To think this year 3 initiative is divisive and wrong

[Colinbakergotfat]

As background, ds (7) is currently being assessed for dcd (dyspraxia) and ADHD - the inattentive type (not hyperactive).

I pursued a diagnosis as he is suffering from anxiety and low self esteem and this explains lots of things (they think he has both).

Anyway, today my ds came back from school for the third time very upset that he had not received a single vote for "star of the week". This initiative has been going on all term and everyone else has been voted for. The format is that 7 tables (with 4 or 5 kids each) vote individually and then the table agrees one boy and one girl to be star.

I appreciate that I am probably getting a slightly skewed version of events but I felt so for him. It is couched as voting on merit for hard work, but the way has described the voting process it seems to be a popularity contest. He says he has no friends and is perceiving himself as unpopular (he does actually have good friends) and thick, as in his words he is "trying so hard". He is very conscientious and has never lost golden time so I believe this to be true.

I don't expect him to win, but not even to receive one vote must be very demoralising for anyone.

How should I handle this? I don't want to leave it until Monday so am thinking of emailing the head teacher (who I know well as chair of the parent council) but don't want to be heavy handed.

I do realise that this may be a microcosm of the real world and that they have to learn about rejection, but I overwhelmingly want to protect my rather vulnerable ds and think this system is inappropriate.

That is a horrible system! I'd definitely be having a word.

As a former primary teacher that system seems absolutely ludicrous to me. In any school I've worked in stars etc were chosen by the teacher and every effort was made to ensure every child got one at some stage. Voting never goes well among children - it just leads to hurt feelings and smug popular children.

Speak to the teacher first before going to the HT.

DS had that system when he was the same age. I really considered talking to the teacher about it as it seemed so unkind. Of course the popular children were star of the week. In the end I didn't because DS wasn't bothered at all but I did think it was just not a great way to help class bonds.

DS's teacher was a really brilliant teacher with a gift for teaching so I had to accept she felt it was right for the class.

In the same situation again I'd definitely ask the teacher about the thinking behind it and how s/he ensures that everyone is fairly treated.

Hi what a crazy system. Our son is in year 3 and we are also annoyed with a reward system in our school. The children get points for good work and surprise surprise the high achiever who finds it easy and was free reading in year 2, won it. The winner got a certificate and a ticket to go ice skating. Our ds has learning issues and tries so hard. He has really done well this term and us now very disappointed and puzzled why he only got 3 points and other child got 10. He has produced lots of writing and this is a huge effort for him because of his working memory and other issues.This is not a good reward system imo

Oh my goodness kalms, that is even worse! I thought the "picking teams" mentality died in the 80s... Obviously not .