if we did xmas separately as I wasn't willing to change what I have got my children or at least do presents first and they can come over in the afternoon , now she is stating that I am making her spend xmas alone due to wanting to over spoilt my spoilt brat of children :0.

who was being unreasonable.
p.s we have been friend since 4 yrs old and now 19 so not like she is a random mate.

OP posts:

Screamqueen · 25/10/2013 21:36

Why on earth should OP not give her children extra stockings if she wants to just because of this extremely rude friend!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/10/2013 21:40

Mumof - you buy your kids so much that you have to spread presents over three days?

I'm a bit gobsmacked by that.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 21:46

I am shocked anyone would change their whole day around because a "friend" wanted you to after calling your children brats!

If said "friend" had said, actually we can't afford to buy quite so much as you this year would you mind meeting after presents? (and even if she seems to have more money than you OP..it could be true she hasn't got the present budget for whatever reason)

I would have totally agreed to it. There is a way of doing things.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 21:47

Iv started spreading presents over three days as they get so much from our family

If poster has a large fmaily that could be dozens of gifts..doesn't mean she bought them all!

ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 21:48

So we do grandparents presents on Christmas Eve, then Santa presents Xmas day and friends presents Boxing Day.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 21:48

that was meant to be one post

Ifancyashandy · 25/10/2013 21:55

Your children are likely to be up at, what 6am latest?! I'd do presents first and then ask her over for 11am onwards. No need to lose any friends then. She's being defensive due to feeling inadequate is my guess. Well, sod that! Do what you want and then invite her.

Original poster

proudmummyof2munchkins · 25/10/2013 22:10

there is no reason for her to feel less than though , as it has nothing to do with finances , she can afford to buy more presents she chooses not to ( I would never be horrible about this even if I didn't agree ). I have saved all year. the original plan was they come up xmas eve, we bath the children , have a take out and get pjs on watch a movie and then we can have a glass of wine when the children in bed.

then spend xmas day with eachother, after we went through what the children were getting is when she asked for me to maybe keep presents back or give them on a different day.
it was only when I said I think this is unfair she got touchy and started slating that I buy them too much ( which actually I think I buy the average amount ) she then when I said fine we will have seperates xmas he got mad about them being spoilt.

OP posts:

thegreylady · 25/10/2013 22:14

Why not ask her to compromise on stocking ie do one and you will save some presents for Boxing Day.."Ooh look dd Santa left these behind the curtain come and see!"

frogspoon · 25/10/2013 22:21

Your christmas, your kids, your house (I assume the plan was for her to visit you?), your rules

I don't think YABU to suggest doing presents separately, and I don't think she was BU to suggest holding some back for Boxing Day, no harm in her asking nicely but at the end of the day its your choice.

But she was v rude to call your kids spoilt brats for no reason so unless she apologises for that, I don't think you should have her over.

NewbieMcNewbie · 25/10/2013 22:23

It seems a shame for this to descend into a feud. Surely you can compromise? Your original idea was lovely.

YANBU at all. But I'm a bit shocked at the level of aggression on this thread.

Retroformica · 25/10/2013 22:33

A compromise would be letting your DD open a gift a day over the Xmas hols - then opening the same amount of gifts actually Xmas day

Original poster

proudmummyof2munchkins · 25/10/2013 22:41

but she believes in santa and the story lol

OP posts:

frogspoon · 25/10/2013 22:50

proudmummy, i think you're missing the issue.

It isn't how many presents your dd gets (you could always say that because she had been so good, santa couldn't manage to carry all the presents in one day, so he had to send some elves over to drop them off early)

The issue is that your friend was rude. If she decides to apologise and you make up, then you can discuss the logistics of how to do presents.

Ifancyashandy · 25/10/2013 22:51

Could you do a stocking for her daughter as a present? She could then say it's just something that happens at ProudMummys house?

Original poster

proudmummyof2munchkins · 25/10/2013 22:58

I offered to do a stocking for her. I think I may try and discuss it with her again and I will talk to daughter as well as I know she wants her friend here so will explain something to her and see what she wants to do as well.

OP posts:

QuintsHollow · 25/10/2013 23:02

Wow, she gets to spend Christmas at yours, and she gets to dictate whether your children gets stocking or not, and how many presents they get.

Please tell me you go fifty fifty on food and drinks. Or is she going to tell you that you will have to pay for Turkey and Mince pies yourself as SHE only wants a chicken breast.....

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