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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really hate dh tonight

14 replies

cantsleep · 25/10/2013 05:09

I'm tired so probably overreacting.

Ds2 1 has been up for hours, bit of a cold, and just wide awake and wriggly.

Ten mins ago I asked dh would he go down to get cal pol, he was grumpy then I asked would he have ds for a hour so I could sleep. He had a go at me and refused a she has work tomorrow.

It's not as if I will be doing nothing myself tomorrow as will have all dcs at home and I'm exhausted.

Really pissed off with him.

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 25/10/2013 05:33

Does you dh have to work tomorrow if not maybe he could do his share of the nightshift tonight. But I understand your anger my exh used to use work as an excuse not to help at night.

chutneypig · 25/10/2013 05:53

YANBU for expecting some support and you must be shattered. Assuming he's getting up in the not too distant future to go to work, I'd think it unlikely an extra hours sleep is going to make much difference to his day (unless he's been doing shifts /has a job where being spot on with reflexes or some thing is crucial). I've been up since 5 today and have been several times over the last couple of weeks with ill DC and still managed to go to work. I'd take a day at work over coping with ill and otherwise DC after a disrupted night most days.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 25/10/2013 06:15

I think it depends on how much sleep he's had. If he's not had much sleep himself and he'll be driving, in your shoes I'd probably want him to get the extra sleep. If he's had 6 or so hours and you've had a very broken night, then he's being a selfish arse!

If he gets home at a reasonable time, I'd hand all the kids over to him, have a bath, and go straight to bed, really early.

He needs to acknowledge that what you do is hard work too, and that the sleep deprivation that comes with having kids has to be shared. Does he really want you to get so tired that you end up endangering the DCs?

Original poster

cantsleep · 25/10/2013 07:21

I went to bed about 1130 pm and ds woke at 1 ish, dh had gone to bed at midnight ish and only woke when I asked for the calpol and some help.

Yes he does have work and have to drive etc but I have to look after 4 dcs and I'm shattered, don t know what's wrong with dh he has snapped at me again since he woke up. I just struggle when I'm this tired and need tone 100 per cent if I can be as dcs have health problems and its demanding acing for them, ds2 has A cold too so today will be extra hard as he will be clingy and then its difficult do dds medicines as have to hold ds and administer ( injections) and I'm tired.

Perhaps dh just having a bad day. Usually he's ok and helps but lately has Been grumpy.

OP posts:

Original poster

cantsleep · 25/10/2013 07:23

Caring for them not acing

OP posts:

bubalou · 25/10/2013 07:38

You're not bu as he should support you but from past experience when I was a sahm - I wouldn't 'let' DH lose sleep if I could help it.

It's crap but he had to work all day and make money. I was at home and so never thought it fair to expect him to get up.

When I went back to work however it has become a 50/50 split but ds is older so it only happens when he is ill or something.

Maybe have a chat with DH

Original poster

cantsleep · 25/10/2013 08:28

He's usually ok and helps.

Lately has been a bit odd. More grumpy than usual.

He made me a cup of tea this morning but hasn't said anything to me.

OP posts:

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 25/10/2013 08:41

YANBU. You both need sleep and you are both working tomorrow. The only time I make sure I do the night with dd and dh gets to sleep more is if he's driving a lot the next day. Does your dh operate heavy machinery or drive a long way? If not, there's no reason he should be the one to get sleep.

Original poster

cantsleep · 25/10/2013 08:57

He has to drive about 45 mins and yes he does operate heavy and sometimes dangerous machinery so I was probably being a bit grumpy and U myself but I have to look after dcs and its the injecting dd ( she's diabetic) that worries me being so tired.

A couple of times when tired I grabbed the wrong dcs hand to do a blood sugar test and realised at the last second so I need to be 100 per cent.

OP posts:

jammiedonut · 25/10/2013 09:10

He is bu. You need respite, getting up an hour or two earlier isn't a big ask when you've been up all night. I've had the similar rows and silent treatment from dh over this. When he comes home he needs a break to get over work. When he goes to bed he needs a full nights sleep to prepare for work. Where is the time for us to have a break. Maybe try and get an arrangement set up between you both so you can share the burden? Dh now wakes up at 6 rather than 7 so he can feed and change ds and I can get that extra hour of sleep after having done the night wakings. We both go to bed at 9 too and take turns with bed routine. He's going more than he was before but complains a lot less because it's now part of his routine and he doesn't see it as 'helping' me.

Chocotrekkie · 25/10/2013 09:17

Could he be coming down with the dc's cold ?

LouiseAderyn · 25/10/2013 09:27

He is way out of order being snappy with you. Don't put up with it.

Working full time doesn't mean he gets to give you no help when he gets home. You are working full time too, esp givrn that your dc hsve additional health needs. In fact it's more important that you get proper sleep because you are responsible for children and can't afford to make mistakes out of tiredness.

They are his dc too - you might want to remind him of that little detail and when he is not physically at work, he is 50% responsible for them! A sahm job is to look after dc while her partner works and yes, in reality, you will do more child care than him. But when you ask for help, he does not get to say no and still keep his balls . Not in my house anyway!

attheendoftheday · 25/10/2013 09:35

YADNBU! He us, and massively so.

I don't get why the working parent needs a full night's sleep and the sahp can manage on tiny snatches of broken sleep. I think it's indicative of an attitude that diminishes the importance of childcare and other traditionally female roles. Everyone needs sleep, and it is perfectly possible to function in the workplace while helping a bit at night. I should know, when I returned to work after having dd1 age was still waking 3 times a night. Dp and I did alternate nights, we both survived. Now I'm on ml with dd2, dp still helps at night (although I do more, probably). If nothing else, if I've had a bad night then I hand over to dp any time after 5am, and he'll be on duty (often including getting both kids up and fed) until he needs to leave at 7.30.

I think your dp is being a selfish arse.

LouiseAderyn · 25/10/2013 09:53

OP, my dh has his faults and our marriage has not been without some problems. But he has never refused to help me in the night when our dc have been ill or not sleeping properly.

One thing I have learnt over the years is that you shouldn't let people take you for granted . They dont appreciate it and end up thinking that it is their god given right to have all their own way.

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